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Cameron Crowe has made some good movies, yes, but not in awhile. Say Anything? Very good! Singles? OK, sure. Even Jerry Maguire is totally decent for what it is. But I was not a huge fan of Almost Famous, although I recognize it was very popular and successful, but even people who liked can probably agree that this was where Cameron Crowe found two roads in the wood and took the road more awful. Elizabethtown is STILL at the top of the list of the Worst Movies Ever Made. And his latest movie, We Bought a Zoo, looks worse still! Like, so bad. Like, you want to go stand outside Cameron Crowe’s bedroom window with a boombox raised above your head blasting “Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?”
One of the biggest problems with Cameron Crowe’s later movies is that he seems to have substituted decent soundtracks for actual human emotion and believable narratives. Are the characters flat and the story falling short? Throw in Peter Gabriel’s “Solsbury Hill”! (In general, if there is anything even remotely in doubt, throw in Peter Gabriel’s “Solsbury Hill.”) Music has obviously always been important to Cameron Crowe, and heck, we all like music. Who doesn’t like music? It’s just not how you make an actual movie. (See: Tron: Legacy. Counterpoint: see: Drive.) And now, apparently, Cameron Crowe isn’t just using music to manipulate his audience’s emotions to their own detriment, he is also using it to manipulate actors to their own detriment. The story going around today is that in order to convince Matt Damon to even agree to appear in We Bought A Zoo he made him a special mixtape and that is what sealed the deal. Wait, what? Is that how it works now?! (That is not how it works now.) Here’s the tracklisting:
Pete Townshend, “Save It For Later”
Eddie Vedder, “I’m Open” (Live)
Neil Young, “War of Man” (Live)
The Blue Nile, “Soul Boy”
Jackson Browne, “Mohammed’s Radio”
Shugo Tokumaru, “Sanganichi”
Billy Bragg and Wilco, “Airline to Heaven”
Bob Dylan, “Buckets of Rain”
Don Henley, “Heart of the Matter” (Live)
My Morning Jacket, “I Will Be There When You Die”
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, “Ain’t No Sunshine” (Live)
The Rolling Stones, “Child of the Moon”
Ryan Adams, “If I Am a Stranger”
Beth Orton, “Concrete Sky”
Neil Young, “Helpless” (Live)
Cat Stevens, “Don’t Be Shy”
Mark Olson And The Creekdippers, “Nerstrand Woods”
Ugh. Right. No, sure. I hope Cameron Crowe also at least bought him lunch or something. (And I’m sure the MILLIONS OF DOLLARS that Matt Damon gets paid for brushing his teeth might have INFLUENCED HIS DECISION as much as this nonsense Hollywood publicity myth in the making because this did not actually happen.) What I want to know is what is the mixtape we could have sent Matt Damon to convince him NOT to be in this movie.
Ludacris, “Get Back”
Dinosaur Jr, “Puke and Cry”
Cap’n Jazz, “Planet Shhh”
Magnetic Fields, “You Must Be Out Of Your Mind”
Big Pun, “I’m Not A Player”
Kelly Clarkson, “I Do Not Hook Up”
Pavement, “Spit on a Stranger”
Mariah Carey, “So Obsessed”
Superchunk, “Slack Motherfucker”
Daniel Johnston, “Don’t Let The Sun Go Down”
De La Soul, “No”
Eminem, “Without Me”
Galaxie 500, “Sorry”
Cat Power, “I Don’t Blame You”
Radiohead, “Exit Music (For a Film)”
Jay-Z, “On to the Next One”
Peter Gabriel, “Solsbury Hill”
Better. (Via JoBlo.)
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Solsbury? Really? All this time I thought it was a song about a hill in the region where the Salisbury Steak was invented. I am actually not joking about that.
That first playlist is garbage
That second playlist is AMAZING though. I want to be in that movie. Deal sealed!
But Shugo Tokumaru is the best! If We Bought A Zoo is somehow a movie version of what a Shugo Tokumaru songs sounds like, I’m in. (But I know it won’t be).
That’s true and I agree, and I’m also a sucker for War of Man. But as a whole, we can all agree that Cameron Crowe has garbage taste in music. He has heard that not just Caucasians also release “songs” right? (Again Shugo is the exception here, once again, and now I’m sort of angry that he is.)
Or does he know that music has been produced/recorded/released since the 90s? (Again again Shugo is an exception, also My Morning Jacket but they haven’t been good for a long time).
and this is why videogum monsters are the best. SHUGO HIGH FIVE Y’ALL
But seriously, Gabe, what do you mean you didnt like Almost Famous?????????????
Seriously, did I REALLY just see motherfuckin’ Cap’n Jazz referenced on Videogum?! More Cap’n Jazz references on Videogum, please!
I think “Cap’n Jazz — The Magnetic Fields” elegantly condenses the history/ trajectory of my interests in music.
uh boy. Cameron Crowe and his dumb music. Remember when we had to stop liking Sigur Ros because of Vanilla Sky? Sorry Shugo Tokumaru! Sayonara!
Never!!!!!
I liked Vanilla Sky.
You can download the mixtape at http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/
I got an advance copy of the screenplay. Sample dialogue:
Lets (cue Del the Funky Homosapien: Mr Dobalina) go (cue Rancid: Ruby Soho) to (cue Gram Parsons: Streets of Baltimore) the (cue Apex Twin: Come to Daddy) zoo (cue Heart: Alone).
More importantly, did anyone see John Cusack on Woody Allen: American Masters. He’s the best.
Upvote for Gram Parsons. AND…..I did see John Cusack on Woody Allen; really enjoyed it!
The second playlist doesn’t seem like it’s enough to scare off somebody who has been in Kevin Smith films
Don Henley “New York Minute”
Dinosaur Jr. “Don’t”
Sum 41 “The Hell Song”
Wu-Tang Clan “MC Conditioner”
LeAnn Rimes “Can’t Fight the Moonlight”
Lil B “Wonton Soup”
John Mayer “Waiting on the World to Change”
Rob Zombie “Dragula”
Billy Joel “We Didn’t Start The Fire”
Lynyrd Skynyrd “Gimme Three Steps”
Ashlee Simpson “Pieces of Me”
Ludacris “Move Bitch”
Sting “Desert Rose”
Busta Rhymes “Arab Money”
Counting Crows “Big Yellow Taxi”
Rob Zombie “Dragula (Reprise)”
That’s a bitchin playlist! Well, the second one, anyway. The first one might be alright, except for Don Henley. Seriously?
The only way this movie will be worth it is if the lions band together with Cesar from ROTPOTA and forge a rebellion against “Matt Damon’s” family, feasting on their carcasses as the 2 suns set over Tatooine.
Thisisthesame trick they used to get Kevin James into the zookeeper.
Songs 1-13: who let the dogs out
Blue Nile, Don Henley and Beth Orton don’t belong in that list. They all washed their hair this year.