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Hugh Jackman is going to host the 81st Annual Academy Awards? What? Doesn’t the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences realize that this man PEES HIS PANTS ALL THE TIME? This is actually just weird. Why him? Was Dax Shepard not available? At least he can appear in public without instantaneously wetting himself. Seriously, though, still, what? I know that Hugh Jackman has been on Broadway (that’s where he’s most commonly found PEEING HIS PANTS), but that hardly qualifies one to be the emcee of a three hour long already-pretty-boring event. Then again, it does seem like the ability to put on a cringe-inducing song and dance medly a la Billy CRAPstyal (Best Original Zingplay) is one of the Academy’s main requirements, so, success!
There are probably more than 100 people who would be more obvious, and more successful performers to host the Oscars. Here are five of them:
Gary Busey
Why: Um, because it would be the most incredible three hours of your life. You might not know who won any of the awards by the end of it, and your brain might hurt, but you would definitely be aware of the ways in which cats create transferential energy off of the physical plane so that cars can soup love clouds. What? Garey Busey is insane.
Mr. Chi-City
Why: OK, he’s not a celebrity, and he doesn’t really have anything to do with the film industry, and he uses the word ni**a. A lot. But something tells me that anyone who can keep me watching an online video of a bug on a wall for 5 minutes, which is approximately a billion minutes in internet time even when something’s actually happening, can keep the Oscars moving. Real talk.
Tobey Maguire
Why: Just kidding.
Tia Carrere
Why: When you announce that Hugh Jackman is going to host the Oscars, it’s a weird choice, but ultimately people will decide that it’s just stupid and you made a mistake. When you announce that Tia Carrere is going to host the Oscars, it’s a weird choice that will be puzzled over for years. “Remember when Tia Carrere hosted the Oscars?” will be the new “What bar did you go to on 9/11?”
Stephen Colbert
Why: OK, joking aside, Stephen Colbert would be a great Oscar host. If he approached the show the way he approached the White House Correspondents’ Dinner in 2006…incredible. Is this kind of an obvious choice? Sure, but sometimes the obvious choice is obvious because it’s right. Occam knows what I’m talking about!
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My friend just shared the news with me and my first response was “Do you know he peed his pants?”
Just another way Videogum has touched my life.
Gabe should host the oscars this year. That crowd could use a few zings.
what a waste of a list.
Occam’s Razor reference, drink!
…wait I thought we were still watching House.
Gary Busey! yes please.
What the fuck, academy of hollywood. Only if Hugh can pee his pants. That’s only that it’s okay. Other than that, although he’s a good looking guy, he seems terribly boring.
I think Colbert would be a great choice as well. To be honest, though, I can’t think of many other good options off the top of my head (aside from Conan O’Brien and people who’ve already hosted before). Apparently, this year’s low ratings were largely attributed to the fact that Jon Stewart isn’t well known outside of the U.S. That surprised me for a few reasons. One is because I thought the Daily Show did well internationally. I know the show’s popular in the UK and Canada, but does Stewart have a fan base in countries that don’t speak English? I’m asking this question sincerely, because I honestly don’t know. I guess I always assumed that if Conan was big in Finland, anything’s possible! Another reason is because I doubt many people watch the show for the host.
Colbert is even less famous than Stewart, so I doubt he’d be considered. When I think of Hugh Jackman, I don’t think internationally famous mega movie star. But the X-Men and Wolverine movies did do pretty well. Jackman got great reviews as host of the Tonys, but the Oscars are an entirely different animal.
No comments about the bug video? It was almost as good as “You Can Drink This Shit, But It Ain’t Butter”. Priceless. The most intriguing thing though–why a crutch? I can think of countless other, far more accessible and reasonable objects to kill a bug with (magazines, shoes).
For realsies. Mr Chi-City FTW.
Man, if Mr.Chi-City hosted the oscars i would just flip. out.
Like, i want to actually BE him. The whole world seems so unreal through his eyes (ie: his youtube videos)
Wow. That was a great video. As my mom would say, Chi City has the gift of gab.
Real talk, guys. Real talk.
Mr. Chi-City is my hero.
I thought Ricky Gervais was set to host!
If Gary Busey or Mr. Chi-City hosted, i would actually watch the Oscars.
Ricky Gervais or Conan
Not one of my friends knew that Mr. Jackman peed his pants until I told them and I was like, “wha? How do you not know this?” Sometimes I forget that not everyone has a little videogum in their lives.
Also, fellow fans of Mr. Chi-City, UNITE!!!!! Let’s start an online petition :-\
Team Chi-City 2010- To the Oscars and Beyond!!!