lindsay: What should be the next live puppy feed?
gabe: uh oh
gabe: i never even considered that the live puppy feed
gabe: might go away
lindsay: uh oh
lindsay: puppies grow up, gabe
gabe: shut up
gabe: you don’t know
gabe: what you don’t know about puppies could fill a warehouse

lindsay: dead pig feed?
gabe: occam’s razor
gabe: dictates
gabe: more puppies
gabe: a feed with more puppies in it
gabe: or live kitten feed
lindsay: yeah, there are probably people out there right now dressing up their dogs in sexy outfits so they’ll get pregnant and they can have their own puppy feed.
lindsay: Bob Barker would be very disappointed.
lindsay: The live puppy feed is going to undo all his good work
gabe: i would like the court reporter
gabe: to play back the comment i made earlier
gabe: regarding a warehouse
lindsay: No, that’s how it works
lindsay: I watch animal planet
gabe: lindsay, i can’t believe i have to explain this to you
gabe: you’re 49 years old
gabe: santa rides in on a dragon and delivers the puppies in a glass of milk
gabe: we were really spoiled by the puppy feed
gabe: but i think that most people would totally accept
gabe: a live grown up dog feed
gabe: there’s an economic crisis right now, we’ve all got to make sacrifices
lindsay: No, no live grown up dog feeds
lindsay: for one, you can’t own 7 dogs
lindsay: they have to sell those dogs
lindsay: for two: who cares about other people’s grown up dogs
gabe: you would watch a grown dog feed
lindsay: other people’s grown up dogs are the other people’s dreams of the animal world
gabe: no way
gabe: grown up dogs are great

gabe: stop being such a cougar about dogs
lindsay: EWWWWWW
gabe: total coug
lindsay: you’re a, um
lindsay: what are younger guys called who like older women?
lindsay: nonexistent?
gabe: yeah
gabe: older women’s dreams
gabe: i think
lindsay: “characters in Angela Bassett movies?”
gabe: yes
gabe: something something Designing Women
gabe: look
gabe: a couple of times a week
lindsay: You want to help those grown up older dogs get their grooves back
gabe: i pass by a day kennel
gabe: with big windows
gabe: which are kind of like computer monitors
gabe: but in the real world
gabe: and those windows look in on the play pens for the dogs
gabe: and they split up the big dogs from the medium and small dogs
gabe: but none of them are puppies
gabe: and they are all CUTE
gabe: so you need to get over your dog ageism
gabe: becuase it’s a failed philosophy
lindsay: If I’m going to spend all day looking at something, I want it to be a puppy.
gabe: says the girl who posted this

gabe: you don’t even deserve the live puppy feed
lindsay: You want a live feed of her face
lindsay: no, of her eating ice cream
gabe: i already have a live feed of her face
gabe: it’s called chatting with you on IM all day
lindsay: awwww!
lindsay: that’s actually mean
gabe: what?
gabe: how is that mean?
lindsay: no it’s funny
lindsay: very funny
gabe: yes, lindsay, i genuinely think you are a vampire toothed fork tongued monster from jail
lindsay: hahahha
lindsay: from jail
gabe: now go cry
lindsay: where are you from?
lindsay: jail
gabe: outer jail
lindsay: leighton meester
gabe: a live feed of leighton meester? sure!
lindsay: EW!
lindsay: you don’t like famous women
gabe: leighton cam
lindsay: you have never liked a famous woman ever
lindsay: in my experience
gabe: no
gabe: famous women are gross
lindsay: I would like a George Clooney feed
gabe: i feel like talking to a famous woman is like talking to a publicist from a handbag company

gabe: no offense to publicists from handbag companies
lindsay: Sometimes I actually wonder “what is George Clooney doing right now?”
lindsay: Oh man, that is so true
lindsay: I don’t think I’ve ever met an actual publicist from a handbag company
gabe: no
lindsay: just assistant publicists
gabe: you have to use your imagination
lindsay: but I get the idea
gabe: but it’s not that hard
lindsay: that’s pretty perfect
gabe: it’s not like fighting the Great Nothing
lindsay: what is talking to a famous man like?
gabe: talking to a famous man is like talking to a guy who likes to fuck publicsts from handbag companies
lindsay: hahahaha
lindsay: in other words, patrick bateman
gabe: patrick bateman without the intrigue
gabe: patrick bateman without the intrigue and who is 5’4″
gabe: becuase they are all little Keebler Elves
gabe: i would watch a live puppy feed of any baby animal really
gabe: also, it’s just called a live puppy feed now
gabe: even if it’s not of puppies
gabe: that is the technical term for it
lindsay: yeah, like “A Live Puppy Feed Of Baby Lizards!”
gabe: ew, except baby lizards
lindsay: ARE CUTE
gabe: says the girl who posted this