It was only a matter of time before Hollywood got around to rebooting the Police Academy franchise, no duh, I mean, no duh, come on. If anything it’s weird that so many other franchises were rebooted before Police Academy. “Let’s table this for now and focus on our bread and butter: Yogi Bear.” What? Anyway, the time is now. From the Hollywood Reporter:
New Line Cinema is entrusting its Police Academy franchise to first-time director Scott Zabielski.
Zabielski has helmed episodes of Comedy Central’s Tosh.0 and is a reserve police officer in West Hollywood. Original producer Paul Maslansky is back for the new iteration, which aims to reboot the seven-film comedy series about a ragtag group of police recruits who repeatedly are called to help save the city.
Perfect. Can’t hardly wait. Love everything about this news and there’s absolutely not a single thing that you could even find to criticize or make jokes about, it’s just wonderful and we live in a perfect society now. But we do need to figure out how to update it for a modern audience. Obviously, all of the head bonks and slurp effects are going to transfer right over, but what about the storyline? Here’s my suggestion:
The bumbling recruits from the local police academy, still wet behind their ears, are forced to save the city from a ruthless multi-national methamphetamine dealer who runs a fried chicken franchise, and also international terrorists who are running an American POW as a sleeper agent, and also the Playstation hackers, who it turns out are all under the powerful control of a teenage syndicate of the fastest SEXTers in the world: 320 SEXTS per minute. Brought to you by Diet Crystal Red Bull.
You know. Something for the kids. Please feel free to leave your updated Police Academy plotlines in the comments. This is still AMERICA, last I checked.