Here we are, the final Interns’ Corner post. It’s been quite the wild ride. Lots of memories. Lots of tears. I will certainly miss writing the introductions to your posts, and I will certainly miss reading your posts. But as hard as it is to see Andrew, Joe, and Kelly leave us, we can at least take solace in the fact that we’re sending out three lovely young men and woman into the world with a solid background in choosing internet videos that have “gone viral” in roughly the week around when they were chosen, and then writing up some commentary about them before sending them off into the vast world of the Internet to exist forever and ever. Have fun at school, guys! Bring your teachers iApples! Study your nooks! Today they would like to share with you some soothing sounds, some questions about spiders, and some advice that we can ALL use, especially our interns, — how to start your own TeenBiz. So, let’s get to it. ONE LAST TIME!
Wow! My last Interns’ Corner post. Please no one cry. Everybody stop crying! You look like a fucking mess. Just relax! I’ll help: What’s the most relaxing sound you can think of? “Thirteen minutes of a guy stacking Jenga blocks in relative silence.” Great! Just click the video above, and we’ll chat a little before I go. It’s been a trip, hasn’t it? Remember that time Gabe spelled my last name wrong? Or how about when Kelly asked if you guys remembered how I got mad Gabe spelled my last name wrong? (I wasn’t mad!) And who could forget that time I said “Andrew Kornfeld” in an Interns’ Corner post so that when potential employers google me Videogum comes up and they can see how funny and cool I am? Yes, we sure did have a lot of great name-related times together, but that’s over now. I mean, not for really over. Because I comment as “ignition remix” and there are links to personal things on my Videogum profile. Anyway, if I had one regret, it would be choosing esoteric videos so often. Just kidding, I don’t regret that at all. It was a great decision always. Okay, these Jenga blocks are putting me to sleep. I love you guys! See you in the comments! R.I.P. –Andrew
Alright, Confessiongum, everyone. I will admit that, for the teensiest second, I wasn’t sure if this guy was for real. It isn’t that I didn’t find his accent convincing, or even that I found the possibility of some German somewhere being perturbed by the naming of daddy longlegs…um, remote. It’s just that it’s too good! It’s too easy. It’s as if all the peoples of the world banded together and approached the bejeweled dais of the Internet and said, “Internet –- here you go. We heard you’d like this.” I mean, obviously I did the research (LOL) and found out that this is a guy with a lot of videos and he’s been pretty consistently zany, and pretty consistently German, so I’m willing to forfeit my challenge. But “Is this a shortness for ‘Father Long Legs’?” Seriously? I dunno, you guys. Pretty cute stuff. But you know, for all my disbelief, I totally see where he’s coming from. I’ve very much thought the same thing about daddy longlegs (“longlegs” is one word according to Wikipedia), ever since I was a toddler longlegs toddling around the sandbox. “Who named this shit?” I said. See? I wasn’t as cute and funny about it as this guy. Even though one expects a child to be cute and funny about most things. Isn’t it weird how we equate foreigners to children? Final note: Goodbye Kelly and Gabe! I will miss our long lunch breaks by the water cooler! Kelly, don’t worry, I’ll give you those DVDs back! Bye, all you readers! –Joe
As I go gently into this good semester, I’m reminded of the lessons of TeenBiz. I can’t be an intern forever. Eventually, my parents will realize that I haven’t bought textbooks in 3 years and they’ll cut me off financially, leaving me to fend for myself like the grownup that I’m supposed to resemble. I’ll have to buy all of my suede vests and monogrammed baseball hats on my own, making anywhere from 12 to 350 dollars a week if I’m lucky. I’m not worried, though. I’m sure it’ll be “sweet!” and “a win-win situation!” and “bucks, bro!” I just know it. I trust young Balki Bartokomous implicitly, and I’m pretty sure Warren Buffett gets his best financial advise from barefoot kids on the beach, so don’t you worry about me. The important thing is to just keep watching TeenBiz over and over again, gleaning life lessons, and definitely not being groomed for a Ponzi scheme involving children and teens. How else could those young entrepreneurs have afforded that house that they stole? I’m so good at money. I am going to be so rich. –Kelly