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Oh, Anderson Cooper. What is even UP?! Daytime talk shows are incredible, and Anderson is making sure that it is no exception. Sending your cell phone to some lab to see if it has poop on it? Cool AND informative. (I do love that they show a b-roll shot of Anderson Cooper’s office door but they blur out the…office number? You can never be too safe. I mean, imagine if we knew the number of Anderson’s office? Then we would just have to find the building and he would practically live in the dirt pit in our basement. Admittedly, even without the number, we could probably just look for the door marked ANDERSON COOPER, but you know, safety first.) This segment does sort of reference this scientific study I heard about a year or two ago that has made me laugh ever since in which scientists gave a group of test subjects food laced with radioactive dye and then later did a scan of them to see if there was any fecal matter present and it was just everywhere. Like, glowing smears all over their faces and in their hair and their clothes just soaked in it. Hahahahhahahahhaha. SCIENCE! You guys are disgusting, go take a bath. But before you do, let’s caption this video. Namely what I want to know is WHAT DOES THE FECAL STREP ON ANDERSON COOPER’S PHONE HAVE TO SAY?!
Winner will receive special mention in this week’s Monsters’ Ball. Good luck, poop monsters. (Video via Dlisted.)
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Anderson Pooper
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(it’s mud) (also, sorry)
I guess he’s taken to drinking coffee.
he keeps it set on vibrate.
At least ONE of us is out now.
Santorum? I barely know him!
blackberry? more like dingleberry!
Apparently, all Anderson Cooper does is shit-talk.
some weeks its germ-free, other weeks there’s fecal strep on his phone. it just depends what’s going on on the internet.
Real journalists use the colon correctly
“Look, I maybe poop on my cell phone once in a while…” – Edward R. Murrow
What I wouldn’t give to be Anderson Cooper’s phone.
Gerard Depardieu gets his revenge!
So, what you’re telling me is that my phone is covered in Depar-two! (giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle, etc.)
Aw, damnit, lawblog! Beat me to the poo-nch.
At least I’m not on Rosie O’Donnell’s cell phone…
meanwhile, in the green room….
… for me to Coop on.
Viral marketing for iWipe is just shitty.
i don’t see the point!
I’ve heard about crappy reception … but this is ridiculous!
You would not believe the shit that comes out of this guy’s mouth.
You guys, real talk. Poop is a touchy subject for me right now. A couple weeks ago, I stepped in dog poop twice in one day. Both samples firmly expelled in the middle of the sidewalk in a major city. The next day, Ms. One, That Dog and I went for a hike. That Dog got out of our sight for a couple minutes until I spotted him rolling around in some tall grass. Ten minutes later I realized he was covered in what looked like dirt and later realized was, in fact, horse poop. I had no choice but to stick him in the car and give him three consecutive baths in our own bathtub once we got home.
A week later, That Dog got a hold of Ms. One’s wallet while we were out and completely devoured any and all cash. No trace of said cash was found. The following day, I watched as That Dog expelled what looked like a small fortune from his doggy butt. Not ten minutes later, a crow dropped a healthy amount of fecal matter onto my shoulder.
The other day, That Dog got away from us for a few minutes and upon returning, smelled like a chemistry lab took a shit in a nursing home. I still don’t know what this mystery poop mixture is, but I do know that following three consecutive shampoos, he still smells like it.
The universe is literally taking a shit on me, and it doesn’t surprise me that Anderson Cooper’s cell phone is covered in shit. Everything is covered in shit.
Quick addendum: Midway through That Dog’s horse poop bath the hot water ran out because I am the 99%. That Dog hates water in general so naturally he hates cold baths. Who doesn’t? For the first time in his life, he sprang from the tub without a command and shook the moisture free and into our bathroom which can barely contain two human adults. A mixture of horse poop, water, and dog shampoo was sprayed across the walls, sink, and shower curtains.
Poop Rules Everything Around Me.
this was all so good.
My chocolate lab once ate a box of Crayola Glitter crayons and spent two days decorating the front yard with multi-color magical sparkly fairy poop.
let’s not blame that on the lab.
Listen, sometimes when you are in a comfortable relationship with a phone you want to try something new…but really what happens between a consenting adult and his mobile device is none of anyone’s business.
The only reason they showed Anderson Cooper’s name plate was to remind us that he works for CNN…a “respectable” news network.
This segment is literally pure sh*t.
Why does he pick it right up?
Ugh, Anderson! Cooper! I can’t call you by just one name! Oprah ALREADY did this very same thing! (The segment, not the pooping on the phone.)
And I’ll remember it forever because it introduced me to the phrase “fecal matter” at a tender age and also made me afraid to ever sit on any public seat ever. You guys, good advice: Never ever wear shorts – even your finest pair of Sunday jorts – to the movies. Ever, you guys.
I still think about this too! I always kind of imagine a full turd on each movie theater seat now.
When a coworker stole my food from the fridge I’d joke that it was ok because I had strep. I woner if Anderson Cooper might be trying a little too hard to keep people from using his phone.
Someone should clear this up for any future TV specials ready to break out a UV light and petri dishes. Your phone has poop on it. Every phone you check is going to have poop on it. Every door knob and every keyboard? Poop. Poop, just everywhere all the time.
Wash your hands because it is a poopity-poop poopy world out there just covered in excrement.
Introducing the iPhone #2
We all know everyone’s phones are covered in poop.What ISN’T covered in poop is what we need to be told.
When are they going to hurry up and give Anderson Cooper the Poo-litzer?
Something something booty call.
“Well, I maybe poop on my phone every once in a while” – Anderson Cooper
“Rabid round of applause” – Studio Audience
This is why my motto is ABC (Always Be Covered in feces).