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Remember how saved that woman’s life on 9/11 by not hitting her with her Mercedes SUV? Well, at the Venice Film Festival this week, Gwyneth herself finally had an opportunity to share her own account of that fateful encounter, as reported by Reuters. It all starts out with an early yoga class, OBVIOUSLY, and Gwyneth Paltrow herself cannot help but echo the whole Sliding Doors thing, and then this:
“It was an extraordinary story and all I could think about is all of the people who had experiences like that that day, but aren’t able to reach out because it wasn’t a recognizable person,” said the 38-year-old Oscar winner.
“She saw it was me so she was able to get me a message, but I think a lot of fates were changed that day obviously and I am very humbly happy to be a part in her story.”
What is this dark magic?! Somehow, even when Gwyneth Paltrow is trying to be humble and self-effacing it comes off as completely egomaniacal, disconnected, and insane. Like, OK, she got this letter, and frankly she probably should have just KEPT HER MOUTH SHUT, she “humbly” suggests that there are just millions of people out there wishing they could write crackpot SLIDING DOORS letters to all of the people who DIDN’T HIT THEM WITH THEIR MERCEDES SUVS but they are sadly unable to because the drivers of those Mercedes SUVs weren’t “recognizable” people. What? There is also this a really disgusting undercurrent throughout this whole story that no one seems to be talking about, which is the implied suggestion that FATE and possibly even GOD wanted this woman to almost but not quite get hit by Gwyneth’s Mercedes SUV so that she would not be killed in the twin towers, but that She or He didn’t give a FUUUUUUU about the 3,000 people who actually did die that day. Very dope story about how special you guys are. Life #swag. Sorry, dead-o’s! (Thanks for the tip, Zoe.)
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I was unemployed when 9/11 happened. I’ve spent the last ten years writing letters to every employer in Manhattan, thanking them for not hiring me and putting me in harm’s way.
I used to work from 1-9 p.m. making websites for a newspaper as the paper was being printed. I lost that job after 9/11. Best hours ever.
#neverforget
“I can’t help but think that United 93 would have made more money at the box office if there had been a recognizable person in the movie.” — Gwyneth Paltrow
“I believe that if I was driving a Pontiac SUV, I wouldn’t have been able to save that woman’ life.” -Gwyneth Paltrow
WOMAN’S* life. #grammargum
“It was an extraordinary story and all I could think about is all of the people who had experiences like that that day, but aren’t able to reach out because it wasn’t a recognizable person,” – Guy in movie theatre with Paul Reubens
Gwyneth pitches Law & Order: Mercedes SUV to NBC.
L&O:MSUV:NTSF:GOOP?
Gwyneth Paltrow’s Creator (Paltrow’s a character, if she was real then I am scared what this means for humanity) has done an impressive piece of performance art up to this point, but is starting to lose the thread a little. We all know Remember Me was an inspiring film, but that doesn’t mean YOU can insert a 9/11 reference as tastefully as that did, Gwyneth Paltrow’s Creator. And that line about being “humbly happy”? No, you cannot have you character refer to themselves as humble. Show don’t tell, Gwyneth Paltrow’s Creator. You are losing your touch
“She said she and the woman did “this stop-start thing” for a time and began to laugh before the woman finally went on her way.”
She added, “By which I mean every time she started I pounded on the gas and made her jump back. That must have gone on for 10 minutes, at which point I was laughing so hard at that jaywalking bitch that I couldn’t even see through my tears and so she managed to get across the street.”
“It would be the last real, truly-innocent laugh in the history of America,” Gwenyth cooed, her eyes shut in a smug way that words cannot describe.
I know Gwyneth apologists aren’t welcome ’round these parts, but I don’t see anything wrong with her story. I mean I’m sure *she* didn’t bring it up in the interview, and she seems very down to earth about it.
More like backstage-boo-thy!! Because booing. Just kidding, though, you’re entitled to your opinion, and I love you.
let’s be honest, though. If that was facetaco’s comment, it would have already been downvoted to oblivion and way beyond
diiiiiiiid you ever know that you’re my heeeeeeeeeeeerrrrroooooooooooooooo
“im so fortunate to be a recognizable person that almost hit a woman on the most tragic day in America’s history. because if it was September 10th, she would only have a dumb story about almost being runover by a celebrity. Thankfully by matter of coincidence, she can project her own beliefs in fate, and I can be smug and self-satisfactory through the guise of humility” – next week’s GOOP letter from the editor
Speaking of Gwyneth, I keep finding the crazy-huge cast of CONTAGION to be interesting and befuddling (like, why are all these people in this movie together?!), and then i finally found out Soderbergh is directing it and then it all made a bit more sense.
It’s also sad news for any Soderbergh film fans that he has two more film commitments and then he’s retiring from film.
“i never tire of these posts” – courtney stodden