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Charlie Kaufman is a notorious weirdo. (“Charlie Kaufman is a great screenwriter who’s worked hard to create his own universe of alternate realities.” – Gabe Delahaye, Videogum. ”Charlie Kaufman is a notorious weirdo.” – Kelly Conaboy, Videogum.) I like some of his movies and I don’t like others of his movies, but I do know that they’re always complex and weird and, sheesh, listen, what I’m trying to say is ARE WE IN THE NEXT CHARLIE KAUFMAN MOVIE, FRANK OR FRANCIS, RIGHT NOW?
Over the weekend, Charlie Kaufmen has been going to pretty much every major news organization (Variety, The Playlist, Time Out London — you know, the big three) telling them pretty much every single thing about his upcoming Internet Movie Blogger movie. Wall-to-wall spoilers. Here’s a vague non-spoiler, from Time Out London:
In the broadest possible sense, it’s about online film criticism, but as usual, the world that I’m writing about is not necessarily the world that I’m writing about. It’s just a place to set it. There’s a lot in there about the internet and anger: cultural, societal and individual anger.
Sooo, feel free to click on those links up there if you want to know everything about this movie that I guess stars Jack Black as an angry internet commenter. But what I want to suggest is:
There IS no Upset Internet Movie Blogger movie! It’s all just a big art prank/science project propelled by Charlie Kaufmen’s never ending spoiler giving to different online news sources. THE MOVIE IS US! WE ARE THE MOVIE! WE ARE ALL STARS IN THE MOVIE LIKE THAT LINE FROM SYNECDOCHE! Charlie Kaufmen can keep giving away everything about the movie because it’s all off the top of his head — it seems more complex and even normal Charlie Kaufman because it IS! BUT ALSO IT ISN’T! It’s as complex as we make it! CONGRATULATIONS TO US ON OUR BEING IN A MOVIE, FINALLY! I knew we could do it! My head is on the floor! My head’s on the floor and my body fell apart and I can’t do anything about it!
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If I make an angry internet comment, is it possible that I will win an Academy Award?
Charlie Kaufman has already won an award for someone who doesn’t exist. I would love to see the Oscars announcer read “Best original screenplay: Charlie Kaufman and Welcome to Costco, I Love You.”
“if i win an Academy Award, I can make pretentious internet comments” – Gwenyth Paltrow, 1997
I only make angry TV internet comments… Does this mean I will be in the CBS spin-off of the movie?
Two And A Half Upvotes, starring Badideajeans
S#!% my badideajeans says
The New Adventures Of Old Badideajeans
the big badideajeans theory
Someone has to say it: Breaking Badideajeans
Is Jack Black going to make funny faces? I’ll bet Jack Black makes funny faces.
I bet he’s going to do that HILARIOUS thing where he moves around in a circle to show he’s excited about something.
Steve Winwood IS Charlie Kaufman
But in the movie, he will be portrayed by Steve Winwood.
I don’t think my comments are usually angry. Does this mean I end up on the cutting room floor? If so, maybe that makes me angry. (Irony, you’ve been CONED!)
As the star of the fall 2013 CBS Comedy Two and a Half Upvotes, I will let you play the wacky neighbor. But a good one, like Larry from Three’s Company or whatever David Leisure’s character was named on Empty Nest.
His name was Charlie, and he was the quintessential wacky neighbor.
You’re RIGHT. How did I not know that? He was also in Airplane! but everyone knows that.
…and SCENE. That’s a wrap, guys!
The Eternal Plotline Of The Unwitting Participant
AdapdaFIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In retrospect, I should have gone with AdapGAYtion
I hereby resign my commenter position, effective immediately. I will turn in my keyboard and Party Down calendar.
Criticizing John Malkovich
5yn3ch0d3, N3w Y0rk
Damnit, Synechode, Noob York. Lawblog, you got room for one more in the failure corner?
There’s always room!
There’s a scene where the commenter constantly gets the longtime head writer for the site and the new intern confused because they are both played by Nicholas Cage.
Secretly hoping this is a smokescreen so he can finally make The Three screenplay from Adaptation.
“And they’re all still the same person?”
It’s already been made:
What I saw of this was pretty close too:
We should all stop commenting while we renegotiate our deals with William Morris.
Kelly, are you calling this movie fake?
I’m scared to watch Charlie Kaufman movies now because Synecdoche fucked me up for days. That movie fucked. me. up.
Personally, I am holding out for an uplifting film where I go trying to track down Mans, but find myself in the process. And also hopefully find Mans.
I miss Mans.
Is there any word on Mans? All his various and entertaining internet outlets for writing kind of just dried up over the summer. Weird, and a little worrisome to see someone fall off the internet like that.
Or maybe he just had to shut it all down for a while internet-wise. Gotta do what you gotta go, I suppose.
I hereby nominate right now for the WMOAT.
Someone make a GIF of Steve Winwood’s head on Jack Black’s body.
Kelly’s take is close. It’s more accurate to say
1) it’s a movie about a movie about internet commenters, and
2) there is some imaginary internet reaction to the movie-within-the-movie, which is
3) really a joke about the real us.
In order to pull this off he also fictionalizes the creation of “Internet2″ which is a real thing but doesn’t behave the way it really behaves, and the imaginary commenters notice this as well and it’s a joke about Kaufman still having to write scripts even though he is very smart and knows better.
Charlie Kaufman, quick procrastinating and finish writing your damn script. You can have a muffin in 32 minutes if you type things not on chat boards.
Now back to my spreadsheet…
I think videogum could make a great sitcom. Kelly & Gabe, start brainstorming. And no laugh track, or the monsters will make fun of you.
Because we are pretentious and don’t really want you to be funny.
I like to think this is all BS and all he’s really making is a Western shoot-em-up. Honestly, Kaufman can say literally anything and people will believe it.
Fact: Charlie Kaufman hasnt made a good movie since Being John Malkovich.
Don’t go dissing Adaptation, Eternal Sunshine or Kung Fu Panda 2
Ryan Gosling should play The Internet.