Gwyneth Paltrow launched her iPhone app today. It’s a travel guide to New York City. Now for only $3.99 and the cost of a suite at the St. Regis you can live like the insufferable half lives!
Gabe is just bitter that there’s not a version available that will work on his Jitterbug.
Gabe is bitter because this very useful guide just had to come out right after he moved out of town.
I just installed this and when I look up Brooklyn, it just says “Brooklyn was settled in 1634. Gabriel Delahaye still lives here. [Dismissive Laugh].”
Tip #27. Watch out for my car. It could save you from 9/11.
Never forget Dr. Feelgood’s “Tip #27.”
My travel guide to NYC:
1. Skip Times Square
2. For the love of God, don’t eat at a chain restaurant
3. If you get lost on the subway, ask for help. We are more than happy to make sure you don’t accidentally take the D to Sunset Park.
4. Really, skip Times Square.
5. If you see Gwyneth Paltrow in her SUV, remember that she is out there saving lives.
Why would I not eat at a chain? Arby’s is delicious no matter where you are!
You don’t understand. There are restaurants in New York that actually serve chains. It’s really a hipster thing and I don’t get it at all.
Anyone ordering the hot links is sure to be disappointed.
I was forced to go to Times Square on my first trip to NY in September. I left my debit card at one of my host’s homes and she worked nearby. In a freak coincidence though I ran into my brother’s girlfriend there, and she goes to Columbia, but still what are the odds?
Seriously though, for all the shit people give New Yorkers about being rude, I have never met nicer people in my whole life.
I got the most out of it by pretty much walking everywhere and taking the subway just when I had to.
The cities really turned itself around ever since Gabe left.
in the 7 years I’ve lived here, which is still a relatively small sample size, i have noticed that most new yorkers are really nice to tourists/strangers, but fucking miserably rude to their friends, family, and colleagues.
Plenty of Reservations w/ Gwyneth Paltrow
The Goop city guide: Because I can’t trust travel tips from anyone other than myself.
Does it have a public bathroom locator? One is going to need it after going on a cleanse
I need someone to come here and put a lock on my phone right now because I know I will think it’s a funny thing to download when I’m drunk on wine with my mom next week. And I’ve bought a lot of stupid things when I’m drunk, but you can return shoes. You can’t return dignity.
You can at Kohl’s. They’ll let you return ANYTHING.
Their commercials make it sound like you can even return your newborn there, if you’re not totally satisfied.
P.S. You guys, that is just the dumbest marketing strategy, to have commercials advertising your excellent return policy. Glad to know the best thing about shopping at Kohl’s is how easy it is to deal with your regret!
Her tips are usually really helpful. Like one week she cut wheat COMPLETELY out of her diet and the next week she told us to make sure to use whole wheat bread! So helpful and confusing! Thanks fishsticks paltrow!
Shouldn’t this be for London?
I thought the same thing. She probably has one for London too and all her favorite cities like Paris and Stockholm and Rome. I’m sure there’s probably ones for Monrovia and Lagos too.
Yelp did it first. Nice try Gwynie.
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