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Because today is a day that we all woke up and got dressed for so what were we even expecting, we have some exciting Hollywood remake/adaptation news. OH, GREAT! It was announced Tuesday at the Toronto Film Festival that Twilight‘s Ashley Greene will be starring in an “ultramodern” take on Oliver Twist called, of course, Olivia Twisted. Because iLivia X-sted didn’t read as well, I can only assume. From Variety:
Script by tyro writer Michael Roberts follows 19-year-old Olivia and a group of highly trained street urchins. Upon accepting a kidnapping job, they find themselves in the middle of a turf war between warring criminal factions.
It goes on to say that it will combine “Dickensian elements with a Gothic backdrop,” meaning, I am guessing, the implied idea of orphans + Alexander McQueen looking costumes + grey. Not to be TOTALLY down on the idea of another Oliver Twist reboot, because we haven’t had one in like six GD years or whatever, “Please, sirs, I want some more Oliver Twist reboots” is what everyone is saying, basically, (booo), but it seems like this one is going to be so far removed from the actual story that I don’t even know why they’re wasting such a CLASSIC name on it. Here are better names for it:
- O-fans
- We The Streets
- Smurf & Turf
- @CharlieDick And The Streets
- Gonna Run This Town 2nite: Orphans
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It Was the Worst of Times.
Rewrite: It Was the Blurst of Times.
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Also, Bleak understanding of how to use strikethroughs. Ooof, lilb. Back to sleepytimes for you!
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Holmes for the Holidays.
Please, Hollywood, may I have some more adaptations?
In this case, nobody ever DID ask for more.
The Artless Dodger
A tale of two shitty remakes
Nicholas Nickleby and Norah’s Infinite Play Lorry
Whoa. I finished Oliver Twist (the book) LAST NIGHT. What a crazy world we live in!
Also, they shouldn’t make this movie because the book, Oliver! (1968), and Oliver and Company are all great and we should just leave it at that.
The Haunted Man and the Paranormal Activity 3′s Bargain
David Copperfield: This time, yes the Magician.
Newsies.
(sorry, she just looks like a newsie in that cap)
DJ Dave Copperfield. Swag Expectations.
Also my undying LOVE for Ashley Greene makes me feel so BAD about this. I LOVE HER I’M DYING.
Also I’m weirdly excited that her name is in a Vgum headline? WORLDS HAD BEEN COLLIDING.
What is a highly trained street urchin?
Who is training these street urchins?
WHAT ARE THEY TRAINED IN?
Hopefully they will be trained in dancing.
“It’s our time!” – orphans dressed in stylish rags
If they are urchins highly trained in Doing the Urkel, I’m in!
- Barnaby Rudge: Vampire Hunter (starring Ryan Gosling)
- Our Mutual Idiot Brother
- The Totally Not Bummer Summer of Edwin Drood
- Dombey & Son Drive Angry
- Nicholas Nickleby: Vampire Hunter (starring Ryan Gosling)
Pickwick Club (starring Brad Pitt and Edward Norton)
19 year old highly trained street urchins? Great, another show about hipsters.
Gr8 Xpektayshuns
Dummy & Son: Derp!
The Old Bi-Curiosity Shop
Little Dorito: Hella Crunch Behind Barz
So scanning over this, “Smurf & Turf” and “@CharlieDick And The Streets” ran together so that I thought I saw something about Smurfdick. SIGH.