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What a long strange trip it’s been! Just kidding. It’s been a pretty short normal trip. Nevertheless, it is interesting to stand at the vantage point of a year gone by and reflect on how things have changed. This December is particularly meaningful, of course, because Videogum didn’t exist last December. But even the Lawnmower Man birth cry of all the phones in the world ringing in unison–which is what we did for our launch party–aside, there are plenty of notable people and events from the past year outside of the inception of THE WORLD’S FOREMOST RESOURCE ON TRAMPOLINE ACCIDENTS.
Gwyneth Paltrow
After years of much appreciated silence, Gwyneth reappeared this year, and it appears she spent the past decade locked away in some Tibetan monastery somewhere, mastering the ancient art of being the worst. She was FINE in Iron Man, because she was playing a fictional character who does not exist. But the actual Gwyneth Paltrow was a walking nightmare of self-indulgent satisfaction. From her PBS series about traveling around Spain with Mario Batali like a couple of aging Talented Mr. Ripleys, to her lifestyle website, Goop, in which she throws it in everyone’s face that she likes clean spaces, as if we don’t all like clean spaces, you pampered condescending asshole, she is at the top of this year’s Worst list.
50 Cent
We like 50 Cent’s theatrically monosyllabic boast raps and simplistic hyper-sexualized robotic love songs, but this year he definitely proved that the well-worn adage “you can take the G out of the hood, but you can’t take the hood out of the G” is patently false. If you take the G out of the hood and put him in a 37-bedroom mansion in Connecticut and have him create his own videogame, Apprentice-rip-off reality show, and self-directed movies based on his new album that’s a watered down parody of his old album, there’s not much hood left. It’s mostly just the black Citizen Kane, wandering around in his diamond shorts, wondering why people don’t connect to the hard-living experience of an incredibly financially successful media mogul with terrible ideas.
Alan Ball
He created True Blood.
True Blood is terrible.
Creators of terrible things are the worst.
People who are the worst are on this list.
Logic.
Brody Jenner
Brody Jenner will appear on this list every year until he is forgotten, and every year we will collectively pray that it’s the last one. But he’s been on TV since the Princes of Malibu in 2005, and his reign of self-absorbed mediocrity has not ended yet. And with the premiere of Bromance on December 29th, he has already solidified his place on next year’s list. ))<>((. The man has Bumble and Bumble sculpting mud for brains.
David Blaine
David Blaine is terrible, yes, but his latest “illusion” went so terribly wrong that you almost felt bad for him. From the constant snack breaks he took from hanging upside down, to the botched finale where he was clearly lifted up into the air by a crane, the whole thing was such a monumental FAIL that it would almost make you pity the guy, but then the next day he blamed the whole thing on George W. Bush (?) so fuck him.
Kathie Lee Gifford
We used to think Al Roker was the worst because his grinning embrace of high-energy mediocrity embodied everything that is wrong with middle class middle America, with its complacency and its fear of difference. But that was before we were introduced to this woman. She’s the embodiment of Mike Albo’s Underminer wrapped up in the psychologically fragile cipher of an aging would-be Broadway star who’s grasping with all 10 talons at anything that might stave off the slowly drooping effects of age, but there’s nothing there. She is grasping at air. Kathie Lee Gifford would eat your face if she thought that it would keep people paying attention to her.
Kathy Griffin
Look, if you like Kathy Griffin’s comedy, bully for you. It’s not for me, but neither are a lot of other really successful people who make a lot of money and laughter for the people, so that’s not my beef. But the woman is a liar. If she would simply drop this whole Life on the D List schtick and make peace with the fact that she’s a wealthy, popular celebrity with a hit TV show, then we could all move forward with our lives. I’m not even saying that she has to change the name of her show, but enough with the put-upon frantic tap dance routine. Work that shit out in therapy, or in your infinity pool.
Kim Zolciak
It’s tempting to feel bad for The Real Housewives of Atlanta‘s Kim Zolciak. She’s almost a tragic figure. Despite the fact that she made up a completely unacceptable story about one time thinking for three days that she might have cancer as if that made her a “survivor,” the fact of the matter is girl does wear a wig, most likely due to some kind of health issue. She was also recently dumped by the married man she was dating, and probably hates the shit out of herself. The rest of the cast seems to despise her, and she was carefully edited by the producers into the villain of the show. Nevertheless, almost all of this is her own doing. It’s her own dark, insatiable hunger for attention that brought her to this. And anyone who goes on a reality TV show with their children is a fucking bad parent, case closed.
M Night Shyamalan
Oh man. This guy. Where to even begin. The chokers? The self-aggrandizement? Or should we just begin with the tone deaf unintentionally hilarious-but-so-hilarious movie he made about KILLER TREES? M. Night Shyamalan has been terrible at his job for a long time, with movies like Signs and Lady in the Water ranking among the worst movies of the past decade, but he really outdid himself with The Happening. In fact, it was so bad that you almost want him to keep going, just to see what his self-indulgently, filterless retard brain will come up with next. Almost. But actually you want him to stop.
Mark Wahlberg
Mark Wahlberg is one of the best actors working today. We like him very much. But 2008 wasn’t his year. Between The Happening and Max Payne, he farted all over the movies. And we will always blame him for Entourage. But the thing that earned him a spot on the list was his humorless, anti-Semitic feud with Andy Samberg after Samberg’s “Mark Wahlberg Talks to Animals” impression on SNL. In the end it turned out to mostly be a well-orchestrated publicity stunt, but even when the two of them met face to face, Wahlberg still had to make a completely unnecessary remark about the size of Samberg’s nose. Bad vibrations.
Mike Myers
Mike Myers is one of the worst people of 2008 because of The Love Guru, ads for The Love Guru, interviews about The Love Guru, and the DVD release of The Love Guru.
Serena Van Der Woodsen
Admittedly, Serena Van Der Woodsen is not an actual person, but she’s still one of the worst “people” of 2008. She was bad last year, too, but a) this list didn’t formally exist last year, and b) she’s even worse now. Her whole “I need to shine the way God intended” mean-spirited Queen B-ascendant bullshit is really unacceptable, EVEN FROM A FICTIONAL CHARACTER. And if you need further proof that she’s the worst, SHE DATES AARON ROSE. On the night Bart Bass died, we prayed that fake God would fake take Serena instead.
Seth MacFarlane
The creator of the execrable Family Guy re-upped his contract this year for 100 million dollars. He also created a series of on-line videos that seemed to have been culled from the execrable Family Guy‘s cutting room floor. He also held a contest in which one lucky fan would win the honor of buying him dinner at Burger King. He also wore fake tanner on his hands. You cannot begrudge the man his success, the blame for that lies elsewhere, but you can begrudge the world that made him so successful through its embrace and encouragement of his terrible, terrible work. And in that sense, we are all responsible. And for that, we are all the worst.
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Alan Ball didn’t create the source material for “True Blood”, but if you’re Alan Ball enough to adapt a series of pseudo harlequin romance/horror/crap novels, then maybe you’re Alan Ball enough to make this list. But honestly, what’s up with the lack of Pratts & flesh-colored beards on this list?
The thing is that if Serena Van der Woodsen was real, in about ten years she would basically be Gwenyth Paltrow with her level of being insufferable, and then in another thirty years she would be Kathy Lee. Connections!
Somebody’s having a bad day.
Liar is a very strong word. Kathy Griffin’s D-List schtick is just that, a schtick. It’s like a warped character of herself that she uses to mine humor from. It’s her angle. That doesn’t make her a liar, it makes her a comedian.
also, Andy Samberg has a big nose. Pointing that out does not make you anti-semitic. I really think that’s very unfair to Mark Wahlberg. I think it would be fine if you questioned if there were anti-semitic undertones, but to say again and again that Mark Wahlberg definitely is anti-semitic is totally jumping the gun and is totally irresponsible.
Stop throwing these loaded words around and tagging people with them over shit that doesn’t really warrant it.
Why don’t you marry Kathy Griffin / Mark Walberg?
Because they’re JEWS.
hmmm. take it down a notch, scooter, this whole blog is only humor.
You’re boring!
Wheres the whole cast of Grey’s Anatomy?
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I’m part of the problem and solution simultaneously: I watched it and hated it. There’s a catchy term somewhere in that last sentence…
What? No Katy Perry?
This is going on my list of the worst lists of the year.
2nd’ed
What? No Katy Perry?
This is going on my list of the worst lists of the year.
You neglected to put Heidi and Spencer at the top of this list why?
Also, Sarah Palin.
I’m disappointed in this list.
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is = was?
Family Guy WAS funny, and actually had some hints of originality in it during it’s early FOX airtime. Now it’s just a 30 minute show with 3 minute…jokes? is that the right word? No, references. 3 minute UNFUNNY references about early 70′s advertising that has been long forgotten.
Here is how Seth MacFarlane sounds all of the time:
Oh man, remember Caroline in the City?? What a crappy show!! What about Power Rangers?? CRAZY STUFF HUH?? Oh, and that Electric Company, I Love Lucy, Happy Days, Good Times, Three’s Com….yeah. You get it.
Eddie Murphy.
Obviously Palin is #1. Also, the vendetta against Griffin is weird..especially when Carlos Mencia is still alive.
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dead on.
Um, hello? George W. Bush, YOU GUYS. I would rather watch my Verne Troyer sex tapes all day than relive these past 8 years!
you dont like seth macfarlane?
two sort-of words: JK livin’
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No one will disagree that M Night Shyamalan has churned out some pretty grotesque garbage lately, and Signs was a pretty average movie at best. But if you call it one of the worst from the last decade, you clearly haven’t seen a lot of movies lately.
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Andy Samberg has a big nose. The end. It doesn’t make Mark Wahlberg anti-semitic for calling it big. If he called it a “big Jew nose” then sure. But he didn’t. I can’t stand 2008′s Mark Wahlberg and agree with his placement on your list but have yet to find cause to call him a racist. Calm down.
Katy Perry is missing from this list. Therefore this list is incomplete.
The fact that you do not like Donnie Darko or M. Night. Makes me want to make love to you.
The necklace that M.Night wears is a religious hindu necklace. So, if you are going to make fun of a religious necklace that someone wears because of their heritage, isn’t that along the same line as Mark Wahlberg and his “anti-semitic” comments?
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What is so wrong with Family Guy???? It can be very hit and miss but it isn’t terrible. I think everyone would laugh at least once or twice at each episode.
It’s not the worst show..not even close. I don’t like it but you’re right, it’s made me chuckle a few times..most of which involved Meg getting shat on. Something about loser daughters is pure gold.
Spencer Pratt is by far the worst person since Stalin. Absolutely unforgivable to not include him.
You think Mark Wahlberg is a talented actor and you think Family Guy is execrable?
You clearly have your heads up your asses.
Gwyneth Paltrow?… have you never seen Royal Tenenbaums?
Lay off Marky Mark. He was in on that joke from the start and you guys jumped the gun on it.
He’s def not the worst.
Although Gymenth Paltrow is no matter how many great films she’s been in.
She is a pretentious wart and her husband is the worst x300
I think people should concentrate on living healthy and giving back to those less fortunate. I’m getting a divorce after seven years of physical , verbal and mental abuse. The sad think is I did’nt have to take it. He never gave me anything without something extra for him. I hope I find true love!!!!! To all like me , Keep God first!!!!!!
I think people should concentrate on living healthy and giving back to those less fortunate. I’m getting a divorce after seven years of physical , verbal and mental abuse. The sad think is I did’nt have to take it. He never gave me anything without something extra for him. I hope I find true love!!!!! To all like me , Keep God first!!!!!!
Where’s Kanye?
WOW is Kathy Griffin really drunk on that photo?