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Regis Philbin, the man who no one dislikes, announced in January that he would be retiring from Live! With Regis and Kelly sometime later this year. It was a devastating announcement that in NO WAY prepared anyone for the news he announced today — that his last episode would air on November 18th! Ahhhh! Noooooooo! That is so soon! Give a person some warning! He even announced it with a charming joke!:
There is a time that everything must come to an end for certain people on camera, especially certain old people. Last January I made the announcement that I’ll be moving on, but I never gave you an exact date. So I’m pushing it back five years. Just kidding.
Boooo, never leave, die in the chair! DIE IN THE CHAIR! He also said they’ll be searching for a new cohost in the same way they searched for a new one after Kathie Lee left eleven years ago, by trying out different ones on air or whatever. You remember. Live! goes on.™ The obvious question is which charming Hollywood gentleman should replace Regis, but as far as I’m concerned there are only three options: Anderson Cooper, who already has his own stupid show; Mark Consuelos, who would be perfect enough; or Birdie, who is a dog. Maybe just rotate those three and get Mark Consuelos to fill in for Anderson on Anderson’s show when he’s busy on the Kelly show? Oh, another option would be me to cohost. Live! with Kelly and Kelly. And we could have a bit where we argue over which one is listed first, it would be very endearing. So those are the options for that. The more pressing question, I think, is what is Regis going to do now that he’s retired from Live! but not from entertainment in general. Sooooooo…
- New head of the Mexican cartel on Breaking Bad, and he murders Gus.
- Host a game show about jokes. Like he gives you the setup and you have to pick one of four punch lines and if you pick the funniest one enough times you win a million dollars? Needs work but a good start.
- Permanent addition to the Community study group, always wears a suit.
- Voice of a cartoon version of a talk show, kind of like Space Ghost if that’s what I vaguely remember it being. He’s a cartoon Regis and interviews cartoon versions of celebrities AND ALSO actual cartoons. This is a good idea no one steal it, I’ve already mailed it to myself in an envelope.
- Zooey Deschanel’s boyfriend on New Girl.
- A show about a retirement home that becomes a skatepark at night, where all the old people are very good skateboarders but they don’t want their children to know because of how dangerous it is, and then in one episode Regis gets seriously injured and has to decide whether to tell the truth and save his own life or not tell the truth and save the skatepark. (He doesn’t tell the truth, lives, and also saves the skatepark.)
- Regis is a future version of Don Draper in a flash-forward scene.
- In a reboot of Twilight Zone, Regis is Rod Serling. But it’s all done on film with old-timey looking actors and sets and great writers and it’s actually VERY good, even though everyone had the lowest hopes.
- Regis does like a Mystery Science Theater 3000 type show, but with Live! and whoever the new cohost is.
- Regis and Vincent Gallo do a food show together.
Hollywood is his oyster, I can’t wait to see what he does next!
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Live With Kelly and Paula Deen. The executives weren’t initially convinced of that idea, but Paula managed to butter them up pretty well.
Old Yeller staring Regis as the dog
Regis is the new mayor of Pawnee on Parks and Rec and no one likes him because he won’t share the Werther’s on his desk in his office.
I like the idea that Regis has some hard candy on him wherever he goes
Yeah, but the Werther’s always stays in his pocket. He keeps ribbon candy on his desk. Come on, Nightmare, get it together!
!!!! New York Magazine Agrees !!!!
http://nymag.com/arts/all/approvalmatrix/approval-matrix-2011-9-19/
You’re famous, “a commenter on Videogum!”
I think I know the man for the job.
Regis Philo Dough. I smell a bread people submission
http://breadpeople.tumblr.com/
Isn’t there still one more Kardashian sister that needs to be married off?
There’s actually three (legality aside).
What is this? Joke thief!
(Meant to be a reply to myself, Brandon Walsh. God I hate Facebook Connect.)
I like it because it lets us learn SECRETS. For instance, did you know Facebook Connect cause Steve Winwood to accidentally reveal his true identity as Steve Winwood?
On the downside, it also revealed that he was back in the high life again. The intervention was for naught!
Associate Videogum Editor?
damfinecupofcoffee Videogum commenter???
Not to replace you…in addition to you! I would never vote to replace KELLY!
I retract my suggestion and agree very much with your suggestion.
The name of that Joke Game Show is definitely “Who crossed the road? And Why?!”
You’re welcome!
Also the name of the Skateboard show is “Grinding Geezers.” You’re welcome!
Also the name of the cooking show is “Buffalo Chicken 66″ but you’re not welcome because how obvious is it?
Please don’t let Andy Cohen be his replacement
I think the Regis, Kelly (VG Kelly, not Live! Kelly. Although I am not doubting that Kelly is alive. Unless she isn’t? Maybe VG has a very progressive zombie employment policy. Having never read the new employee manual, I cannot say for sure), Gabe, and Birdie should start the new A-Team. Gabe, being the eldest, can be Hannibal. Regis can be Face. Birdie would probably be Murdock, since birds fly and he flew so no duh, and Kelly would be B.A. because I imagine that being a zombie might give one a bad attitude.
Make it happen, people.
Didn’t they actually have a very similar game show on a SNL sketch a million years ago when Jerry Seinfeld was the host? Pretty sure they did!
SNL more like SNALL the good ideas.
Wait, do some people actually not like Regis Philbin? I’m being serious.
I’m almost positive that no one doesn’t like him, unless for some reason Gabe doesn’t.
Another great Kelly post. Kelly, never stop doing Kelly posts. They are always great.
Her Gabe posts are pretty good too.
Regis for President!
Wait – got another one Oprah and Regis – Steel Cage Death Match!
Two Hosts enter, One Host Leave!
I always thought Regis would outlast LIVE! Kelly. Eh, I guess it turns out Regis was the weakest Link, goodbye.