Photos
Gretchen: Aww, a box! Thank you, I love it.
Boyfriend: Oh no no, not so fast Gretch. It’s not just a box. Go ahead, try and open it.
Gretchen: I can’t…how do you…It won’t open. Can you open it? Is it locked, do you have the key?
Boyfriend: It’s a puzzle, actually. You have to find the key hidden somewhere within the box. I designed and made it myself!
Gretchen: What?
Boyfriend: I know how much you love puzzles, so I designed this puzzle box for you. There are a number of steps you have to figure out before finding the key that opens the box! Hidden doors, sliding panels, secret compartmen–
Gretchen: Ohh, that’s nice. Can’t you just tell me where the key is, though?
Boyfriend: Well that would defeat the whole purpose, Gretch. I spent a lot of time designing this for you. You’ll have a lot of fun with it, I promise! Just give it a go!
Gretchen: Ok, fine.
[Gretchen looks at the box for a few minutes, prying at different wood panels that aren't the ones that come loose.]
Gretchen: This is the most annoying thing I’ve ever had to do in my entire life.
Boyfriend: Aw, come on, Gretchen. I really worked hard on this for you. You love puzzles!
Gretchen: This is a fucking impossible puzzle.
Boyfriend: No it’s not! It all works together — each new piece unfolds the next step. It’s challenging, sure, but not impossible. Especially not for you, my little puzzle queen!
Gretchen: Please just be quiet while I try to figure out how to open this stupid thing.
[The couple sits in silence under the Christmas tree for an incredibly tense 12 minutes.]
Boyfriend: Hey, maybe I can help you with the first step?
Gretchen: LEAVE ME ALONE.
Boyfriend: Ok. Let me kno–
Gretchen: CAN YOU JUST SHUT UP FOR TWO SECONDS.
Scene
(Via BOYT.)
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At 2:30, I was expecting him to find the divorce papers
Spoiler Alert:
you beat me to the joke I intended to make
Your pain will be legendary in hell
We’re travelers. Explorers. Demons to some. Angels to others…? (Pinky to lips Dr. Evil style)
It seems like he did 99% of a proposal and then realized he couldn’t afford a ring and then just decided to give her the box
Well played, Parker Brothers, well played.
But it doesn’t stop there, no. If you take the velvet inlay and pull it off, there’s actually a hidden message on the back. If you rearrange the letters in the puzzle – after decrypting of course – the real surprise is revealed… It’s my virginity! Oh man, it’s still intact. Great box.
“What a coincidence! I got you this!”
I sold my axe to buy you this box
I sold my box to buy you this axe
Puzzle Box of the Magi
I wish I could give you more upvotes!
EXCLUSIVE GRETCHEN REACTION SHOT
And now you have “inflatable sex doll” in your search history.
Whaddya mean, “now”?
Jokes on you; I got away with “surprised inflatable”. Now if I can just figure out how to scrub off “Rick Perry corndog penis”….
“This is my revenge, Gretchen, for all of your complicated bras.” — That Guy
Months later…
The original ending of Seven had Morgan Freeman fiddling with a puzzle box just like this one, unable to open it, which is why Brad Pitt keeps screaming “What’s in the box?!” impatiently. True story.
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That is without a doubt the sweetest motive for murder I have ever seen.
I used to keep condoms in a similar box. Very dumb.
If she can put up with the puzle box, I’ll bet he can whip up some nice furniture for her.
*puzzle
Gretchen: Have you seen the remote?
Boyfriend:Funny you should ask! (unveils puzzle coffee table)
Like, perhaps a futon that takes three hours to convert from a couch to a bed. On the plus side, it would have a secret compartment to hide the guy that Gretchen is cheating with in the event PB gets home early.
It’s a metaphor for our future together. There are numerous hidden complexities and challenges that have to be overcome in order to make any relationship work but the prize is worth it. Also, it will be boring as hell.
Goddamnit, I was gonna get Gretchen a Lament Configuration this year!
If you click through the “You Might Also Like” link about the movie based on Myst you can see Gabe saying, “My Life is Bunicula!” and also some comments from Mans to help you remember that you miss Mans.
“If you’re clever, you pull the box all the way out of the drawer…”
I have a funny feeling he’s going to regret his choice of words there at some point.
This is one of the sweetest and most infuriating things I’ve ever seen besides every engagement photo shoot ever.
I didn’t watch the video because I wasn’t sure if it was NSFW… Is “puzzle box” a euphemism for vagina?
seriously, if you want in her box, try a COMPLIMENT.
they just sound like the best to be around
OH MY GOSH I have this exact same box. My grandpa gave it to me for my 10th birthday, and it was the bane of my existence for about half of the 2nd grade.