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Well we did it, guys. Another Emmys come and gone, and another wonderful night filled with glamour and stars and excitement and barf and yawns and surprisingly lackluster award announcements behind us. My goodness, what a terrible show that was! It’s not like you really go into the Emmys expecting to be entertained because, as it is repeated over and over here and other places, it is at best a night of celebrities congratulating each other on their achievements in the world of play-pretend interspersed with grandiose and poorly written skits, and at worst it is a night of celebrities not being able to read teleprompters or remember lists of names interspersed with grandiose and poorly written skits. But this year’s Emmy Awards was oddly terrible.
First of all, the opening sketch thing. WHAT? I don’t even understand what that was supposed to be. A house full of TV shows and something about Leonard Nimoy? Why wasn’t there anything funny in it? Wasn’t it supposed to be funny? And then the AWARDS. There were a number of good things nominated this year, and Kyle Chandler and Downton Abbey and Peter Dinklage did win, and that’s great, but then Modern Family and the Daily Show won the rest of them? Who cares! Boooooo, ZZzZzzzzzz. Also, remember when Paula Abdul was there for a second only to make a joke about how she can’t balance, which she couldn’t even deliver without sounding like a crazy person, and then that was it? And the thing with the Emmytones or WHATEVER? And then Gwyneth not being able to say anything when the teleprompter didn’t work, like it was honestly her first rodeo and she previously had never even heard of what a rodeo was? What a wreck.
Ooohh, but also, remember when Aaron Paul was in that sketch, with Creed from The Office? That was great! He’s the best. So I guess it was a great Emmy Awards after all. Congratulations can’t wait ’til next year. Here’s a full list of winners:
Actress, Drama Series: Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife
Actor, Drama Series: Kyle Chandler, Friday Night Lights
Supporting Actor, Drama Series: Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones
Supporting Actress, Drama Series: Margo Martindale, Justified
Writing, Drama Series: Jason Katims, Friday Night Lights
Directing, Drama Series: Martin Scorsese, Boardwalk Empire
Comedy Series: Modern Family
Actor, Comedy Series: Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory
Actress, Comedy Series: Melissa McCarthy, Mike & Molly
Supporting Actress, Comedy Series: Julie Bowen, Modern Family
Supporting Actor, Comedy Series: Ty Burrell, Modern Family
Writing, Comedy Series: Steven Levitan and Jeffrey Richman, Modern Family
Directing, Comedy Series: Michael Spiller, Modern Family
Miniseries or Movie: Downton Abbey
Actress, Miniseries or Movie: Kate Winslet, Mildred Pierce
Actor, Miniseries or Movie: Barry Pepper, The Kennedys
Supporting Actress, Miniseries or Movie: Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey
Supporting Actor, Miniseries or Movie: Guy Pearce, Mildred Pierce
Directing, Miniseries, Movie or Dramatic Special: Brian Percival, Downton Abbey
Writing, Miniseries, Movie or Dramatic Special: Julian Fellowes, Downton Abbey
Reality-Competition Program: The Amazing Race
Variety, Music or Comedy Series: The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
Directing, Variety, Music or Comedy Series: Don Roy King, Saturday Night Live
Writing, Variety, Music or Comedy Series: The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
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More like Modern Famemmy, amirite?
So are we going to pretend Modern Family is even halfway deserving of this? The only moderately defensible one is Ty Burrell, but the show is simply inferior to SO MANY shows. GET BACK TO STUDYING, ACADEMY.
What was Christina Hendricks doing there with Fabio?
Imagining that he was me, probably.
Welcome back!
Thanks! my dreams were my ticket out.
The most amazing part was seeing a dear friend of mine up on stage with the Mad Men cast and crew (for the second year) when they won for best drama! It’s not just that it was exciting seeing someone I know well – and of course seeing her after pics posing with the Emmy – but that she worked long and hard to be part of a show that is recognized for excellence. And so should she!
I’m calling bullshit here; January Jones doesn’t HAVE any dear friends.
Hah! My friend is part of the production crew, but she has told me a number of interesting stories about January and John Hamm, and meeting Neal Patrick Harris at last year’s Emmy parties (he hit on her in front of his boyfriend and hers).
What can she tell me about the following:
1) Did Christina Hendricks get the letter I sent?
2) Is the restraining order still valid?
You been knighted? Congrats.
“your friend has been hanging out at the shit awards again, eh Bubs? Taking part in ushering in the winds of Oscar-shit? Well you know what they say, birds of the shit feather flock together”-Jim Lahey
“That’s just the liquor talking, Randy.”
You guys, I missed so much when I was out of the country! I missed THE EMMYS! Oh no! Also, did you guys know that Wendy’s is reinventing their signature hamburger and calling it “Dave’s Hot ‘N Juicy?” That is a terrible name for a hamburger! That is a terrible name for ANYTHING, actually. I want to leave the country again!
Now that you mention it, a “number one with cheese” is actually a pretty bad name for food, also.
There’s a donut place by my house called “Kim’s Creamy Donut”. Just thought I’d put that out there.
It’s almost as bad as “Uncle Charley’s Sausage”. I think that is still the WORST name for a product, like, ever.
Can we talk about how funny Jane Lynch was? She was on fire. She leaned a bit heavily on “I’m a lesbian!”, but I especially liked the “gay agenda” bit.
She’s a lesbian?!
“If you’re wondering why I’m a lesbian, here’s the cast of Entourage,” was probably my favorite joke of the night that wasn’t Roger Sterling trying to watch TV on his phone.
I honestly miss Mad Men.
Real quote from Johnny Drama last night:
“It was funny, but I think it’s not fair at the same time,” Dillon told me at HBO party at the Pacific Design Center. “We all have good senses of humor but I think the men of Entourage treat women well for the most part…
“…E has had a longtime relationship. Vince has always treated women politely and even Turtle lately. I didn’t take offense but that’s not what the show is about.”
I loved the Entourage joke, but was also a fan of the “somebody didn’t get enough hugs from mommy and somehow it’s Hollywood’s fault” line after the Ricky Gervais bit.
I didn’t watch the show, but I hoped that I would wake up this morning to a YouTube of a very emotional, touching, hilarious Steve Carrell acceptance speech.
Guess not
don’t worry because i am 100% absolutely sure and positive that chuck lorre puts equally as much effort as a producer into his 3 fucking award-winning toilet bowls, as any of the executive producers ever did for michael scott, so everything works out even stevens easy-peasy rootie tootie in the end, right? Right?? GUNSHOT
I never found Michael Scott funny. I thought the performance was too big and too one-note. It was the supporting cast that made Steve Carell bearable… but I’ve always thought that and especially of his movies. Downvote me if you want, but Dwight and Creed and Ryan and any of the males of that cast are 300 times funnier than Michael Scott when they’re just doing things in the background.
But sweet fucking Christ, knowing that that nerd won over him* makes me want to go into an old school Alpha Beta rage against NERDS.
*But for real Louis CK was robbed.
“FAKE nerd!”–My boyfriend, angrily, whenever this show is brought up.
Louis CK WAS robbed! Especially in the writing category. Whatevs. I think when Jim Parsons and Melissa McCarthy win over those other talented people that the Emmys can just go fuck themselves. I mean, I loved McCarthy’s speech and sincerity, and I’m glad they don’t pick some rail thin person every year, but they’re picking her and Mike and Molly (fuck that show) over Amy Poehler or Tina Fey, who are HANDS DOWN the funniest women on TV? That’s a fucking joke.
As for Michael Scott, which is actually why I started this comment (phew), I actually think that the reason more people do not feel the way you do (about him being too big and one-note and somewhat unbearable) is because of Steve Carell and his ability to put just enough empathy into Michael Scott that we never leave him. The greatest difference between Michael Scott and David Brent is that Brent is completely and utterly unlovable, while Michael Scott provides the inkling of humanity that gave the show more heart than the British Office ever did. Although whether that makes better or worse TV is not up to me to decide, as the British Office is perfect and the American Office is a different beast altogether.
Sorry for this long comment. It got away from me. TL;DR
No you’re 100% right. But the only time I’m explicitly not laughing at Michael Scott is when I’m feeling bad for him. So either way, I’m not laughing. He’s a tragic character and a very good one but funniest man he is not.
I screamed angrily at my TV when Louis CK didn’t win for writing… especially when we got that oversharing of the Modern Family episode that LOLOLOLOL we all remember so well!
But in hindsight, it would be weird and un Louis CK like if he did win. (Though I think he’s won for the Chris Rock show a few times.)
Clear eyes. Full hearts. Can’t upvote enough.
Fuck yeah Coach Taylor!
Kyle Chandler’s impression of Goalpost Jesus
So, serious question: What is the distinction between “actor/actress” and “supporting actor/actress”? I mean, how does Jim Parsons get to be an actor, but Ty Burrell is only a supporting actor? Granted, I don’t watch Nerds Sure Are Funny When Forced To Interact With Attractive Women, but aren’t there like three other dudes who are also banging large? Why does that one dude get to be the lead? I don’t get it.
I just want to say I really like the term “banging large” and I’m going to start using it for pretty much everything.
I’m sure there’s some rule about airtime and minutes on screen or whatever, but I look at it this way: Modern family is an ensemble cast. There are no “leads” or “protagonists,” it follows everyone in equal parts. Big Bang however has clearly defined leads, you can identify who the main characters are immediately.
For next week, class, read chapter 4, and dont be surprised if there’s a pop quiz on it!
Right, but I thought that Johnny Galecki was the lead, and Jim Parsons was playing the more popular Fonzie to Galecki’s Richie?
Lines can get blurred on that. Like I said, I’m sure there’s a “40% on screen” rule or something, so he gets in on technicality? But he’s still a lead. Big bang theory is about “two nerdy roommates being nerds,” not “one nerd who has a nerdy roommate with other nerdy friends who are awkward around women.”
YOU KNOW TOO MUCH ABOUT THE BIG BANG THEORY!
I wouldn’t be surprised if there _weren’t_ any airtime rules. I think it’s up to the show to submit actors and supporting actors into different characters during nomination time. I remember a few articles about it last year, when it was unclear who was supporting and who was lead on Modern Family.
The Modern Family cast chose to all submit themselves as supporting actors. It seems to be working out for them.
FOUND IT. Rules are here, pg 42-43.
Interestingly, there is a rule for Miniseries/TV Movie about airtime, but not fer the series. Huh.
I think the shows submit actors in specific categories. So if the banging large producers submit a Jim Parsons reel under the leading actor category and everyone else in the supporting categories, that’s what they’re eligible for.
Serious answer: it’s a matter of what award for which the actor’s name is submitted. Modern Family decided to all submit their names for supporting as it is an ensemble cast (a “family” if you will) and they are not shitheads. Parsons and Galeki I guess decided to submit for lead despite that also being an ensemble cast, because, “Fuck other actual lead actors, I want the shiny thing,” said Parsons and Galeki.
Or, what R2 said, apparently.
Glad we could all work together to clear this up.
Don’t forget the other joke in that show… average-looking attractive women can’t know about science!
DAMMIT!!
average-lookingattractive-lookingwomen can’t know about science!I code for a living guys. I guess this means I’m attractive. #feminism
I bet the series submits into the category that they have the greatest chance of winning. Like with “Friends” that is an ensemble cast…so how is Kudrow a supporting actress and Aniston is a sometimes lead/sometimes supporting? No sense.
Dear Melissa McCarthy and Jim Parsons,
You totally earned your Emmys, and are sooooo much funnier than all the other nominees. Enjoy your awards.
Yours Truly,
Sarcastic Sam
Dear Mom And Dad,
Thanks a lot for the name, assholes. Now nobody takes my opinions seriously, no matter how sincere I am.
Yours Truly,
Sarcastic Sam
So does Sam enjoy his name? I can never tell when he’s being sarcastic.
He SOOOOOOO enjoys his name.
“This baby is off the charts!”
Someday, I’d love to read the unofficial tell-all book about why Jim Parsons wants these awards badly enough to commit the heinous, horrible acts he must commit to keep beating Alec Baldwin, Steve Carrell, and Louis CK.
His bathroom is in dire need of redecorating.
Jim Parsons is our generation’s Jeremy Piven.
I watched most of the show with the sound on low (because I was doing other AcTiViTiEs), but i think I saw David Spade. I thought he was dead. Did i miss something?
He’s on Rules Of Engagement, which I keep forgetting is a real show that exists. There are a lot of shows whose successes I find inexplicable, but this one is particularly baffling. It was a midseason replacement for 3 of its first 4 seasons. How is it possible for a show to KEEP being a midseason replacement, year after year?
Interesting. Welcome back David Spade/facetaco.
Damn it, you figured out my secret identity! I guess I gave it away, only a cast member of Rules Of Engagement would have any idea that the show exists. Nielsen Ratings for that show don’t even exist.
Like I said during the pizza party, the Entourage cameo really gave him the career boost he so desperately needed.
Twitter was drowning in #Emmys last night. While I don’t begrudge anyone who chooses to spend their time watching and Live Tweeting such an event, at a certain point I did start to wonder why those who hate it so much were making the commitment. Yes, sure, it’s a pop culture event, and this is to some degree a pop culture site so to a degree it makes sense for it to be covered. After a while though I just wanted everyone to do something they actually enjoyed, like have a nice pad thai meal with friends or watch something that didn’t involve ‘Amazing Race’ puns. I don’t want Gabe and his peers to go through this every year is what I’m saying. They deserve better!
Use the phrase ‘to a degree’ MORE, Jon. #Woof
I was seriously considering live tweeting my hatred of the airport yesterday. The primary difference there is that I didn’t have the ability to change the channel to something that I hated less. Also, I didn’t do it because a-derr, EVERYODY hates the airport.
Martin Scorsese, because, Martin Scorsese
Congratulations to Mike and Molly.
That’s because Fatties are also Seals, right? Good joke. Very good joke.
last night i proclaimed that if louis ck didn’t win the emmy for best actor in a comedy that we should all rise in armed resistance to the hollywood establishment. well it didn’t happen. so… WHO’S WITH ME!?
So just to be clear, Breaking Bad didn’t win any awards? Why would I care about the Emmy’s again?
Also, prep your downvoting thumb if need be: Modern Family is a terribly mediocre, joke thieving/rehashing, garbage show for people who haven’t seen television before and who don’t have normal concepts of how human beings interact with each other. That is to say, finding Modern Family funny is like finding Hannah Montana funny.
breaking bad’s season was outside of the emmy time frame or something like that…because yes none of these people were even close to aaron paul or bryan cranston…also boo to you, modern family is just a good spirited family sitcom thats not supposed to be anything more than that
“So just to be clear, I don’t know anything about television and only think shows are funny if they have a 2.0 rating or worse.”
Huh?
Cool downvotes, bros.
(A) You assumed that Breaking Bad was shut out — of nominations, not just awards — rather than figure that it hasn’t been on for a while, so wasn’t up for anything.
(B) You bag on a show that’s actually very funny.
it’s been on for nearly 3 months.
I bagged on a show that isn’t funny, in my opinion, but also objectively because it’s never made me laugh, and that’s all that matters.
“So just to be clear, I don’t know anything about comedy, and I
only think shows are funny if they have a 2.0 rating or worse” is probably what I have coming to me now?
Can’t respond to comment below so I’ll respond here.
I didn’t say you didn’t know anything about comedy. I said “television”; I was referring to your weird assumption that the Academy gave no nominations to the best show on TV. (It’s been on for months but the nominations got handed out a while back.) I thought my second comment cleared that up, but apparently not.
Everybody is entitled to their opinions and should share them, obviously. I don’t agree with all of Gabe’s opinions but I still love reading them, because he explains them in a funny, insightful way. You didn’t. In college, I was the only person in my group of friends who didn’t like Phish. But I didn’t insultingly tell them, “thinking Phish is good is like thinking Kenny G is good.” I explained (the various reasons) why I didn’t like them. And I mean, really, Modern Family is like Hannah Montana? I get it’s an exaggeration but come on, dude.
Exactly though – why does a show that doesn’t try harder to be anything beyond a very safe pleasant thing merit an award? “WHOA easy there djfreshie, just…i mean, at least we’re not the Grammys, right?” – the Emmys.
I so agree. Since when should people get rewarded for being the most average? I tried to watch Modern Family. I tried to like it. But the show tried to so hard to be everything to everyone that I just couldn’t relate.
If I had to pick a “pleasant” family sitcom to watch, I’d choose The Middle. Brick is my boy!!!
i think modern family started out strong enough, and most of the first season was pretty solid. its main problem is that there is no cohesive story arc to any of it and they’ve fallen into relying on the stereotypes of the characters: gloria is always COLOOOOOOMBIAN, claire is always neurotic (and apparently has about 5 different holidays/events that are “hers”), manny is always a 60 year old man trapped in a 13 year old body, etc etc.
I thought it was promising too, but I never understood how the Faux-Documentary thing worked (considering the show isn’t a faux documentary) and that drove me insane. And writing a precocious child character into a show always makes me loco – it’s seriously the easiest, safest running gag there is. I can’t watch a show where that character exists.
Yes but Ty Burrell was really fucking good throughout both seasons.
Boooooring, but I’ve heard that Margo Martindale deserved her win for Justified, so that’s good.
I can’t wait for THE SOUP to mock all parties associated with those dumb Emmytone segments.
A swing and a miss, Joel McHale.
Here’s the opening sketch, with the Aaron Paul-Creed meth deal, in case you missed it:
http://gtcha.me/nKPLm0
Anybody else bummed out Steven Moffat lost the Miniseries Writing award for Sherlock? Anyone? Just me? Okay.
Yes, but I was gunning for Luther.
I’m so sick of The Amazing Race winning awards!! Maybe it doesn’t really win all that many, I don’t honestly know, but it seems like they’re always winning everything and yes it is a decent show but it is no TOP SCALLOPS!!!!!!!!!!
I’m fairly sure it’s won every Emmy since the category’s been put in place. I honestly think Jersey Shore has more nuance and depth than a glorified game show with plane tickets.
It’s the best reality category…
It’s dog shit vs cat shit vs horse shit. Who cares which one the flies land on?
Martha Plimpton looked HAWT. Her looks really are kinda pretty….when her face isn’t screwing it up.
SERIOUSLY she looked AMAZING.
I feel like I must have missed something that everyone else seems to mysteriously know about, but where was Community in this?
Professor Duncan was on stage for the Jon Stewart writing award, so I am counting that as a Community win.
Double burn on McHale’s “Emmytones” turn
UH-OH GUYS, my dad didn’t like the show!