IT’S HERE! THE HUNGER GAMES TRAILER IS HEEERRRRREEEEEE! Well, it’s been out since Monday. But rules are rules. Someone Tweeted at us on Monday asking about our thoughts on the trailer and we said that The Hunger Games trailer can wait for Friday just like all the other trailers. It’s not so special. Oh, it thinks it is, but it ain’t. There’s also a new Robert DeNiro movie and a trailer for Titanic 3D which is basically just a trailer for Titanic but with a lot more boring talking at the beginning. Oh, and wait until you see the trailer for a movie directed by Vincent D’Onofrio. Whoops, Vincent D’Onofrio, that’s the movie you directed! You’ll see. You’ll see.
The Hunger Games
I don’t know, this looks kind of shitty? Am I in trouble now? Is the Youth Army going to imprison me for crimes against youthmanity? It just looks kind of boring and I hate all of the outfits and I guess the makeup and ugly faces do kind of fit the book, but those were more fun to imagine than to actually see, and they don’t even show ONE child murder. How are people supposed to get on board if we don’t even get to see one child murder in the trailer?
HAHAHAAHAHAHAHA. Great. Yup. (Nope.) This trailer makes me REALLY curious what Julia Roberts is like when she’s just home by herself. I bet it’s almost exactly like this.
The Iron Lady
Yes. We’re all on board with this, right? Next trailer, please.
Oh brother. If we give this movie an Oscar now does that mean no one actually has to see it?
I already hated the movie Grindhouse when it was called Grindhouse. Like, this looks fun enough, I guess, but it also seems like the biggest heist of all is how many movies they had to rip off to make this movie. And what’s going on with Forest Whitaker? Is he OK? Is he sick? Is his voice sick?
“Thank you for staying true to Titanic“? What the hell does that even mean?! You mean there are courageous men and women out there (just kidding, women only) who have refused to join the popular Anti-Titanic movement that currently controls the government and all media outlets? Stay strong, ladies. And go see Rose fall into the ocean in exciting 3D on January 1st 2014 (I wasn’t paying attention to anything about this).
Don’t Go Into The Woods
Uhhhhhhhhhhh……whuuuuuuuuuuuuut?! I don’t even. Uhhhhhhhhh. First of all, who lets their friend chop up their cell phone with a hatchet just because they’re going camping for the weekend? That is even more insane than going into the woods when clearly there is a sign that says not to go in the woods. Have you guys ever been in the woods? It’s fucking terrifying. Never go in there. Bad stuff happens there. That’s where Laura Palmer dies FOR A REASON. And if you do go in the woods, don’t go in the woods. These kids deserve it. Stop playing that terrible music. SOMEONE CHOP HIS GUITAR OFF!