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There was a momentary pause in Kardashian Mania last night when it was quietly announced that Zooey Deschanel and Ben Gibbard were also splitting up. No one wants to talk about it because their marriage lasted 73 weeks, so it’s like, who cares? Might as well be Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward at this point. I think the only married couple that is even still together is Prince William and Kate Middleton. Oh, and of course Doug Hutchinson and Courtney Stodden, America’s Sweethearts. (Did you see how he dressed up as her for Halloween? Those two! Making it work!) My favorite part about the Kim Kardashian divorce so far (good start to what will be a great sentence, I’m sure) was how Kathie Lee Gifford wouldn’t shut up on the Today Show about how she was invited to the Wedding of the Century, or whatever, just so braggy and name-droppy and awful, and then on yesterday’s show she gossiped about how Khloe came up to her at the reception and told her it wouldn’t last. Like, even in the dissolution of the relationship, she still has to one up everyone and somehow try to show off that she knew their marriage was in trouble first? Cool person. You heard it here first: Kathie Lee Gifford is a really cool person and seems wonderful. American Treasure. And my second favorite thing about the Kim Kardashian divorce is the letter she has written for her fans in which she says that she “hopes you respect my courage.” Holy moly. Can you say that?! I did not know you were allowed to say that. That is quite a thing to say.
Obviously, getting divorced is very personal (Hahahha, “Obviously, getting divorced is very personal,” Gabe for Observation Of The Year!), and there’s a part of you that wants to say that none of this is any of our business and that people shouldn’t spend so much time chewing over the misfortune of other people. But then you also remember how much time people spend thinking and talking about celebrity marriages. Is that really that much better? (And here I actually think the Kardashian/Deschanel split makes this whole conversation more interesting, because even if the Kardashian Dream Wedding was such utterly intrusive and obnoxious bullshit that none of “us” cared about, I would place money that a pretty decent proportion of the Videogum readership knew about Deschanel’s marriage to Ben Gibbard because they clicked a link at some point. Not the same thing, to be sure, but parallels abound.) The point that I’m trying to make is that if marriage and divorce are two sides of a coin, then one is not more valid for discussion than the other, even if the marriage side is more hopeful and joyous (in theory, again not talking about this Kardashian business per se because COME ON). I’ve started reading David Rakoff’s most recent book of essays, Half Empty, which is about depression and unhappiness, and in the very first essay he talks about an idea that I’ve run across before that I find pretty compelling, which is basically about how we place so much value on the emotional state of happiness while we devalue unhappiness, when the reality is that they are just two emotional states we will all find ourselves experiencing in our lives and, even more importantly, that both can be motivators and both can be destructive. Although one is more “unpleasant,” they are actually equal, and it’s unrealistic and perhaps short-sighted to think that one is good and the other is bad. Does this mean we need to gossip about people’s divorces? I don’t know. But we’re going to no matter what, so maybe we should stop beating ourselves up. And it’s certainly no worse than gossiping about someone’s marriage, which by our own estimation is no less of a private matter that is none of our business. So have at it, fellas.
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And here I actually think the Kardashian/Deschanel split makes this whole conversation more interesting
New goal: for NaNoMo I have to write a fanfic about their epic yet doomed love. Just send me all the Pulitzers right now.
Workin’ on it.
That came out way to small considering the stupid amount of work I put into getting it uploaded.
Facetaco, you are now, and will forever by, my bro.
(I think I just ruined the Wrath of Khan. Sorry!)
Man, who’s next? Edward and Bella?
At least we still have Woody & Soon Yi.
Not if any of those skin tags are malignant.
Even worse – Kim and Thurston.
I know! Fifteen-year-old me is absolutely destroyed.
Mrs. Howell’s first name was Kim?
Ft, my mind went to the same place.
MLIGI
Looks like Kurt and Goldie had the right idea all along.
Look! I found some stats!
Kim Kardashian’s engagement: 85 days
Kim Kardashian’s marriage: 72 days
Earnings from Kim Kardashian’s Marriage: $18M
Kim Kardashian’s marriage: 72 days
That breaks down to: $250,000 per day
And I can’t even land a co-op job for $11 an hour… #99percentproblems
Never hurts to remind people that since the beginning of 2008, the National Cancer Institute has spent close to $1.2 Billion on breast cancer research. So, quick math: that one single day dedicated to celebrating Kim Kardashian’s shitty, doomed wedding? It cost 1% of FOUR YEARS’ worth of breast cancer research.
Good Lord. We really ARE the Ninety-Nine Percent, aren’t we?
And by “never hurts,” I definitely mean “hurts always”
How much have they spent on other cancers? Less treatable, less gender-specific cancers? Maybe if they had a catchy color, they’d get some research, too.
Well if we’re talking about lung or stomach cancer, it’s significantly less. Or it’s less discussed because most people who get it don’t survive. If you have more survivors — famous or civilians — to put a face on a disease, it will gain more public interest and become the recipient of more fun runs, ribbons, charity whatnots, etc.
I’d drop some statistics but I left my info on cancer in the car. And it’s really cold and I don’t want to go out to the car.
see for yourself.
http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/NCI/research-funding#a3
Since i’m both a doctor and a financial specialist (Dr. Money over here) I’m going to guess that funding isn’t based on ONLY gender and catchy colors, but it would be remiss if I did not consider them as very strong contributing factors. Possibly the strongest, behind death rate. It goes 1) # of people dying, 2) penis or vagina? and 3) Oooh, colors!
Someone call the Prostate Cancer People (that is a thing) and tell them to heavily consider using flashing neon green ribbons.
Ok, so, I live in the world in 2011. Obviously, I’m aware of things like the fact that Kim Kardashian got married/divorced/exists because I’m not a luddite. You can’t help but know these things. But I’ve never understood how there can be people out there who actually care so much about them that my knowing about them becomes inevitable. What motivates people to buy Us Weekly? It’s a steaming pile of garbage with pictures of people you don’t know doing nothing but standing around. And people intently study these magazines on the subway, on airplanes, at the gym, etc. How is it interesting? Talk about no stakes.
Guy Debord called this the “society of the spectacle,” which meant that all our relationships have become turned into commodities, and that there is a tendency for the representation of something to become more real than the thing itself. A lot of people are in boring, awful marriages or relationships so they fantasize about something better, i.e. why they watch and care about Kim Kardashian or Prince William’s wedding. Plus it’s in every form of popular media; you can buy a magazine and see how much you want your wedding to look like/to have looked like that. With divorces, well, perhaps we like to see people worse off than we are, especially celebrities, or if we’re getting divorced, to see people in a “similar” situation. Regardless it is pretty sad when people obsess over celebrity weddings/divorces.
This is by far the most intelligent statement to ever come from someone calling theirself “Bubbles.”
What about “There’s a thin line between heaven and hell”, Facetaco? Don’t knock our favorite Bubs.
A dope trailer is no place for a kitty.
http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSe9aJHECFjUOEZ7Rohc8fMBHfW2pugkDhoqQvOeogNe9rSotAX2NWCO6Zd
Fair enough, and to a certain extent I can understand being interested in the fact that someone you know of is getting married. I don’t understand wanting to know the details of their reception, but that’s neither here nor there.
The part of celebrity culture I find most baffling is the extensive coverage of non-events in their lives. – “Look! These two women wore the same dress on separate occasions!” “Look! That guy dropped his kid off at school!” – And that’s the whole story. I can’t see how any sane person responds to that with anything other than “so what?”
I guess you could make an argument that people like to remove themselves from the everyday sludge of life and hang on to an alternate reality of glamor, gossip, and hijinks…like maybe reading US weekly helps people aspire to a life of fame and fortune. I don’t know if I agree with that, but I imagine that’s what SOMEONE would say.
What’s even more confusing (read: cool) is why people care about Kim Kardashian. Like, I can KIND OF understand people caring about Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson because they are the best actors out right now, but Kim Kardashian just had sex with Brandy’s brother. I feel like we are coming up on a generation of celebrities who bootstrapped their way to fame out of nothing. Because the internet? Maybe this point is belabored, but it still fascinates me.
It’s the perfect reductio ad absurdum for capitalist celebrity culture: being famous for being famous. No real work, just a perfect commodity to sell to the public.
Well, isn’t it just our era’s version of “society people”? There have probably always been people that figured out a way to be famous without “doing” anything, or that have been famous solely because of their family name or fortune. The difference is that now there is an industry (or several industries) devoted to capitalizing on their specious glory, instead of, say, a social gossip column on some back page of the Daily Shopper.
But this isn’t new? Tabloids go back to the 20′s or so? and they just reported about celebrities, scandals and murders… I mean, did you HEAR about Zelda Fitzgerald? OMG. What a drunk skank! lolamirite?
Yea but, to be fair people like Zelda at least wrote some mediocre fiction. What I think is new in the era of instant media is that there are more than just a handful of these people – there’s a whole stratum of them out in Hollywood that are famous for being famous, or get famous on a “reality” show and then have a weird career in Z-grade cable programs afterwards.
I just like to know who has the best bikini body.
Finding out who wore it best gets me through the week
I imagine that Zooey and Ben’s arguments are probably the nicest, cutest arguments that any two people could have. Its like an argument between a puppy and baby.
their arguments are probably sweeter than if Mrs. KO and I are actually being nice to each other.
Maybe, though I heard he was just sick of her refusing to ever say the word “penis”. At first it seemed cute that she was so shy, but then he realized it was just grating and insincere.
What WAS that? And I’m totally convinced she’s wearing glasses frames without lenses in them. If that’s not grounds for divorce, I don’t know what is.
I’d really like to think that their at home personas were knock down drag out and that Zooey like, beat Ben up all the time. I’d like to hear their neighbors tell tales of they always knew when Ben was home from tour because they could hear their catfights down the street. Only because I’d want to take Ben home and nurse him back to health. Obvs.
This is my favorite part of the letter:
“I married for love. I can’t believe I even have to defend this. I would not have spent so much time on something just for a TV show! ”
Someone give this lady a Mark Twain award, because that statement is HILARIOUS.
Which totally explains why her mother (of the year, of course) said this morning that there was so much going on with the show/wedding/press/tour/Sear’s appearances that she didn’t notice anything was wrong with their marriage.
Reggie Bush is all
who’s that guy? this is the real Reggie Bush
Worth noting that Reggie Bush no longer plays for the Saints.. #sportsgum
you would think its not that hard to find a picture of him being hurt on the Dolphins…but it is. still, this one will do
Well he IS on the wrong side of a 70/30 split.
I’d say watch out for Lex Hilliard to vulture a TD or two…but then i remembered its the Miami Dolphins…there are no TD’s to vulture
in all fairness that play was a penalty, defender got called for a facemask
At this rate, Celebrity Wife Swap won’t have enough material for a second season!
That’s a thing!?
Did Ben Gibbard finally watch “New Girl”?
No, he just finally found one.
*snap in a z formation*
BTW Gabe, David Rakoff’s new book is a masterpiece and should be required reading.
You guys know what is even better than that letter? THE COMMENTS! I couldn’t choose just one, so here are the first three that showed up when I looked at it:
♥Kim, That’s real you & that’s your decision be strong in any decision you made. But that decision change things in your life and you need to face the challenges you made,you know that…Kimmy, your personality is like my personality and I really understand your decision.”Being your self makes you happy then go!,be happy”"Just keep in touch we god he always guide you with Love”pRECILLA ♥
By: precilla
Hey Kim, This is not to judge you. I am here to say this. You said you married for love. God is love, and love NEVER fails. if it was really love from the father for one another He would hold everything together. Your creator is perfect and you two made a covenant to Him and to one another. If you could give your fame all up. store, money, everything and just have Kris. I think you would see whats important in your heart. I hope you will see that in the end God is love and who cares if you have to live in minnesota and live in a small house. It’s your lives joining together as one just remember. Would it be worth it to give up everything ou had for Kris. The show and everything?
By: ladybug72784
OH YEAH… DID REGGIE TELL YOU THAT HIM SELF… THAT THAT’S WHY HE BROKE UP W HER!!! WERE U IN THE ROOM WITH THE BOTH OF THEM… LMAO!!! LIKE I SAID, U WOULD DO THE SAME FOR MILLIONS OF DOLLARS!!! THOUSANDS OF PPL IN THE WORLD GET MARRIED FOR SO MANY REASONS AND LOVE SURE AS HELL IS NOT ONE OF THEM!!! ANYWAY, WHY AM I REPLYING TO U AGAIN???? BTW, U SHUT UP!!!!
By: tortiz222
All the upvotes to tortiz222.
tortiz222 is Da Cake Eatur. fact.
never forget.
“I live in Minnesota and live in a small house.” – ladybug72784
All twenty-something men in America now have hard-ons, knowing that Zooey is soon to be single again. Barf.
Don’t be a homophobe! There are plenty of twenty-something men out there with hard-ons for Ben Gibbard, too!
Or just hard-ons totally unrelated to either Zooey or Ben, it’s not fair to discriminate.
AND I bet there are lots of people who have hard-ons for Kim now that she’s single. (Somehow, I bet they don’t fall into the Zooey hard-on category; they seem like they appeal to pretty distinct demographics.)
i presume you’re referring to kim gordon. so, yes.
I don’t know, they both qualify as “attractive women,” which is really the only criteria. Actually, for that matter, I don’t think it really matters that they’re single. The conscience may discriminate based on relationship status, but the boner does not.
Kate Lechler, you have much to learn about boners!
And consider yourself facetaco’d!
Ooooh, now I have a boner!
FINALLY, I can cross “inspire a boner” off of my bucket list!
Let’s just call it an altogether equal opportunity time of increased masturbation among men and women alike.
Everyone seems to be missing the obvious point: KIM KARDASHIAN IS BACK ON THE MARKET, BOYS!
Is it screwy that I feel ennui that Zooey’s marriage went kablooey?
That is such a Zooey-esque sentence – all those totes adorbs words ending in “wee”…
I’d rather she broke up with M. Ward.
[IMG]http://i1207.photobucket.com/albums/bb474/Yvonne_Marie9/kourage.jpg[/IMG]
I finally get the courage to post here and I fail. So embarrassing.
You mean the KOURAGE?
Leave out the [IMG] tags, just post the url, and make sure it ends in .jpg, .gif, or .otherpicturefileextension
I think I just played the ‘repeat everything someone says until they stab you in the face’ game with facetaco. Sorry!
This is THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME! Also, it makes me hunger. Hunger for more games!
You don’t need the image tags, just the link ending with .jpg or .gif or whathaveyou
Also, welcome!
My sister just got married a week ago. She was telling me about her obnoxious manager at her work who LOVES the Kardashians. She attempted to compliment my sister’s attractriveness on a Kardashian scale of sorts (not actual members of the family, but that my sister is as pretty or *GASP* even prettier than Kim, etc). She asked my sister what her wedding theme(?) was, and my sister replied that the decorations will be black and white, to which the manager squealed, “Ooh! Just like Kim and Kris!”
FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
‘Wedding theme’ is one of the silliest things I’ve heard. Surely the theme of your wedding is just ‘wedding’?
I hope your sister’s wedding was nothing like the Kardashian Katastrophe.
Zooey’s pretty.
A representative for Kris Humphries said that when Kris read in the Daily Rash that his wife Kim was suing tennis star Serena Williams because Williams had a “look alike Kim Kardashian butt” that it was too much for Humphries to deal with! http://www.thedailyrash.com/kim-kardashian-sues-serena-williams-for-look-a-like-ass