Translation: Hi, thanks for coming to the audition. If you could both just take your marks, let’s get going. Great. OK, Cheryl, I need you to look confused and terrified. Perfect. Now, when you pull out your finger gun, I need you to pretend like you’ve recently suffered from a stroke and can no longer keep your arm from involuntary movement. Very nice. Use your other hand to brace your arm, but that still won’t be enough. Swing that arm! Great, perfect. Now, pretend to shoot the gun, but instead of regular gun sound effects, I want you to use some of the things you learned in your women’s self-defense class. I’m trying to rape you! Don’t let me rape you! Now you have a machine gun. No, a machine gun. Shake me! I’m trying to rape you! Forget the machine gun, go back to the regular gun. OK, Michael, you’re doing great. I need you to get confused and start making the same sounds Cheryl’s making even though you know that’s not what a gun sounds like. OK, great, and BOOM, Michael you’ve just been shot dead. Cheryl, I’m still trying to rape you. Scare me away! Get the attention of a bystander so that they go call the police! Kick me in the balls. Pull my hair. Scratch my eyes out. Perfect. You’re safe now. X Box 360.

That was great, Cheryl. We’ll be in touch. Michael, I think we’re going in a different direction, but thank you for coming in. Via Rob Huebel.