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People announced their annual Sexiest Man Alive issue today, and the winner is Bradley Cooper. Let’s just table that for a second. But we are definitely going to come back to that. Bradley Cooper’s response to being named the Sexiest Man Alive is very sexy:
“I think it’s really cool that a guy who doesn’t look like a model can have this [title],” says the Hangover actor, 36. “I think I’m a decent-looking guy. Sometimes I can look great, and other times I look horrifying.”
Sometimes he thinks he looks great and other times he thinks he looks horrifying! HE IS US! You are definitely using “really cool” correctly, Bradley Cooper! If only your quote was a little bit shorter so that it could be featured in this month’s Humblebrag Hall of Fame. (The one thing I will say in Bradley Cooper’s defense is that there is absolutely nothing to say in response to People magazine naming you the Sexiest Man Alive. It is a lose-lose type of win.) Here’s the thing, though, and obviously no homo on this whole post, OK? It’s not gay to just talk about how beautiful another man is, OK? We can all appreciate the grace and form of the human body, OK? But, uh, Bradley Cooper isn’t even THE SEXIEST MAN ON THAT MAGAZINE COVER. (Ryan Gosling inset 3 the win.) Do you agree with me or do you disagree with me? Vote with your votes. TO THE READER POLLS!
Loading ...VOTE OR DIE. You don’t want to die, do you? DO YOU?! YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO LIVE VOTE FOR!
VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE! GOOD POLL! GOOD VOTE! Bradley Cooper IS The Sexiest Crow Alive!
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Sexiest bird? Actually, no. Not even that.
take 2
Haha whelp, looks like I should just go to bed
Sweet Dee?
THAT IS TOO MUCH KERMIT
there is no such thing as too much kermit.
I think Rudolph Tomjanovich would disagree.
Funny, those were Jim Henson’s exact words before he was..
…
MURDERED.
I was going to make a comment about Gillian Jacobs being a bird, but then I found this and got… distracted.
LOUD SIGH.
Fuck you, Bradley Cooper, you look exactly like a model. Unless you were talking about some other year’s winner…
Some days he looks great, some days he looks horrifying: you might say the number of ways Bradley Cooper can look are Limitless.
What do you figure he means by “horrifying”? Like his face melts off? Like snails crawling out of his eyes? Like Night of the Living Dead under there?
I think it means that sometimes his hair is all sexy-messy from his pillow.
There we go.
Ok, first: very good joke.
Second, while we’re on the subject, I would like to nominate Limitless for WMOAT. I’ve only seen the last ten or fifteen minutes, but if those fifteen minutes are any indication it definitely qualifies.
I feel like Lil’ Jon could have put a much more upbeat spin on the vote mandate than P. Puffy Daddy Diddy did.
“Vote! Vote! Vote vote vote VOTE! Vote! Vote vote vote VOTE! Vote! Vote vote vote VOTE, EVERYBODAYY!”
really just like when it comes to rapping, pretty much any rapper could have done it better than Puffy
“Lex we in this bitch casting ballots mane” – Waka Flocka Flame and then replace his BOWs with VOTEs and we have our generation’s vote or die
As Gucci Mane does chemotherapy drugs recreationally in the background
vote until the sweat drips down my ballz!
“well put” M.Twain
I think I did it wrong, I didn’t want to die and the pressure was too much… we were all supposed to vote for Herman Cain, right? Right?
^^ Herman Cain’s current plan to get elected.
Judges?
tp://i42.tinypic.com/2pzibyw.jpg
GAH!
there’s going to be headlines tomorrow about herman cain’s popularity with monsters.
Herman Cain wins every poll somehow
Pancake Ryan Gosling. was robbed.
the “sexiest man alive” surveys apparently don’t include a “would smother him in butter and syrup before putting in your mouth?” question
It is however the most common write-in question.
I’ll be honest. Although he is not #1 on my dreamboat book, he is an attractive man, and I have a hard time believing that at his worst he is not still relatively attractive. So unless he means that he is like Robert Englund from V, and that his Bradley Cooper face is just a mask, I call BS.
And even then, his lizard face would probably be a handsome lizard face, too. Bah.
Do you mean Tony Hale? I think you mean Tony Hale
Only with glasses, though.
Bradley Cooper is the discount Matthew McConaughey.
And both are yucky.
I thought Woody Harrelson was the discount Matthew McConaughey? Or did I get that backward?
Woody Harrelson is nobody’s discount anything.
Upvote! Upvote! Someone get my back on this, please.
They probably gave him this award after seeing what he would have looked like in The Crow
I think we all know what he had to do to get Michael Ian Black’s vote…
just beat me to it. He IS a sexy piece of ass. Like this montage better facetaco – no offense there’s just more skin!
Also there are no popped collars in this
Should have said “You can say that again!” here, instead. #missedopportunity
Also there are no popped collars in this
Worth repeating, IMHO.
Since all I have is a tiny red X, I’m assuming it was the first one I clicked on, but was blocked at work so I couldn’t get the link.
Any sexiest man poll where Paul Rudd doesn’t win is pretty much bullshit.
Now I feel guilty for being happy about this. Paul Rudd is sexier, but I would never toss Bradley out of bed.
Not a real poll. No Gabe Delehaye option.
Yeah he’s a total fox. Woof woof!
I read this as “Any sexiest man poll where Ru Paul doesn’t win is pretty much bullshit.”
Woops, you caught my typo.
Replace “sexiest” with “smarmiest” and we’ll talk.
Bradley Cooper looks like 1996.
Write-in vote: Gabe as Kelly OR Kelly as Gabe
Not today, god of death.
Oh please. I have published an annual list of the hottest dudes for the last seven years and this goon hasn’t even made the shortlist.
Share your list! Here is mine:
2010: Hugh Jackman
2009: Hugh Jackman
2008: Hugh Jackman
2007: Liam Nielson
2006: Hugh Jackman
2005: Liam Nielson
2004: Hugh Jackman
A party with that list sounds like a pants peeing good time!
Mine:
2011 – Charlie Day tied with Drake tied with Gabe Delahaye, of course
2010 – Paul Rudd
2009 – Bradley Cooper
2008 – Thomas Jane
2007 – Peter Sarsgaard
Hugh Jackman is not on my list because he’s just too closeted gay for a gay man to deal with. I know there are those of you who don’t think he’s gay, but take it from a gay man. He’s definitely gay. Gay gay gay. Gay. C
Is this a sign that Mr. Cooper will soon join the league of extraordinary pants-peeing gentlemen?
I love that in the inset photo of “J. Lo’s New Man” it is impossible to tell which one is J. Lo and which one is The Man.
Him?
That Bradley Cooper must share his “Sexiest Man Alive” cover with the Penn State Sex Scandal seems like enough justice for me.
I was finding a lot of joy in the Teen Beat-style subheds:
Wow! RYAN, BRAD, KELLAN, JUSTIN (GUESS WHICH ONE?), GEORGE, ZAC & MORE!
125 SUPER HOT GUYS WE LOVE!
ALL THE COREYS! ALL OF THEM!
did anyone say gabe yet
Don’t blame me, guys. I voted for Stephen Colbert as Che Guevara:
LOL! what the fvck? Do they pick these muthafuckaz out randomly and shit?
People sexiest man alive = Hollywood PR person of the year award.
Change.org|Start an Online Petition »
Prior to this, I actually sort of liked Bradley Cooper. What is it about People slapping their gross Sexiest Man stamp on an otherwise inoffensive guy that makes one instantly want to punch him in the face?