Photos
Since 2004, a Hollywood executive named Franklin Leonard has compiled a list of the “hottest” up-and-coming but unproduced screenplays in town as voted on by a secret elite squad of more than 300 fellow executives and fat cats. The list has helped to launch the careers of people like Diablo Cody, and whoever wrote (500) Days of Summer. Today, the list for 2011 came out, and you can read it here. Congratulations to everyone who made this year’s list. Especially a promising young man named Quentin Tarantino?! (Some people complain that the list has become a publicity tool of the studios, and that rather than highlighting unknown writers as it was originally intended to do, the list is now a collection of relatively high-profile and pre-vetted projects written by established showbiz insiders. I have no idea what half of the words in that sentence even mean, so I do not know if this is true or not, but I will say that Quentin Tarantino getting a script on The Black List definitely suggests that something might be up. Congratulations to him, though. Fingers crossed for all of his hopes and dreams.) Of course, as is Hollywood Tradition, another Black List was released today. Gabe Delahaye’s Black List Of Make Believe Movie Titles He Just Made Up Two Seconds Ago 2011. It’s a real treat every year. People love it. (Previously: My The Black List, 2010, My The Black List, 2009, and My The Black List, 2008.)
As always, I am proud to present first and exclusively the My The Black List in its entirety:
Doctor’s Orders
Welcome To Dream Town, Population: Orphans
Waiter, There’s A Zombie In My Soup!
11 Coats
A Young Girl Does Something That Surprises Her Close Minded Native Town Of Male Elders
Major Claybourne’s Sonnet
Heaviness
What I Learned From Some Elephants
Yo, Mrs. Kafka!
You And Me And Him And Her And Us And Them And This And That And Huh?
Congratulations to all of the made up titles that are so stupid.
 |
 |
You Might Also Like
Leave a Reply
Sign inSign in with FacebookYou must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.
Is 11 Coats the sequel to 1,111 Dalmatians?
No. It’s the Sequel to “Paint Your Wagon”.
I notice you didn’t include any made-up titles written by FEMAILE made-up writers. Care to comment?
That one where you buy an overpriced ticket
I prefer that one where you use the automatic ticket machine to buy your tickets, because ticket-takers don’t get paid enough to care whether or not you bought yourself a senior citizen ticket.
Whew, I thought I was the only one who did that. I did get caught once though by an old lady. She just sighed and rolled her eyes though!
That was probably her dying. Seniors, eh?!
Waiter, There’s A Zombie In My Soup! = Automatic Oscar. Move over Clint Eastwood, we got a new Gabe in town for the Oscars
Is “What I Learned From Some Elephants” the long-awaited sequel to Operation: Dumbo Drop? I hope it is. I’VE BEEN WAAAAAAAAITING………
Riffin’ With Gabe
Ruffin’ with Birdie!
“Yo, Mrs. Kafka!” made me chortle. Chortles are good. We like chortles.
“The life and times of a woman married to a metaphorical Man-beetle.”
Poor Kids In Africa Are Smart
Like Water For Elephants II
Slow Motion Memories
Strangerz On A Trizzain
My Wife And Children Are Dead
Sympathetic Attractive People
Connect Four: The Movie
Cheese And Whine
Everyone I Know Has A Beard
My Dreams Are Better Than Yours
Scrappy Kid From The Streets
Drug Habits Make You Stronger
Drug Habits Make You Stronger!! +1000000000000
Buddy movie starring Lindsay Lohan and Courtney Love.
“Major Claybourne’s Sonnet” just made me choke on my Coke Zero!
choke zero!!!(?)!
(i’ll see myself out)
Nope. Have a seat!
Gabriel’s List
Still waiting for the M*A*S*H* re-re-reboot set in present day Afghanistan, and starring a bunch of young Hollywood hunks. C’mon Tinseltown, this stuff’s not gonna write itself!
Really?? REALLY?!?!
“MAGGIE by John Scott 3
As a “walking dead” virus spreads across the country, a farm family helps their eldest daughter come to terms with her infection as she slowly becomes a flesh-eating zombie.”
Come to terms with her infection?? OMG COME ON!
Wasn’t that basically the plot of Return Of The Living Dead 3? Except it also had a homeless man in a mech suit?
Infection= havings periods, becomes a flesh-eating zombie= becomes a woman. So it’s like Little red Riding Hood, but with zombies. And without werewolves.
And also without Angela Lansbury’s porcelain head smashing into a wall. Presumably.
Oh COME ON! No way am I the only one who saw that stupid, stupid movie!
I like how it’s John Scott 3, and not John Scott III. Very Hollywood! Though he is obviously missing out on the chance to have his name be John Scott 3: Port of Call – The Squeakuel.
You forgot these gems:
Cretin
Answer
Slide
The Cabinet
Jigging
Grabbed
Movie
and
A Coat: The True Story of a Coat
“Movie” led me to think that Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer should make a movie called Movie Movie where they just make fun of their own parody movies.
Somehow they would still be able to fuck it up.
I would like to take this opportunity to point out that ‘Not Another Teen Movie’ was NOT made by Friedberg and Seltzer. NATM actually comments on the spectrum of teen films it’s parodying. It’s not a film dumping ground for lame, 6-month old pop culture references like, “Hey look, it’s Pimp my Ride! Hey, remember when Tom Cruise jumped up and down on a couch?! Twilight’s dumb, right?!?! Remember when Twilight was all like Twilight?!?!?!?! That’ll be $14!!!”
In conclusion, I really like Not Another Teen Movie.
I do not enjoy the ‘parody’ films of Friedberg and Seltzer.
Agreed. Also: Airplane. That is all.
Oh yeah, completely agree on Not Another Teen Movie, especially the parody of She’s All That when the jocks look out over the student body to decide what girl they’re gonna make prom queen and they gloss over all the really unfortunate looking girls cause they’d be too easy to clean up and settle on the adorkable hot girl with glasses cause she’s a hideous nerd! It’s funny cause it’s so effin true!
“No, no, no, no! Anyone but her! Not… Janie Briggs! Guys, she’s got GLASSES and a PONYTAIL! Aw, look at that! She’s got paint on her overalls! What is that?! Guys, there’s no way she could be prom queen!”
I love that part.
HA! Forgot that paint on her overalls was the dealbreaker (as it should be).
that film actually kinda sorta happened
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1302019/
hahahaha! These remind me of “Clash of the Titans: Titans. Will. Clash.”
I want to see that coat movie.
How To Make A Foreign Film Into A Gorgeous but Pointless Hollywood Blockbuster (first in a trilogy)
Not Another Remake Movie
JURASSIC PARK by Imran Zaidi
A high school couple and two of their friends ditch school to catch a special preview screening of JURASSIC PARK.
Uhhh.. WHAT?
I hope it’s better than Imran’s last movie, Schindler’s List
Seriously, that movie was terrible. I mean, first of all it was unrealistic. Would a high school couple and their friends ditch class to see a movie about Oscar Schindler? C’mon that would never happen.
And the ordering popcorn scene…my god. SO boring. Just order your popcorn and pick a soft drink already. Jeez. So much time wasted developing characters. I get it, Imran, your characters like Fanta and extra butter.
And talk about confusing! Who was the guy sitting behind them in the theatre? Why did he look so sad the whole time? That guy didn’t make any sense. He never even said anything and who goes to see a movie by themselves?!
And the ending. THE ENDING! They just leave the cinema and go home? Ugh. Credits. In the time I watched Imran’s Schindler’s List, I could have just watched Schindler’s List.
yeah, but for all the film’s problems, you’ve gotta admit that the highlight was when they initially sat down but then decided to move a couple rows up after they discovered the floor was all sticky with soda. The acting was spot on. I was like, “Wow, they really want to move so their shoes won’t get any more sticky.”
Oh PLEASE that was so anti-feminist, I mean first of all its just so stereotypical that the female character would want to move ‘ohhh my shoes are soooo sticky’ and then it’s the big strong male lead that has to save her butt and help her up the aisle. What a load of baloney. ‘Hello box office? I’d like my money back. And don’t you go and Jew me on it.’ – me, after seeing Schindler’s List
Ryan Gosling: The Movie
Someone Died And We’re Sad
Men Still Don’t Know What Women Want
Stella Gets ReGrooved
Man vs. Nature vs. Boredom
Hot Chicks and Dumpy Comedians
3-D Men and A Baby
Crinkly Cranks: 2 Old 2 Cranky
I’m Pooping: The Movie
What about…
Horse Riot 3D
This Desk, Now
Roofus en Vivo
The Volvo Hammock
Alien vs. A lien. (Topical mortgage crisis drama).
I Melt With You
oh wait. and also WMOAT.
I’m sure the Black List has most definitely become a publicity tool for industry insiders, but a friend of mine’s script ended up on this year’s list, and he is a wildly unknown writer, so at least in one case I can tell you it is fulfilling its supposed purpose.
A Wildly Unknown Writer: the Movie
“Sing Monkey Sing”
Got this title from the megaplex marquee in the background of a Simpsons episode once.
“Here Come the Quakers”
I think that was on the same Simpsons marquee. Quite a double bill.
What’s Up With Ladies?!
Affluenza, or The Unbearable Whiteness of Being
Klondike! (It’s about gold mining AND solitaire)
Tamagotchi: The Motion Picture
Oh, I was hoping Klondike would be about ice cream…
Damnable Punchbowl
Donut School
Mrs. Winterberg’s Good Idea
Car Fight: High Stakes
The President of Brazil Gets Down to It
Swords on a Bike
The Torture Experiment: R+D Phase
Jaws
The Thickest Pudding
Ointment, Tincture, Lotion, Salve
Once Upon a Time at Fuddrucker’s
The Spy Wore Corduroy
The Ukuleleist
Bark Goes the Werewolf
The Bourne Sudoku
Fart: The Musical
P.S. I’m posting two days after everyone is done with this thread, just to setup a pretty stupid joke for next year’s Black List. See you then.