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Ugh, public marriage proposals. I’ve talked about it before, but to reiterate: I think any form of a public marriage proposal is a bad idea. From doing it in a restaurant and making the waitress not know how to act when she comes back to the table, to doing it in front of the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center while making everyone around you feel awkward, to choreographing a dance to perform at Disney World while everyone around you films it with their telephones — all bad ideas. Go home! Or if you mustn’t be home, at least be quiet! Who are you trying to impress? ME? ALL OF US? THE WAITRESS? Well, we’re not impressed. People fall in love and get married to each other all the time. It’s beautiful but also who cares. With that said, though, this person who choreographed a dance to do at Disney World did at least a pretty good job with the choreographing? And even though I really hated him at the beginning (“All right, so!”), I thought it was pretty cute at the end? I don’t know. Maybe I’m growing soft in my old age, which is what she said. But you can make your own judgements.
Still totally against it, obviously. And if this were my boyfriend I’d be so embarrassed and I’d be like, WE ARE NOT GETTING MARRIED I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU WOULD EMBARRASS ME LIKE THIS JUST SO PEOPLE WOULD TALK ABOUT IT ON THE INTERNET YOU HUGE JERK I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU DID THIS TO ME — TO US!!! But that’s just me. I don’t handle things very well. And this woman seems to have enjoyed it, so whatever. Good job I guess? But also, no, not good job. I rest my case.
(Also, doesn’t this song by Bruno Mars sound like it could easily be a song by Ra Ra Riot? I know that has nothing to do with anything but I heard it on the radio the other day and was like whoa this sounds like it could easily be a song by Ra Ra Riot. Right? Hello?) (Thanks for the tip, Werttrew.)
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Woman want romance, not Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride.
I’ll show myself out.
Hey now, be fair. EVERYONE wants Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride.
A private proposal ON Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride would almost be acceptable. You’re just in the seat, sliding all over each other, and if you can manage to ask her, get an answer, and get the ring on her without dropping it or without the ride ending, that would be kind of a cool story.
And it didn’t take place in an outdoor mall.
Proposing in public and then POSTING IT TO YOUTUBE is not that different from fucking in public and posting it to XTube.
XTube, you say???
So NO public marriage proposals then? Good to know. In totally unrelated news, does anybody have any ideas on how to convince a skywriter to refund a deposit?
No need, Taco. The answer is yes. YES!!!
Public serving-of-divorce-papers is still all class. If you want to hedge your bets on the girl, you can see if he’ll hold onto the deposit for a year or two?
(PS I am obvs just kidding, Facetaco is happily married to a beautiful enchilada, and I wish them and their little taquitos all the best).
Jesus Christ I would pay to see a flash mob that publicly served someone divorce papers. Then also they would say “you got served.” Then she’d break out into her own dance because she got served and stuff.
Not to any of you guys… divorces are gross and messy and sad. I wish the best for my fellow monsters.
I just hate flash mob attention seeking marriage proposals in a Disney-branded mall so I have a feeling that the exact opposite of this would be pretty fucking awesome. Unfortunately the kinds of people I’d like to see doing it are the ones doing the proposals and the ones who would do a ‘you got served” divorce dance-off are annoying hipsters. And the more I think about it, the more I bet this is on an agenda somewhere for an Imrov Everywhere group… though I do find some of their stuff pretty funny.
I really want to see a supercut of a bunch of public marriage proposals where the girl says no and then it’s just really awkward for everybody.
I used to really hate public proposals too. But then a few years ago Mr. Guffman proposed to me at a park beside a river with his guitar..he started playing Wonderful Tonight, then dropped his pick inside the guitar by “accident,” and pulled out my ring. There were only a very few people around, and it was really a great and personal moment.
Anyway, having said that, yeah, this video is pretty cool. Cheesy. Maybe a bit TOO perfect? But you know, marriage and Disney are each cheesy in their own way, I guess.
TL;DR
Getting a pick/ring out of a guitar hole is difficult to do, especially under time and situational constraints. You have found an extremely talented man.
Or Mr. Guffman is Magneto. (Please let me believe that Mr. Guffman is Magneto)
“I am Magneto.” -Mr. Guffman, in his dreams
He had the ring taped to the inside. He’s a forward thinker!
That is almost exactly how I proposed to my wife, except instead of a guitar pick, it was a condom. And instead of falling in the guitar, it broke.
Too funny!!!
This should become the world’s newest euphemism. “Uh, don’t panic, but the pick fell into the guitar.”
Alternatively, “I think we just broke a string.”
That sounds more like a virginity-taking euphemism. (Hymen reference, you guys.)
I’ll show myself out.
I don’t know. Nancey Grace’s nipple slip kinda set the bar high today for dancing videos.
Nancy Grace what?! Do I dare google that?
As a graduate of the Milford Academy, any sort of action that would bring any notice is frankly unsettling and terrifying. If you will excuse me, I have to blend into the wall now.
I think the only thing I hate more than public marriage proposals is Disney.
Wait, didn’t you used to work there? The Kool-Aid didn’t take?
Hmm, last week someone said they used to work for the Mouse. Maybe it wasn’t you.
Oh no, it was me.
This is correct.
Man. This guy totally stole my idea. Only instead of Disney World it was the Long Island City Scandal’s gentlemen’s club. And instead of “Marry You” it was “Youse a Ho.” But basically the same thing.
“Youse a Ho.”
“Oh lawblog, you’ve made me the happiest ho in this gentleman’s club. Free lapdance!”
At the wedding our first dance was “Move, Bitch.” Everyone was crying. I assume from happiness.
“Always a bridesmaid I mean stripper, never a bride I mean not-a-stripper”
Public proposals – UGH. I think the big screen proposals at stadiums are the worst. I feel like people that do this are the most insecure couples and the only way that the proposer is confident of a “yes” is by planning an ambush in front of thousands of people so their partner will be too shocked aback to say no. (PS – I am truly a hopeless/hapless romantic…but these are not romantic situations. I’m with you, Kelly!)
I second your UGH. The only way a public proposal is acceptable is if they’ve already talked about it and that’s what she said she wanted. It’s quite possible that a couple who has season tickets has decided ahead of time that a jumbotron proposal is cool and it’s just a matter of picking the game and surprising her.
But I stand firm in my opposition to public proposals in general, especially surprise ones.
The Narrator proposed to me publicly and it was beautiful, but it didn’t end up on the internet…At least, not that I am aware of…
Found it!
There is public proposals, as in proposals in which other people are around, and then there are staged proposals, which are way icky. (Though as a person who doesn’t like to talk about my feelings, I think I would prefer a proposal alone in the dark with no eye contact).
I prefer public breakups. Loud public breakups. They are literally my favorite thing to watch in the whole world. I might even like it more than television.
This is also correct.
And also, what are you doing living in PDX and watching TV?! For God’s sake, DON’T TELL ANYBODY!!!
#easyportlandjokes
Oh god, as I hit submit I realized how weird that was. I’m pretty sure that was you who said you just moved to Portland? Maybe? Who knows.
Oh, it was me.
he looks too young to be getting married.
Also if ever there was evidence of the existence of Satan well, flash mobs are a perfect example of hell on earth.
I don’t get it, you guys. Public proposals are great! Love! Marriage!
Put it on the record: one vote PRO public marriage proposals.
I actually watched this proposal twice. The song is nice, the dancers are talented, and I have decided to marry the one in boots.
I’m with you Mr. Guy. I love watching flash mobs and public marriage proposals, but I think I would be mortified at participating in either.
So it turns out combining two wrongs (flash mobs and public marriage proposals) really can get it right?
Does this mean there’s hope for my series of videos where I pull pranks on toddler beauty queens?
There is not a single part of me that does not yearn for this to be real.
It’s funny you should mention my future wife’s band in a post about proposals!
I just have to figure out if she wants a public proposal or not. Well, that and actually meet her and convince her that I’m her future husband.
True suspicion: If I ever propose, it won’t be in public; in fact, it probably will be in a dark room while I am asleep. Because apparently I talk in my sleep. Like, not out of nowhere — but if asked direct questions. I will answer them. From the dream state. Like an oracle. But an oracle who is kind of an idiot. So, pretty sure this is how I will propose:
GIRL IN BOOTS WHO I HAVE SOMEHOW SEDUCED: What’s on your mind lately?
ME, ASLEEP: zzzzz… apple pie… zzz….
GIRL IN BOOTS: I mean it. What’s on your mind?
ME, ASLEEP: Marry me. Forever. Do it.
Hours later, I wake up…
ME: What are you doing in that dress?