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The fight over the Republican nomination for the 2012 presidential election heats up as the candidates struggle to differentiate themselves from each other in a crowded and divisive field. Hurricane season has begun. Katy Perry has the number one song in America with “T.G.I.G.” Newshounds obsess over minute-by-minute updates on the status of the LIbyan uprising and the fate of Col. Muammar el-Qaddafi. A televised roast of Charlie Sheen is still considered “entertainment” even at this late, post-cultural stage. David Letterman receives and responds to death threats. All jeans on sale. Label Missoni prepares a line of affordable designs for Target stores. The word “cassette player” is removed from the dictionary. The stock market continues to fluctuate erratically as global investors face newfound concerns about the economy. Mayor Rahm Emanuel reflects on his first 100 days in office. The New York Times publishes a recipe for Vitello Tonnato that looks very good. As the last days of summer sprint by, people are still able to stop and appreciate them while they are still here. Oh, and the September 2011 Architectural Digest cover story couple and parents of Willow and Jaden Smith BROKE UP.
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“In West Philadelphia, born and raised, eventually I grew up and got divorced.”–Will Smith’s next sitcom, based on his own experiences about getting back on the dating scene!
Bad jokes aside, it’s always kinda sad when a marriage fails. Even if their kids are nightmare Hollywood mutant Jr.’s, they still have to deal with their parents’ divorce and that’s hard to laugh at.
But we’ll find a way, right?
Is it? Sad, I mean? What’s the worst case scenario, here?
Willow and Jaden, emotionally wounded by the divorce, maybe start to question whether they really want to be like their horrible parents. Maybe they realize that their parents are fallible and that they don’t always make the best decisions, that maybe they haven’t always made the best decisions about their children, either.
I think the worst case scenario is actually the one that seems most realistic, that this is all an unsubstantiated rumour and that those horrible people are going to stay exactly as they are.
Talk to you later, Livejournal.
Mancomb
“You’re moving in with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air.”
-Will Smith, to Willow and Jaden
Oh, man. Really? I’m just going to curl up into a ball and play my copy of Parents Just Don’t Understand in my cass…um…tape deck.
“Thank God It’s Gabe!”
Is this just publicity for a Kramer vs. Kramer remake?
“First The Smiths and now The Smiths? I hate my life.” — A disappointed fan of The Smiths, who only gravitated towards The Smiths as a distraction after his original love, The Smiths, broke up 24 years ago.
My world has just been rocked! I thought Will and Jada would <3 each other 4eva!
I am going to print this off and give it to future nephew and/or niecetables to explain what the world was like before it was covered in water and we had to drink our own pee.
Another thing I plan on doing is, when I die, leaving them a safety deposit box filled with various passports, world currencies, and a gun. Maybe a map, I have not decided if that is overkill or not.
You’re already helping them out quite a bit, so maybe you should fuck with them by leaving a map of Middle Earth.
“Save Tom Bombadil, Save the world” – my final message
Will Smith’s Divorce already has a 3 movie deal at 20th Century Fox and a guest spot on the next season of HawthoRNe.
And it’s my birthday. So you aren’t the only West Philadelphian born and raised who also happens to have big ears making news today Will Smith, you spotlight hogging bastard.
Wives just don’t understand.
I whip my joint custody back and forth.
Do you think they will refuse to talk to the children with their ex’s names? “I’m sorry, Jaden, you have my wife’s name and face, and I just can’t look at you the same way anymore.”
it’s a shame scientologists don’t believe in therapy, they probably could’ve worked things out.
You’re being glib, explainer guy. I know the history of psychology.
–liltomcruiseytables
“Fucking bullshit!!”
-Chicago mayor Rahm Emmanuel on his first 100 days in office
But where are the corresponding blind items…show me the corresponding blind items!
I honestly hope this came about because one of them disapproved of the other’s stage parenting (I don’t really know who pushed the kids more) and couldn’t take it anymore. Even if you can realistically get your kids into show business, I’ve never understood why you’d want to fuck them up like that. Horrible, horrible parenting.
Yeah, but they don’t understand that.
Vitello Tonnato is delicious. Well done, NY Times.
You guys, this is BS. I just checked my dictionary and “cassette player” is still there.
whatever, dictionary 1.0. your dictionary doesn’t update via tweets by miriam webster himself (history fact miriam webster is not a person)? why don’t you try to call the 21st century on your rotary phone? (seriously though the day i got my first cassette player was the best day of my young life. r.i.p. cassette players.)
In retrospect I see that my alarm may have been mistaken for a joke, so I’m glad Ryan Van Dyke was here to clarify by explaining how books work.
my number one hobby is explaining how books work. fortunately i found someone who clearly had no idea that it is time for books 2.0.
side note: phonograph is still in the dictionary, so i call shenanigans on taking cassette players out.
She was never as good as Jazzy Jeff anyway…
Whatever the reason for this split, the most important thing is for Willow and Jaden to think it’s their fault.
This is Will and Jada’s big chance to get out there and continue fucking other people.
Out of everything mentioned in this post the removal of ‘cassette player’ from the dictionary most interested and upset me. Just because we don’t use words anymore doesn’t mean we take them out of the dictionary, people! Almost no one says ‘verdant’ but it’s in there! Sheesh.
as long as ‘cassette’ and ‘player’ are in there separately i think we will be okay
“Poor guy must fuck like dogshit.” – Jazzy Jeff
Um, not to bemoan Gabe’s journalism but only one crappy tabloid is saying they broke up. The others are saying they did not. And I’m pretty sure In Touch gets sued at least two or three times a month for making stories up. Even the linked story says it’s probably not true.
I think the cassette player story is way sadder, and not just because the Smith children won’t be able to make each other mix tapes of the Smiths to help deal with their angst and frustration.
They’re just trying to get in touch with their inner “fucking liar” child
That’s a pretty good jeans sale.