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Here we are, everyone. The night of the 2012 Golden Globes, hosted by Ricky Gervais. OH, WHAT A NIGHT! Remember last year when the thought that Ricky Gervais was hosting the Golden Globes was actually an exciting thing that maybe could’ve made the event a whole lot more bearable? Weird! Now look where we are! What a difference a year makes, especially when you are a jerk who is constantly given platforms to never shut up about it. Oh well. We’re still going to enjoy our night, RIGHT?! Watching the Golden Globes together?! Something we and the Hollywood stars dream about all year long?! LIKE THE FAMILY WE ARE? YES! So please, first, refresh your memory on the nominees and remember that every time Bridesmaids doesn’t win, a woman is made to feel less-than by a man. And second, please join me and each other in the comments for some Golden Globes HANG TIME! I hope you have your fancy clothes on! LET’S GET THIS IMPORTANT HOLLYWOOD AWARD CEREMONY PARTY STARTED!
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THEARTISTTHEARTISTTHEARTISTTHEARTISTTHEARTISTTHEARTISTTHEARTISTTHEARTISTTHEARTISTTHEARTISTTHEARTISTTHEARTISTTHEARTISTTHEARTISTTHEARTISTTHEARTISTTHEARTISTTHEARTISTTHEARTISTTHEARTISTTHEARTISTTHEARTIST…
Does W.E. stand for whatever?
I am still disappointed that War Horse was not about the Rambo of horses
I think best original score was me and this chick I hooked up wit’ last night — ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh! #dicetweets
The Artist better win everything it’s nominated for, or *shakes a tiny fist*.
Seriously, that movie is the best thing that ever happened to the world. It’s the pinnacle of human evolution. I don’t want to go overboard…
WHERE’S THE EFFING PIZZA? THE FRENCH DON’T MAKE PIZZA.
Oh great. First they take our jobs, now they’re taking our Best Original Score awards.
Next they’ll be picking our fruit.
Hahahaha oh my god when The Artist man said “tap dance number” and the camera showed Charlize Theron and Natalie Portman not laughing that was my favorite moment of the night, GOODNIGHT EVERYONE!
DO NOT PLAY OFF THAT OLD JONAS BROTHER WHO IS TALKING ABOUT THE ARTIST.
Ok, I am supporting anything called Machine Gun Preacher. Does it star Steven Segal? It really should.
Thinking about getting a Chris Cornell tattoo on my arm … LADIES …
whore wars?
I’m so glad Madonna corrected herself, I would’ve gone crazy if she hadn’t changed that “who I adore” to “WHOM I adore”
Even better that her correction was grammatically incorrect.
Please, Madonna, JUST TELL US ABOUT THE SONG ALREADY!
HAHAHAHA ELTON’S FACE. Best face.
Elton John is piiiiiiisssssssssssssed!
Madonna’s dress looks painful.
I was thinking that! But quietly, because if madonna heard my thoughts, she could so easily kick my ass.
So does the work done on her face.
“My film” was repeated a lot.
Brad Pitt’s Kalifornia 2 haircut sux.
#GoldenGlobes #MLKtomorrow #LetsParty
I think this was the dream he spoke of.
String! STRING!
Yay Idris Elba!
Did I hear Bill Nye???
Bill Nighy, but no less amazing.
I never heard Idris Elba’s voice/accent before. This is amazing.
OMG They played the sexiest song from Misfits when Idris won and I just want him to be on stage for the rest of the show!
Idris Elba name spelled backwards sounds less weird.
“Soon. So soon.”
-Clooney, watching Pitt present
I just got some Gosling.
IDES OF MARCH! RYAN GOSLING! OMG! RYAN GOSLING!
You could definitely see Clooney plotting his ultimate prank while staring at Pitt
Guys, where’s the Downton crumpet party at?
Just saw the word “DAPPER” flash across the screen. Wait…strike that, it was just Clooney’s face.
go Wiig!
Yay! Kristin Wigg!!!
Michelle Williams!!
Ok, that was a stupid comment. Apparently I am very excited that I can correctly identify actresses?
I still love you Kristen. Friendster me!
Michelle Wiliams over Kristen Wigg?
It’s true. She’s very endearing, but Kristin Wigg has her beat.
Oh forget it, Michelle Williams is pretty swell
my week with marylin sounds like an hilarious comedy
Natalie Portman totally just flashed a “you’re not raising your kid right” look at Jen.
Whatever golden globes. MAKE WITH THE SWINTON.
The Narrator: “Ugh, this music! Did Michelle Williams win something or did someone die?”
Forgive me if this has been asked, but does anybody know why Lea Michele is dressed up like Gozer the Gozerian?
There is no Lea Michele. Only Zuul.
You’d think the nominees would notice other winners walk stage left (??) to exit! Silly celebrities.
I’m glad we’re safe from Tim Heidecker’s obnoxious, condescending tweets in here.
WHAT THE SHIT IS BUFFY WEARING?
Coyote Ugly in the Building!!!
Buffy’s tye dye dress needs a stake through the heart.
Oh man. I’m glad I didn’t go through highschool ON TELEVISED GOLDEN GLOBES.
More like Scare-ah Michelle Gellar, amirite?
I love how pissed off everyone looks during their nomination close-up
I just caught myself leaning to try and see a nipple through her mesh dress front.
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww yaaaaaaaaaaay
I think Sarah Michelle Gellar and Piper Perabo are trying to hide their massive erections.
“IN YOUR FACE, MOM” – Peter Dinklage.
DINKLAGE
Dustin Hoffman CAN”T WAIT to get the fuck out of there.
I haven’t seen anyone who looks like they WANT to be there
So bored Dustin Hoffman! It’s Peter Dinklage! Get excited!
BOOM, DINKED. Whats the Rickster gonna say about THIS!
So bored Dustin Hoffman! It’s Peter Dinklage! Get excited!
well this is embarrassing.
I will admit, I clicking submit twice.
pranks!
BOOM! LEVEL 5 EARTHPRANK!
PRANK! PRANK! PRANK! PRANK! PRANK! PRANK! PRANK! PRANK!
I was really hoping the audience was gonna break out in that chant
Gervais is doing a lot of Brent faces
That was a good Brent face though.
Was the prank the cane? Like the genius 8 year prank in the making?!
Well, it started with him breaking Pitt’s leg, so.
“Just paint my shirt right on my neck.”
who is this beef face presenting awards on my tv?
Golden Globe nominee Jessica Alba?
nooo….
TIN TIN! Great movie guys, totally go see it. In 3D, and sit at the back of the theatre, in the corner, it’s a good seat for 3D. Especially if you wear glasses.
This year has the pretty bad animated movies (plot wise). No Pixar to compete though!
Anyone ever notice there is a children movie with puss in the title?
“I would like to tank two studios.”
“the man of 1,000 digital faces”
Spielburger, name dropped Peter Moffatt? Cool.
I am an idiot. I was just thinking of Sherlock.
You’re not an idiot, Steven Moffat wrote the TinTin script, not Peter, spielberg got it wrong
Yeah but I think he was talking about Peter Jackson, right?
you’re right, he didn’t get his name wrong, he just totally snubbed him.
Joseph Gordon Levitt is wearing a bow tie, and that is adorable.
My friend just came over, squealed and sat down on my couch to watch for a bit bc of JGL.
oh god, i wish i had cable so i could drink that in. CURSES.
what i ment to say was more childrens movies should have puss in the title
PUNkED Wheel chair edition
Guys, the Martin Henderson thing is pretty sad: http://goo.gl/p8zfN
That is terrible.
Oh my god, it’s the most horrible thing I’ve read all day and I was reading a lot about the pollution in China this morning.
Why is Dwarf Tossing still a thing!
Hi, BabyFriday’s boyfriend!
HELLO THERE CLIVE OWEN.
GIF of the guy flapping is mouth open and shut.
Felicity Huffman and William H. Macy are the adorablest. ADORABLEST I don’t even care if that isn’t a word.
That dress is fantastic. Might be my favorite of the night.
Maggie Smith has been old forever. I bet she made a Faustian bargain with some charitable imp to trade her youth for eternal baddassery.
Her attic has a very young picture of her *TWIST*
if this award was for most pointy nose that girl from boardwalk empire would have taken home the gold medal.
Yay Jessica Lange! Nobody does “crazy bitch” as well as her.
Writers are best when medium rare.
I’d like to thank the Hollywood Foreign Press for this evening of videogum commentators and gin-and-cranberries
Hilarious guy behind michelle pfeiffer.
I’ve seen two people so far on stage correct themselves on points of grammar or usage. Weird!
Drew Barrymore in War Whale!
BOOM NAILED IT MADONNA HOLLYWOOD GETTING BACK AT IT.
Sex on stag, sex on stage!
A gay joke and slut shaming in one bit of banter? Gervais has earned his paycheck.
How’d you like that MADONNA RAZZ, RICKY?!
madona is “killing it”
When did Madonna become Sarah Conner?
Now I feel dumb for growing up watching Weekend at Bernies over and over.
NEVER FEEL DUMB FOR THAT.
Obligatory:
A Separation — GREAT date movie.
I like Shame better.
Good idea. Get a lady’s hopes up.
Emma Stone looks very nice tonight.
Did he just thank his poo?
Is Homeland really that good? Is Claire Danes really that good?!
No. But I hate Claire Danes. HATE HER.
YES. I love GoT as much as the next monster, but Homeland is a truly great show. And Claire Danes makes the most ridiculous cry-faces of all time, but other than that she’s pretty good.
“Make something amazing, with Kraft cheese.” That sounds like a challenge, as if it probably can’t be done.