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From the moment we all first learned about Courtney Stodden’s sanctified marriage to Doug Hutchinson, it was completely inevitable that they would be getting their own reality TV show, no doy-oy-oy, and so this story from Radar about how Courtney and Doug have chosen a producer for the reality TV show they were always going to get comes as a surprise to absolutely no one.
The 17-year-old and her Green Mile actor husband Doug Hutchison have signed a deal with Roy Bank, the president of Merv Griffin Entertainment.
“We are so excited to be working with Roy Bank, a great professional in this business,” Courtney and Doug exclusively told Radaronline.com. “We are proud that we were able to find the perfect producer for our reality show and are thrilled to be working with this prestigious production company.”
“The reason we went with Roy is because we feel that he is the man who will be able to place Courtney’s show in front of the best network for her,” Krista Stodden, Courtney’s momager, told Radaronline.com.
Wait, HER MOM IS HER MANAGER?! Boom goes the headamite. You mean to say that not only do her parents know what is going on with her, but they earn 10 percent of the profits?! EEK! EEK! The Germans have a word for this, it’s called “prison.” That being said, I am totally looking forward to Courtney and Doug’s reality show no joke. Here is my pitch:
A month from now Courtney and Doug are told that none of the networks were interested in their pitch and that there’s not going to be a reality show. This news is reported by Deadline Hollywood and reblogged everywhere. But secretly, during the meeting where they are told that the whole purpose of their fame-grubbing nightmarriage is not going to be realized, hidden cameras are installed throughout their house and for the next six months, their lives together when they believe that they’re NOT going to have a show are secretly taped and THAT is the show. Oh man, can you imagine? It would be AMAZING! What on Earth do these two ghouls talk about when they are alone together? And what WOULD they talk about if they suddenly found themselves staring down the long and rocky road of a married life together without the promised reality show on which all of their decisions have been based? I’m pretty sure it would be the first time in herstory that a reality TV show would win the Emmy for BEST DRAMA.
This guy would be so gracious about it.
No no, your show is much better than mine and you deserved to win the award.
Oh, and the show would be called Nightmare Island.
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The Real Housewives Of John Adams High School
How can her mom be her manager? Surely one must need some sort of qualifications to be trusted with such an important job.
She must manage like dog shit.
Who puts 8 books on the radiator?
Not that guy.
I’ll watch this show. Everything about her is positively hypnotizing:
in the very first frame of this gif, for one split of a split second, she actually resembles a 16 year old human being. i am impressed.
I think America will be split along similar lines with this show.
I’m looking forward* to the episode when Courtney is acting all bitchy and screaming that she wants a divorce, but then at the end of the show she gets her first period and Doug is like, “awwww, did my wittle wifey get an unexpected wisitor?” and all is forgiven.
*no i’m not. this is gross.
Is that when Doug will start wearing Affliction jeans and graphic tees after they break up and she’ll be stuck in the house with seven needy children who all need attention? Am I thinking of another show? Oh, right, I think I am.
Jersey Shore.
Dear Superglue,
Please always remember that you are blessed to have parents who truly care about you and your well being and who would have literally locked you in your room if you tried even one single thing that Courtney Stodden has done in her short life. They really did just want you to grow into a relatively mature, self-sufficient and happy adult. Even if you get annoyed sometimes, the alternatives are absolutely terrifying. So, just call them and thank them.
Love,
Superglue
Dude, Tatum O’Neal and Lindsay Lohan are looking at Courtney Stodden and writing THIS EXACT SAME LETTER.
Has anyone read her horrifying tweets about how horny she is and what lingerie she’s wearing? Phone sex operators are more subtle. And we’re supposed to believe she’s a teenager? What kind of dystopic Rick Perry 2012 election hellscape spawned this girl?
This comment was supposed to live on its own. Like all the viruses and downers and sex drugs that have fused together to create Courtney Stodden.
“She loses her last baby tooth! He gets a new hip! Tonight on ‘Courtney and Doug: An Affair to Remember and an Affront to Everybody Else.’”
Someone in Hollywood PLEASE combine the Snoop Dogg show with the Stodden/Hutchinson show. Call it Tyler Perry’s Sticky-icky Green Mile and just stash it on some shitty channel that no one is going to watch. Looking at you, CW.
Can we just throw the whole Everything in fucking garbage already?
Oh, I see you’ve already heard the tagline for the DEA raid episode.
For once, I don’t know who someone is through cultural osmosis. I am going to try to stay in the dark as to who this Courtney person is…a social experiment.
I know I’m arguing semantics here, but can we get a new name for this genre of trash TV? A show about the marriage between the world’s youngest mummy and a guy who was in a movie 12 years ago isn’t even close to reality.
“Shit People in Tiaras?”
I coined a term a few months ago which describes the central theme of reality TV focusing on people’s shitty relationships. The word is Argumentertainment.
In fact, I uploaded it to urbandictionary, the web’s foremost resource for finding the answer to “Can we just find another name for this already?”
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Argumentertainment
So let’s paint, exercise, and start using that word.
“From the moment we all first learned about Courtney Stodden’s sanctified marriage to Doug Hutchinson”
I first read this as sacrificial marriage to Doug Hutchinson. And then read that her mom is shopping her around for a reality show so, you know, it still works.
Same here!
“These two are pretty fucked up and this is going to end badly, so let’s get it on tape and make a boat load of money.” – TV executives
Hidden Cameras Recording:
“Oh, and of the record, I HATE ‘THE GREEN MILE!!!’”
“You were TWO when you saw it!!!”
*dishes smashing*
You know, I’m starting to like her. There’s just something about her. She’s got a smile that it seems to me reminds me of childhood memories.
I understand why this is an irresistible topic, but every time you write about it, I get a little closer to remembering these people’s names, and that can’t happen. Now I have to take a Forget-Me-Now just to be safe.
Stop the presses!
Seriously, turn them off. Turn everything off.
Nightmare GIF. No thanks.
I can’t stop thinking that this guy is Eugene Victor Tooms from the X Files. He’s just going to eat her liver and then hibernate for another 30 years.
I ALREADY have a spin-off (yep, that’s right…it’s my version of working it!). Put her together with the Kardashians and call it: “My Mom is My Pimp” and have Dr. Drew host and discuss how having your mother pimp you out and collect 10% on your ‘earnings’ damages you AND AMERICA.
UGH. I HATE TV. (Well, just this stuff.)