Photos
Ashley Lohan’s mother, Dina Lohan (Fun Fact: Dina Lohan was the original inspiration for “Mother of the Year” mousepads! True! Probably!) is trying to produce a movie, and it just sounds really great. From TMZ:
TMZ has obtained a copy of the business plan Dina’s sending to prospective financiers — asking for a grand total of $5.28 million to shoot an R-rated film called “Growing Defiant” — which takes “a hard look at the social pressures that can lead a kid in the wrong direction.” Hmmm.
According to the business plan, the actors she’ll go after include Dakota Fanning, Selena Gomez, Michael Cera, James Gandolfini, Susan Sarandon, Tina Fey, Amanda Seyfried, Hayden Panettiere, Emma Stone, and Mila Kunis … oh, and Michael Lohan, Jr. in the starring role of a heroin addict. Now here’s the best part. There’s an asterisk at the bottom of the plan, which reads, “The cast listed above is a suggested cast list only. Michael Lohan is the only cast member who has been signed.”
Hahaha. Is this what Project Greenlight is about? Look, no one is saying that Dina Lohan doesn’t know what it is like to watch teenagers do heroin. No one is saying that she doesn’t have FIRST HAND experience seeing teenagers doing tons of heroin right under their parents’ noses. But, also, WHAT IS THIS DREAM CAST? Why does she even want Tina Fey and Michael Cera in her hard-hitting after-school-special? Selena Gomez, SURE, but what, no Chris Kattan?! Well, I’m sure all of our questions will be answered on opening night when we can’t even get tickets because it’s sold out everywhere and the line is around the world.
 |
 |
Hey Lindsay and Ali, did you know you have a sister named Ashley?
Hi guys,
I’m producing a movie about a guy who has a terminal disease and the only way to find a cure is that he has to furiously make out with as many beautiful women as possible. The projected cast list:
-Christina Hendricks
- Emma Stone
- Mila Kunis
- Salma Hayek
- Natalie Portman
- Kate Winslet
- The blond girl from 30 Rock
- The checkout girl at Empire Discs on Long Island circa 1999
- Joyce Hyser from “Just One of the Guys”
- Frank Lloyd Wrong
The cast listed above is a suggested cast list only. Frank Lloyd Wrong is the only cast member who has been signed.
You forgot Catherine Zeta Jones circa Mask of Zorro
“You forgot Lindsey Lohan.” – Dina Lohan
you forgot me
Don’t get me wrong. It’s not like I’ve never had sex before; I’ve had lots of sex. It’s just that now I’d like to try it with a partner.
I see the campaign to replace Michael Cera with Jessie Eisenberg hasn’t reached Dina Lohan yet.
NOOOOO! Help us end these situations, sign this important petition today. Sorry for the spam-o , but which side of history do you want to stand in?
Yup. This will be about those normal social pressures that make teens defiant. Like when their mother decides they should become rich and famous before they’re old enough to cross the street unchaperoned. Relatable stuff.
A serial killer targets unsupervised children crossing the street in a series of hit-and-runs. Call it Look Both Ways #hollywoodpostitnote
Then Will and Jada’s kids should be FIRST in line for this project! Because they’re going to be totally normal. (note the intense sarcasm)
Tagline – Do you Believe in Teenagers?
“Get mothered.”
Haha, Emma Stone? Is she going to be there to show how Lindsay’s life would have turned out with better parenting?
I wonder how Jim Carey will handle this..with another movie on the schedule, Emma will be a lot less available for, you know, making that love.
I wonder if Michael Lohan Jr. has gone method yet.
That was good but I’d like to see more nude Tayne.
Sadly that is not suitable for work. This guy knows what I’m talking about:
Sue your mom, Lindsay!
“If we can’t get Michael Cera for the role of the brother we’ll just go with tour second option: James Gandolfini.”
INT. DAY – SUBURBAN HOUSE. KITCHEN.
L̶I̶N̶D̶S̶A̶Y̶ ̶L̶O̶H̶A̶N̶ [to obv.] MINDY LOGAN
MMMM. I love heroin
goddamn strikethrough….ugh. i suck at the internet.
According to the business plan, the actors she’ll go after include IMDB.
Maybe she thinks getting movie funding is like getting an SBA loan, you have a better chance of getting funding if you work on something you have direct experience with.
Oh who am I kidding, she’s not that bright.
Joe Jackson should audition for this. I have a feeling he knows a little somethin’ somethin’ about being a negligent fame hungry greedy abusive monster parent.