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Between the clip posted after the jump of a woman crying because of kittens and this clip in which a big old bruiser actually falls to his knees in terror of puppies, the Animal Planet show My Extreme Animal Phobia is quickly becoming The Best Show. I’m sure the episode in which an old woman has a heart attack and dies live on the air because she doesn’t like ferrets is kind of boring and also who likes ferrets? But watching grown adults reduced to tears by ADORABLE THINGS is the funniest. The therapist says that Sandra’s fear of cats might look funny, but that it’s very real for her, which is a good point, Sandra’s fear of cats DOES look funny! Enough with this molly-coddling though for real. TIME TO GROW UP, EVERYBODY. Put on a clean pair of big boy pants and don’t shit them this time. We live in a genuinely terrifying world, there is no time to be crying over cute kittens. Don’t you know there is a war on?! If you really can’t get over your fear of sweet-faced, lovable kit cats, then here is what you do: shut up and don’t go on TV about it. You’re embarrassing yourself! I love it, but you’re embarrassing yourself and you’re also embarrassing your sister who has just about had enough.
Sandra’s sister is the best. “Fucking come the fuck on, Sandra.” Seriously, Sandra. Listen to your sister. “Meow! Meow, Sandra!” Hahahhaha. That was your sister impersonating a cat! STOP CRYING, IT WAS JUST A JOKE! I love when the therapist says that she won’t let anything hurt her. Because I imagine all of the cats suddenly getting out of their glass enclosures and attacking her, and the therapist giving her life to save Sandra from the murderous throng of adorkable kittens. SANDRA, RUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNN! Just kidding, you don’t have to run, they are just cats, good grief. SANDRA, GROW UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP! (Via BuzzFeed.)
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Well I guess Sandra can’t use the internet then
And she better get married
Sandra would definitely hate me, what with my cat class and cat style.
I have a fear of commentators. I think that it’s rational though.
“I feel like get me out of here, someone come and rescue me” – Sandra, and also all the cats.
http://www.google.com/imgres?hl=en&safe=off&client=firefox-a&hs=tUj&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&channel=s&biw=1024&bih=548&tbm=isch&tbnid=w24qklrL_S9PGM:&imgrefurl=http://www.philadelphiaweekly.com/food/Philadelphia-Seoul.html&docid=Pt3kkw-qStWeMM&imgurl=http://images2.fanpop.com/images/photos/2900000/The-Nightman-Cometh-its-always-sunny-in-philadelphia-2900505-200-200.jpg&w=200&h=200&ei=b6jTTs_IHoHd0QHI5c3BCA&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=338&vpy=282&dur=73&hovh=160&hovw=160&tx=47&ty=95&sig=100492293250392449656&page=1&tbnh=160&tbnw=160&start=0&ndsp=8&ved=1t:429,r:5,s:0
What could’ve been…
Is this heaven?
I was at a party where the hosts had a pet tarantula and when I noticed it I lost all the feeling in my extremities. Isn’t that just as stupid as being afraid of cats? Cats are harder to step on!
(Also, real talk, no one put up photos of spiders please. I am legitimately e-begging you.)
You can’t tell me what to do!
It is so not the same.
No, Spiders are not of this world, what with their hundreds of eyeballs and hideously octal limbs…all covered in hair and webbings and such. Evil incarnate.
Relevant: my girlfriend finally convinced me to install a (very minimal) recording studio in the wine cellar. The cellar is dank, but silent. It is a haven for spiders of all types and sizes. I enter with a vacuum cleaner every time.
Thank god I was born in Canada where spiders are venom free, small and polite. And even then, fuck you, you’re getting vacuumed.
For realz. I had a VERY HIGH BROW conversation with some of my VERY INTELLECTUAL friends that are much smarter than your friends as will be evident after this anecdote about which animals, specifically which very small animals would you least like to see develop into a species the size of, say, a black lab. Considering all that’s out there; bees, scorpions, centipedes, Frankie Muniz, it’s a testament to the sheer repulsiveness and paralyzing, fear-inducing reputation of spiders that they received the number one vote from everyone who was present. It wasn’t even close.
yeah, if they wanted to get specific about that, the winner is Camel Spider. It’s already halfway there, size-wise, anyways. Straight out of Alien. It goes against everything I believe about spiders, but I’ll bet a Lab-sized Tarantula would be cuter than most things.
Also likely underrated by the participants of your discussion: Mosquitoes. Those things are hideous with a giant stabbing device as their proboscis. But yeah, still not as skeery as a giant Recluse. I’d take a whole dose of poison pills if I even knew a lab-sized Recluse existed on this planet.
Goliath Birdeater, dude. Not posting a picture out of respect for Aunt Martha, but you should google image search it if you’re feeling like your pants are too dry today. It’s exactly the sort of thing you would expect to be named “Goliath Birdeater.”
Oh don’t worry, I once looked at a picture of a Goliath Birdeater and that’s how come I know now not to ever look at pictures of Goliath Birdeaters.
And I’m all like, “is this the first annual hosting of arachni-gum, or WHAT?!”
My heart rate accelerated while reading this thread (and initially I accidentally typed “threat’).
#justsaying
This is why I find homophobia hilarious.
Love it at 1:23 when it suddenly cuts to a black and white kitten pawing at the glass, as if the editor is trying to say, “Yes, they ARE adorable, harmless kittens – but look, THAT one is trying to get out and paw her to death, so her fears might be founded after all!”
Maybe this is why?
Sandra must not be a fan of the weekly adorable animal video segment on Videogum. I’m sure the blind kitten would be her nemesis. #occupyblindkittenoversandra
You know those cats are totally diggin’ it, too. Dogs would be like “don’t be afraid, I just want to be friends and get pets” while cats are like “that’s right, cower before me, you stupid human”.
I have a friend who is terrified of cats. She tells us that they are “shady” and that she imagines them clawing her eyes out.
I have a cat that hides when people come over, and doesn’t really like anyone. When my friend comes over this cat follows her all over the house, purring and trying to sit on her lap.
They totally smell fear.
That black and white kitten is the BEST. He is totally staring at her with an expression on his little kitty face like, “Really? C,mon, Really???”
Look, if they can convert an old YMCA shower room into a very effective jail, you don’t need to worry too much, lady.
the death stare at 1:20 over and over and over again.
Nothing terrifying about this cat at all.
Please tell me the therapist takes her to see CATS: The Musical at some point in this episode.
this cat senses her fear and runs with it all the way to the bank.
Really, no one has posted Maury fears yet?
Wow, Maury is the fucking worst.
“no, cotton balls are”–carolyn
“The therapist”? I’m sorry, that is Dr. Robin Zasio.
Also known as “The Worst”.
Is she always this awful and condescending?
She’s just adding to my fear of crappy shrinks who pretend to be sympathetic but basically tune everything out and just talk slowly and in a high-pitched voice. I’d rather talk to Doctor Nick Rivera than people like her.
You think that’s awful and condescending? Your fear might just be of shrinks.
My positive opinion of Dr. Zasio was formed when I saw her trudging through piles of people’s secondhand garbage and adult diapers. Why would she do that? She does not look like the kind of person who would do that! And yet she does.
Or she did. Now she’s holding people’s hands as they cry in the face of cats.
I ACTUALLY just recognized her from Hoarders. Does that mean I watch too much hoarders? I think that means I watch too much Hoarders.
(I’m gunna watch Hoarders in my office now.)
You do not watch too much Hoarders if you don’t follow Dr. Zasio on Facebook, and so knew this show was coming a few weeks ago.
Somehow I didn’t know it premiered! “My ridiculous Animal phobia” seemed like it was worth missing. I was wrong!
Phobia confessions time?
Alright. I’m not AFRAID of these things, but they freak me out: big, full trees on stormy nights (They could fall on you or pick you up and run away. Either one, really), being surrounded by trucks on the expressway (They could all – sovereign of their drivers – decide to box you in and smush your tiny car because hahahaha they’re trucks and you’re not), being blocked by a really loud train while I’m on my bike (Bikes don’t have windows to roll up, so you’re just the jerk with your fingers in your ears – and your eyes squeezed closed? – on your bike while the train is passing).
Now… does the fact that each of these things begins with “tr” have anything to do with this? Who can say? It’s probably just a coincidence, right?
Your turn.
Also, big full trees might eat you, Poltergeist-style, on stormy nights. I was so scared of the peach tree outside my bedroom window from the age of five, when my mom thought it’d be a fun family activity to watch that movie, until ten, when we moved out of that house.
I’m not scared of that anymore, because I am a grown person, but I am terrified of crickets. They can just jump on you from out of nowhere! You are always vulnerable to crickets. And the maddening, incessant chirping…
“You are always vulnerable to crickets.”
The more you know (TM)
I’m still not really cool with elevators. But only because I got stuck in an elevator once for a while with no cell service–thought it was going to be the end–and had to pry open the door myself. Luckily I get to systematically desensitize myself everyday by using one. Hoooooooray!
So, I love astronomy. Love space. Love the bright side of sci-fi/future stuff. Kind of bummed that I’ll never be chilling in Jupiter’s orbit.
Though not so bummed, because the idea of looking out a window and just getting a face full of Jupiter fills me with a deep sort of pants-shitting terror.
Love space. Scared of big space things. Or maybe the notion of falling through nothing, toward a monstrous gravity beast whose sheer life-destroying, gargantuan malice would make our own planet’s casual indifference seem like a loving caress?
this is how i feel about black holes and quasars, particularly black holes. they and emit no light and can literally destroy anything in its path. yikes.
they emit*. my computer loves me and moves my cursor….often.
All of these seem totally reasonable to me. But that’s probably why my doctor gives me Klonapin and lots of it.
My upstairs neighbor (he is six) is also petrifyingly afraid of kitties. He is six.
As for me, here’s what I fear irrationally: being seen at night through an uncovered window (but only in my parents’ house, not in my house). Here’s what I fear rationally: large vehicles when I am on my bike, police violence (I am way more afraid of police than of crime), that despite my devastating charm and good looks I will never meet a person who can love me as I am.
But…she LOOKS like a cat. I think her problem is more self-loathing than anything else.
I also think this is the best show. Til Breaking Bad returns.
RIP Community.