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It was only a matter of time before Hollywood got around to rebooting the Police Academy franchise, no duh, I mean, no duh, come on. If anything it’s weird that so many other franchises were rebooted before Police Academy. “Let’s table this for now and focus on our bread and butter: Yogi Bear.” What? Anyway, the time is now. From the Hollywood Reporter:
New Line Cinema is entrusting its Police Academy franchise to first-time director Scott Zabielski.
Zabielski has helmed episodes of Comedy Central’s Tosh.0 and is a reserve police officer in West Hollywood. Original producer Paul Maslansky is back for the new iteration, which aims to reboot the seven-film comedy series about a ragtag group of police recruits who repeatedly are called to help save the city.
Perfect. Can’t hardly wait. Love everything about this news and there’s absolutely not a single thing that you could even find to criticize or make jokes about, it’s just wonderful and we live in a perfect society now. But we do need to figure out how to update it for a modern audience. Obviously, all of the head bonks and slurp effects are going to transfer right over, but what about the storyline? Here’s my suggestion:
The bumbling recruits from the local police academy, still wet behind their ears, are forced to save the city from a ruthless multi-national methamphetamine dealer who runs a fried chicken franchise, and also international terrorists who are running an American POW as a sleeper agent, and also the Playstation hackers, who it turns out are all under the powerful control of a teenage syndicate of the fastest SEXTers in the world: 320 SEXTS per minute. Brought to you by Diet Crystal Red Bull.
You know. Something for the kids. Please feel free to leave your updated Police Academy plotlines in the comments. This is still AMERICA, last I checked.
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If you guys haven’t seen Tosh.0, just think of an unfunny Videogum on basic cable.
With Joel McHale’s non-union Mexican equivalent
I’ve always said that young people would have liked Police Academy more if only it had contained nudity and sexual innuendo.
I think Gabe should play Guttenberg’s part:
#shaq4hightower
#danson4lassard
Just make it another (better) Reno 911 movie.
Soundtrack: Terrys South Bitch Live: Fuck You Dad
Hijinks and hilarity ensue when a hapless but lovable class of rookie police officers pepper spray peaceful protesters.
Instead of having a really tiny voice for most of the movie, only to get loud at a pivotal moment, Hooks now has an extremely low voice that gets high at a pivotal moment… maybe during a hostage situation involving a mouse.
#christinahendricks4sgtcallahan
Police Blackademy
More 5318008
!0.1134
You know there’ll be a lawyer/part time newbie cop who gets paid a dollar a year and solves the whole plot.
Instead of Tackleberry being really into guns, his name is Tackleblackberry and he texts really well.
And instead of Jones, it’s just an iPhone app that makes noise all the time, and I guess Tackleblackberry could be the one operating it, and maybe some hijinx would ensue there. I dunno, like Tackleblackberry maybe is sexting Callahan, and it autocorrect him to say “Alan” instead of “Anal” and whatever, it ends up on a Tumblr or something.
Updating movie for today’s youth is probably one of the easiest things you can do.
I think it should be K9 police academy, and it should have the exact same script, but all the parts are played by dogs. Not animated, either: real dogs, and they just do that thing they do to make their lips move. The bad guys should be played by squirrels.
Already happened
Royalties, please.
Sure but to get the checque it’s in Jim Belushi’s contract that you have to have lunch with him and just sort of hang out for a few hours and maybe you should laugh at his jokes, you know be polite and stuff, he’s trying really hard. That’s how it’s written in the contract.
Sorry. PRETTY sure I can just sue him for obviously going forward in time to steal my idea and then going back in time to make one of the greatest movies ever made. And his little dog, too.
Oh shoot
so they’re gunna shoot this whole thing in front of a green screen?
“Zabielski … is a reserve police officer in West Hollywood.”
I like how this information appears to be provided just in case you were worried that any possible Police Academy remake would be in the hands of somebody who couldn’t provide the audience with the same standards of realistic law enforcement training practices that the original brought us.
It should be in 3D.
I know a storyline that is up for grabs these days. It’d be hip for the kidz in Williamsburg, too!
#Hitler’smom4SteveGuttenberg
Can’t Steve Guttenberg just play ALL the parts in this one?
No, Ryan Gosling is playing all the parts in this one.
Sounds like a job for TEEN KORNER