Posted on Jan 8th, 2009 by 11 Comments

Here’s a trailer for a movie called Spread that’s going to the Sundance Film Festival instead of probably hundreds of other better movies. Ashton Kutcher is some sort of Jay-Gatsby-but-boring character who kisses a lot of women and mumbles all of his lines as if he’s on Oxycontin. It’s so bad it’s worth hate-watching. I’m going to be generous here and say Ashton Kutcher is actually a much better actor than this:

So Anne Heche kills them or something? I mean, presumably something happens other than Ashton Kutcher just having a lot of somnambulatory fun. I hate this movie so much already that I hereby place a curse upon it: may it leave the Sundance film festival without a distribution deal. That’s right: I went there. I hope Ashton Kutcher and Anne Heche had a lot of pretend sex for nothing. (Also, what’s a “promo trailer”? It’s two minutes long. It’s a trailer. It just sucks. At least own it.)

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Comments (11)
  1. Sara  |   Posted on Jan 8th, 2009 0

    Ew, nice voice, Ashton Kutcher.

    Reply
  2. somuchbailefunk  |   Posted on Jan 8th, 2009 +1

    I’m not sure if this even warrants a hate-watch.

    Reply
  3. The Life of the Mind  |   Posted on Jan 8th, 2009 0

    Does Ashton Kutcher need money or something? I thought he was making enough money from those Nikon ads and being in the sac with Demi Moore that we wouldn’t have to see his idiot face on the big screen again. Hopefully Lindsay’s wish comes true and we won’t.

    Reply
  4. Dan  |   Posted on Jan 8th, 2009 0

    Why is he talking like Rocky?

    Reply
  5. Josh  |   Posted on Jan 8th, 2009 0

    Please, say that you’re kidding. Say this didn’t make to Sundance.
    1) A guy sleeps with a lot of women, until one makes him fall in love and changes him. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!
    2) I’m going to be Aston Kutcher in this movie for next Halloween, because his mumbly voice is the single most ridiculous thing ever.
    3) I want to see every single film that did not make it because of this. And then kill the head of Sundance.

    Reply
  6. Bible Man  |   Posted on Jan 8th, 2009 +2

    The music is actually embarrassing

    Reply
  7. Dolf  |   Posted on Jan 8th, 2009 0

    Even the music director phoned it in. (This movie does not have a music director) Was that The Crystal Method I heard?

    Reply
  8. bcharles  |   Posted on Jan 9th, 2009 0

    paying money to watch something you are going to hate but want to watch it anyways because you want to hate it is stupid

    Reply
  9. Aria  |   Posted on Jan 9th, 2009 0

    what’s with the constant suspenders?? And the scarves. Always with the suspender and scarf combination.

    Reply
  10. T  |   Posted on Jan 9th, 2009 0

    Great. And my movie (http://blip.tv/file/773555/) got rejected. Great.

    Reply
  11. susan  |   Posted on Jan 9th, 2009 0

    yuck. but i do find sleepy/drugged ashton a lot more attractive than manic/spaz ashton.

    Reply

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