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“We’ve all heard of Snakes on a Plane but what about snakes in your pants? And this was no movie.” IS THERE A NOBEL PRIZE FOR NEWS?!
“There’s a great joke in there, but this is a family show.” Uh, no, there’s not a great joke in there. There are only terrible jokes in there. And this is not “a family show,” this is the fucking NEWS. Goddamnit, news. Come on. You’re killin’ me here, news. (Via BuzzFeed.)
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“There’s a great joke in there – Knock Knock”
“Oh, uh…okay, Who’s there?”
“Snakes. Snakes in this guy’s pants!”
“What? Uh oh, okay, uhhh Snake in this guy’s pants who?”
“Snakes in this guys pants on a plane! Starring Samuel Jackson! Ha! Hahahahaha”
Professional Journalism.
I think the news anchor just signed into the comments page of the news report to get all his penis jokes out
“Evidently he had a smaller-than-average penis and wished to compensate for his shortcomings, resulting in hilarity. B’haw!” – OscarWilde999
“I’d love to make some jokes about a 22-year-old thief having a mass of writhing, wiggling, nightmare penises, but this is a family show.”
“No dick jokes on this show, Donna. Bunch of fuckin kids watchin!”
“This is a family 4 a.m. news broadcast, dammit!”
“Uh, no, there’s not a great joke in there. There are only terrible jokes in there”
Obviously you had not thought of;
SNAKE AND GAY!
Dear Videogum
I think there may be a problem with the rating mechanism, as it seems not everyone’s upvotes for this joke have registered.
as the clicheed news network tagline goes – and i’m paraphrasing here – “We don’t give you the dick jokes you want. We give the dick jokes you NEED.”
“We report the dick jokes, you decide to wacth another channel.”
“It’s looks like there’s some monkey-fighting snakes in that guy’s Monday-to-Friday pants. Haha, no kids, we’re not Samuel L. Jackson. We’re the News.” -the News
My cousin was killed by a snake in his pants, so thank you, ABC news, for not making light of the matter. When it comes to snakes in the pants, there are no winners. Only victims.
And muthafuckin’ snakes.
“‘We’ve all heard of snakes but what about PUTTING SNAKES IN YOUR POCKETS?’ Hmm, not bad, but it could use some punching up. Get that intern in here!”
But we’re still waiting to hear from the OED on the tru definition of “joke.” There could very well be a great “joke” in there.
Every story I tell will now fit into the above format and end with “and this was no movie!”
“Now, we’ve all heard of Snakes on a Plane, but you’ll never guess who I ran into at the supermarket…”
Snakes in pants!? More like snakes in shorts!!!
oops forgot to add: Amiright?!
Now that’s what I call unarmed robbery!
And now for our top story tonight. Well, a local pet store manager says a customer came completely unhinged and began pocketing live animals: snakes!
You’ve heard of ‘Hot Tub Time Machine’ but what if you found yourself in a Hot Tub DEATH MACHINE? More at 11:00.
All my upvotes.
Or at least as many as will fit in your pockets.
“All the snake that’ll fit in your pants.”