Photos
Let’s get ready to MOOOOVIIIIIIIIES! Did you guys know that Apple is finally releasing a movie trailers app for the iPhone and iPad? This is good. They should have done this a long time ago. I love watching movie trailers, and it is about time there was a way to do so when I am on the go, just like we all are what with modern life in the big city and all. But when you’re NOT trying to hail a taxi or spilling a latte on your DKNY pantsuit right before the big presentation to Gabriel Byrne (the two places you would use the Apple app, probably) you can still watch all of this week’s movie trailers in our Friday round up, right here. The future is now. Well, after the jump:
The Avengers
It’s here! It’s here! The Avengers trailer is here! As soon as this trailer came out this week I saw some blog post that was like “10 Ways The Avengers Trailer Could Be Better.” Fuck. Is that where we’re at? Seriously? That is very intense! It is a movie trailer! Let’s all relax, plz. Anyway, I think this looks good. Why not? Love these guys. All our old pals. Also, the part where Tony Stark does his quippy comeback to Captain America, that is a good part. And also the part where Captain America grows up and stops being such a boring sourpuss (not featured) is very exciting.
This Means War
This is one of those movie trailers where you’re watching it and something just isn’t sitting right. Like, not only does the movie look kind of terrible and also painfully transparent (how many Disney dollars says it turns out she is a spy at the end double-timing BOTH of them or some nonsense?) but just in general, like a feeling that there is more to the reason that you’re not into it, and then you see “Directed by McG,” and you just GET IT.
American Reunion Teaser
This bums me out intensely. Next trailer, please.
Albert Nobbs
Haha. It’s like Downton Abbey except it turns out that Mr. Bates isn’t actually crippled, he just has a vagina. On the one hand this movie looks kind of good, and on the other hand this movie looks VERY ridiculous. I’m all for interesting stories told with seriousness and gravitas, but at a certain point it starts to feel heavy-handed and silly, and also you can tell “he” is a “she” from the very beginning but I guess this is a period piece before human beings evolved eyeballs.
Answers to Nothing
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE! Dane Cook IS Crash 2. Needless to say, this looks pretty terrible. I know being white is hard, but it’s not THAT hard. Also Matt Saracen is in this? A rare miss, movie trailer.
Sleeping Beauty
Art.
Shame
Also art. This looks very sexy!!! Hahhahahhaha. Oh man, I hope there is a screening of this movie somewhere with the director that features a Q&A afterwards so that I can raise my hand and say “This movie is so sexy,” and he can be like “I’m not sure that’s a question, but also this is a serious and dramatic look at the ravages of sex addiction, which is very serious and very self-destructive,” and I will be like “OOH LA LA TELL ME MORE!”
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I think you got the captions for the “American Reunion” and “Sleeping Beauty” trailers mixed up!
I just have to say that I get so confused when I hear people talking about the new Steve McQueen movie Shame because Steve McQueen died in 1980! IF HE CAME BACK FROM THE DEAD THAT SHOULD HAVE MADE THE NEWS BEFORE THIS POINT. Then I remember that they are actually different people. It is relieving, if slightly disappointing.
I once noticed that Morgan Freeman was the producer of some show on MTV – Teen Mom or something?
After checking on IMDB in disbelief, I realized Morgan J. Freeman is the producer.
I used to think Paul Thomas Anderson directed Mortal Kombat.
I have thought that too. IMDB to the rescue always.
Almost the most hilarious thing that has happened to me today is when I watched that Sleeping Beauty trailer, then scrolled down to the comments and did not notice the video had changed to a NyQuil commercial and Drew Brees was actually snoring super loud. I thought it was Sleeping Beauty and was like “whaaaaaaat??????”
Is the Albert Nobbs movie a reboot of the crying game or what ha ha – Jay Leno with a bag of doritos in his pants
Godamnit, now you made me want to be in Jay Leno’s pants. Thanks a lot.
You want to be a bag of doritos? Isn’t having a taco for a face enough for you?
tables turned
lessons learned
you get burned
for playing by the rules
I appreciate that this post is brought to us by Thor’s arms.
Thor’s arms can bring me ANYTHING. Rowr.
the only thing worse than the Dane Cook “i’m a smarmy duesh” comedies are his “sitting in a car at night” dramas.
At least it won’t be hard to come up with the Albert Nobb porn parody title.
At long last Eugene Levy has returned to the American Pie franchise.
Wait, does the Sleeping Beauty trailer have a review pull-quote from the producer of the movie? I think it does! That is weird.
Ooh I can answer this! Jane Campion lent her name to the film because she was so moved by it, something that happened just before Cannes, and those quotes demonstrate why. So she wasn’t actually involved in its creation, but has been involved in working to get it seen because of her appreciation for the film. #nerdtown
Got it. Still, though, maybe remove the quote.
Or credit it to “Cane Jampion
“
I feel ashamed that I’m so excited about Shame. “Yes. It’s terrible how that young man is degrading himself. Awful. Excuse me a moment.”
I. Love. Michael. Fassbender. He needs to win all the awards. That is all.
He’s pretty. And yes, give him all the awards. Give him the MTV Surfboard this instant!
Yes, the MTV surfboard–especially that one! hahaha…Seriously though. The new Jane Eyre, with him and Mia Wasikowski or whatever her name is , that actress who was in Alice in Wonderland? OMG, I watched that movie 3 times in one weekend on pay-per-view when my husband was out of town. (I live an exciting life.)
I haven’t seen it yet, but I’ve been eyeballing it longingly in the on demand menu.
Why are you ashamed? Have you seen Hunger? You should see Hunger.
This Means War is our generation’s Mr. and Mrs. Smith*
*Hopefully with no homewrecking
I guess you guys missed that the preview for Alvin and the Chipmunks 3: Chipwrecked also premiered this week. No problem, I’ll do a very Kelly review of it. **ahem**
This looks great. Very adorable, but also full of very relevant commentary on the here and now. It’s nice to see Hollywood’s creative minds stretching themselves to find fresh, exciting ways to entertain children’s minds while also edifying them. It seems like a good way to spend money that definitely couldn’t be better spent on any other conceivable project, and I’m sure that no daringly scripts whatsoever were passed over so that the studio could churn out this gem instead. Can’t wait. Two thumbs up, this trailer.
So what bums us out most about the American Reunion trailer?
A) More than a decade has passed since the release of American Pie, which we can now view as a (gross, unfunny) reminder of our inevitable descent into old(er) age;
B) Masturbation is still enough of a taboo to be the subject of a minute-and-a-half long “joke” that’s supposed to titillate and entice us enough to want to see this movie;
C) The thing with the sock on the kid’s face;
D) That every time we see Jason Biggs now we think about the pathetic and offensive Playboy article his wife wrote;
E) All of the above, and every single other thing, implicit or explicit, in that trailer.
Re: Point A
I’m finding that too many things remind me of my descent into older age.
Most recent example: Jeremy Sisto is playing the father of a high school aged girl on that new sitcom Suburgatory. Remember when he left his Cranberries CD in the quad?
I was going to make that exact comment about Jeremy Sisto in the Thursday Night thread! I couldn’t believe he was playing a dad, but he is actually 10 years older than me so I’m not quite as old as I feel..
Remember when he was so creepy and also SO HOT in Six Feet Under?
I would just like to point out that I thought American Pie was gross and unfunny when it came out. Seriously, America, wtf? Why did anyone ever like that movie?
i know it looks terrible, but i will be seeing “this means war” because tom hardy and chris pine are all sorts of eye candy.
To be art a movie needs to have kinda beige-ish block letter titles, apparently.
There was an odd movie named “Bliss” with Sheryl Lee and Craig Sheffer and also Spalding Gray had a small part in it? Anyway, the “Shame” trailer reminds me of an inverse “Bliss” and that reminded me that “Bliss” was odd. Sorry to bring it like that
I’ve seen that movie! God bless Cinemax circa 1999.
Wait, was that Chan Marshall in a Dane Cook movie trailer?