Oprah opened up yesterday’s show, featuring Brad PItt and Cate Blanchett, to webcam questions, and this webcam question disaster happened when your girlfriend (of 17 years) wouldn’t stop pestering Brad, in full-on Misery-Voice, about his stupid tattoos:

The Huffington Post reports on a few of Pitt’s tattoos: the “one on his tummy” to where Christina didn’t want him to “make (her) go” is Angelina’s birthday in Kmer (because in Tattoo Land, other languages mean more when written on one’s body than one’s own language — nobody knows why.) And though it would be wonderful if “Ice-Man” were just Christina’s personal nickname for one of Brad’s tattoos, or, even better, Val Kilmer as Ice Man from Top Gun (with volleyball), it’s apparently of a mummy found in the ice in 1991. Because that’s normal. On second thought, the question of Who Is Crazier here, Brad Pitt or Christina from Ontario, is TBD.