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Guys, if I may pull back the curtain for a moment: summer is a rough time for blogs and August is the worst of it. This is not a cool thing to complain or even talk about because a) who cares and b) this is the world’s tiniest violin playing “Shut Up, You Stupid Blogs!” The point is: OOF. And it’s not just because nothing really happens in the summer as everyone is off busy being a Talented Mr. Ripley on their yacht somewhere, although that’s a big part of it, but it’s also because summer somehow throws into relief how beside the point the Internet can be sometimes. Like, sure, it’s great, and without it we probably wouldn’t even know what Words With Friends is, but at the end of the day life is still for the living, and it turns out that when the sun is shining and you can have a lemonade on a porch somewhere, or whatever, the appeal of a dog riding a skateboard on a trampoline with a firecracker in its butt loses a certain appeal. Which is correct! That is how it should be! If anything, it should be like that most of the time, not even just summer. We gotta get offa this thing sometimes, right? But, after this holiday weekend, though, it will be BACK 3 BUSINESS. So enjoy it, please. Seriously. Get some rest, you look tired. Sit on a beach, or go to a museum, or catch up on back issues of Utne Reader, or do whatever it is to you that is the most fun and relaxing, and then come back on Tuesday and let’s grind it out. Let’s just really get into it. What do you say? Deal? Deal.
After the jump, the five Highest Rated comments, as voted on by you, the Lowest Rated comment, the winner of the Angelina Jolie Vanity Fair Photoshoot Contest, and the Editor’s and Associate Editor’s Choice.
This Week’s Highest Rated Comments
| #5 |  |
Kelly | Aug 30th | Score:53 |
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More sand |
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| Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: Angelina Jolie Vanity Fair Photoshoot | |||
| #4 |  |
topknot | Sep 1st | Score:56 |
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“Suddenly I don’t seem so bad, do I?” -Gwyneth Paltrow |
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| Posted in: Rick Santorum Fails To Rest His Case | |||
| #3 | |
Kelly | Sep 1st | Score:64 |
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Kelly posts are recognizable. You take her name off it, you’re like, “That’s a Gabe post.” #facetaco |
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| Posted in: What Is Wrong With Kevin Smith? | |||
| #2 | |
topknot | Aug 30th | Score:108 |
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“Don’t ever cross me.” |
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| Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: Angelina Jolie Vanity Fair Photoshoot | |||
| #1 |  |
whatthewhatjunior | Aug 30th | Score:133 |
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“You’re adopted.” |
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| Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: Angelina Jolie Vanity Fair Photoshoot | |||
[Assoc. Ed. Note: Obviously, this is a huge honor for me. I didn't expect this at all. I have a few people I wrote down, just so I wouldn't forget anyone. I'd like to thank Gabe Delahaye, Birdie, Scott Lapatine, Amrit Singh, my mom and dad, my brothers Packy and Thomas, my REAL friends, anyone who tried to keep me down because they just made me work even harder, God, Jesus, and of course all of the Monsters. I wouldn't be here without you guys, you really mean a lot to me. Oh also congratulations to whatthewhatjunior and topknot.]
This Week’s Lowest Rated Comment
| #1 |  |
JetAwesome | Aug 30th | Score:-29 |
| “I swear to God, I swear to fucking God. Don’t make me beat the shit out of you. No, don’t cry. Don’t let them see you cry or you’ll spend tonight in the closet. Shut it. Shut it. That’s it, I’m sending you back and taking this white kid. She farts balloons for Christ’s sake.” | |||
| Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: Angelina Jolie Vanity Fair Photoshoot | |||
[Assoc. Ed. Note: Haha, oh no. This is unfortunate because usually the lowest rated is someone we can get together and collectively dislike, but I remember many times in the past where I have LIKED JetAwesome. Oh well. On all our shit lists forever, goodbye! NO I'M JUST KIDDING. Come back. This comment was just a bit rough I think. I did a rewrite for you, see what you think: "Unfortunately I'm going to have to go with the white one. She farts balloons." Take it from me, I was in top rated comments twice this week.]
This Week’s Caption Contest Winner
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whatthewhatjunior | Aug 30th | Score:133 | |
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“You’re adopted.” |
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| Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: Angelina Jolie Vanity Fair Photoshoot | |||
[Ed. Note: Congratulations, whatthewhatjunior! You earned it.]
This Week’s Associate Editor’s Choice
[Assoc. Ed. Note: See below.]
This Week’s Editor’s Choice
[Ed. Note: Every once in awhile, usually on a holiday, when we are flush with the contentment of brotherhood, generosity, and an extra day off, we opt out of selecting comments for the Editor's Choice. You might say that this is laziness, we say that it is goodwill and friendship. (It's mostly laziness, but GET OFF OUR BACKS.) The point is: Labor Day isn't a time for competition and self-congratulation. It's a time for...uh...wait, what is Labor Day a time for? I have literally no idea what the hell Labor Day is. Well, whatever it is, it's certainly NO TIME TO ARGUE. So let's just enjoy this brief, loving and respectful reprieve from the constant status-ing and judging that makes up so much of our lives. Right? Hugs.]
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http://tinychat.com/videogum
Pop quiz hot shot: there is a troll on your blog. If your comment gets 55 upvotes, the troll is armed. If you get less than 55 downvotes, the troll explodes. What do you do? What … do… you… dooooooo?
I would defuse the bomb using well-placed Alison Brie gifs.
http://coedmagazine.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/2vadw.gif?w=312&h=176
You see? Defused!
BUT WHAT IF THE URL GETS MESSED UP?
It’s ok. The url does not always get messed up.
Hot!
I would hug the shit out of each and every one of you. FIGURATIVELY. Have a great long weekend monsters.
I’m constipated, so how about doing it LITERALLY.
It looks like this godsdog got downvoted because
-Shades on-
He’s logged in.
Yeeeeeah!!!
So I have always had the problem with Videogum where I would ask the log in to remember me and it never would. I don’t know what I did to offend it but it always forgot me. Maybe the log in has the mental condition from Memento? I do not know.
Anyway, from about this week, every time I go on Videogum, I instantly get connected to Facebook. So Videogum remembers my Facebook but not my… Videogum? Good work Mark Zuckerberg! I liked you in Zombieland. But anyway, from now on, instead of being a robotic butler, I am going to be a small man in a cheap suit playing a guitar that cost more than the suit #priorities.
“We don’t care”
~ Videogum
“You’re adopted”
~The Facebook account formerly known as Capu Flapu
Did you enter the contest last week? If yes, that is your problem. Try this:
Log on as CapuFlapu. When the popup appears asking if you’d like to post the comment on facebook also, say yes. Then go do facebook, where the comment is now on your wall. Click on the “X” to delete the comment. It should then ask/tell you that the videogum app is being deleted. That should ibreak the elink between the two sites. (It may be necessary to unLike VG’s FR page as well/first, but I’m not sure).
Good luck.
You could also go to your profile’s Account Settings page on facebook, click the Application tab on the left, and then the “remove” button next to the Videogum app.
Kelly you show them how it’s DONE!
Yeah, great job Kelly. Maybe if YOU weren’t all the ball, I could have had a spot.
I mean, come on, “more Sand” ?? fer crying out loud.
MORE SAND WAS GENIUS
Yes, it was.
I didn’t get it. I assume it was a reference to something?
Hey, quick question: did anyone go to a high school that would have allowed that top?
Topknot, the new King of Videogum.
Thanks Chris Trash, I really appreciate it, but now I feel overrated and one thing Videogummers hate is things that are overrated. Let me be the first to start the backlash:
Topknot sucks, I saw him adding Sliding Doors to his netflix queue, Goop-loving a-hole.
Topknot unironically likes Twilight.
Topknot made a long pointless reply comment with a GIF, what a V for Vgummer…. and so forth.
Team Jacob or Team Edward?
Oh, yeesh, hey, sorry you guys. My bad, I’ll just try harder next time (or not try as hard? Maybe? Yeah).
Anyway, it’s Labor Day! Bon Weekend!
Oh, wait, shit, you guys! I made it into the Monster’s Ball. Time to pull out this number.
I see what you did there.
What! My first ever Monster’s Ball! Since I’m neither an actor nor an athlete and I’m pretty sure there’s no such thing as a spelling bee for grownups (IS THERE?), I consider this to be the highest award I can ever hope to receive as an adult. I’m printing out this page and hanging it on the fridge. Thanks, everybody!!!
I think there was someone VERY CRUCIAL TO YOUR SUCCESS that you forgot to thank…
I thanked Packy!
No one has started the dance party yet? Do I have to do EVERYTHING around here?!
In honor of his new reality show about jorts:
Oh man, you guys. I was really worried I was going to get lowest rated comment this week. Consider my holiday weekend saved.
“I have literally no idea what the hell Labor Day is.”
That’s because you do literally no labor.