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When you move to New York City, there are a lot of choices that you have to make. Like, what kind of clothes are you going to wear? How will you make money when you don’t have a job? Is it worth doing the math to figure out if you should buy a monthly metro card and do you feel confident that you can do that math accurately anyway? Should you even try to make friends or is everyone here probably the worst and maybe you’ll just go back to Philadelphia as often as you can? Will you get cable? Is it weird if you go to the same comedy show every week and never talk to anyone? All questions that everyone, no matter who you are, has to contend with. Another thing you have to decide is how bad you’re willing to accept your living conditions to be. This can be tough because there are a lot of pluses and minuses everywhere you go. (This is very helpful so far.) Take this example for example — Plus: It has a dishwasher. Minus: It is in the BEDROOM! Lololo. And other classic hilarious examples. But you know where the minuses really outweigh the pluses very clearly I don’t care how much you love the neighborhood you are being ridiculous? In this video.
This is not a place where this young man should be living. Very good use of space sure, but very terrible use of brain. “It’s like the whole CITY is my apartment,” is what I’m definitely sure he’s said so many times. But it’s not. As it turns out, nothing is your apartment. You live in a small storage compartment, just like lots of other people who also say the whole city is their apartment. Get a slightly more real apartment and then take some kind of transportation to your favorite whatevers. Or get roommates and don’t be an enormous baby about it. Be a human don’t be a BOOman. Boooooooooooooooooo. (Via LaughingSquid.)
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I’ll bet he eats cheese from a can, too.
facetaco, after watching most of this video and reading your comment towards the beginning, and now I’m reaching the end and I though of Elwood Blues. Then I thought, “”Has anyone made a ‘Did you get me my Cheez Wiz, boy?’ joke yet?”
I hit Ctl+F to see if anyone typed in cheese. It immediately brought me back to your comment, and then it hit me. “Nice!” I said aloud.
Then my brow furrowed when I saw you only had 3 upvotes.
And now, I MUST ask just because I want to be sure, that was a Blues Brothers reference, right?
LADIES?!?!?!?
He owns TOOLS, ladies, TOOLS!
Having a tiny apartment is the new constantly mentioning that you don’t even own a TV.
The first thing that popped into my head when I started watching this was “what’s the over/under on how long it takes him to mention that he doesn’t own a TV?”. Well done, sir.
No, it’s the new “I’m not on Twitter.”
If I had that apartment I would make sure to line it with like thirty televisions, mostly old/ not functional. Just to complete the picture of crazy.
Why are we doing this again? We just went bonkers for this guy’s apartment a couple of months ago, and now we’re doing round 2?
No, that was his girlfriend’s apartment.
She does yoga and makes her art in her tiny apartment.
If you won’t say, “this is where the magic happens,” you might as well not give me a tour of your home.
“This is where the tragic happens”
– His latest conquest
I actually asked a friend of mine that very question recently during an apartment tour and my roommate said that was “inappropriate”. I countered with, “ugh, didn’t you ever watch MTV Cribs?”
Sure I pay $875 a month but water’s included and I’m living my dream so BACK OFF, REDNECKS.
Water IS included. Also, it’s outside, down the hall, out of a bathroom, and shared with other self-deluding lonelyhearts.
Was I the only one surprised that his laptop wasn’t a Mac?
Let’s not Mac-bash, fajita mcjones. I understand there’s a “culture” associated with it, but I’m the farthest thing from hip and I’m an Apple devotee. But yes… I was also surprised it wasn’t a Mac.
Problems with Mac= Too many of them in the Village.
I almost made off with someone else’s Macbook charger from the Think on Mercer yesterday.
If not for my long-term relationship, it could have been the start of “When Harry Met Sally 2k naut deux 3D: Steve Job Boogaloo”
super cool adult with his super cool mobile.
Um, he’s on 46th and 9th. I live literally 3 blocks away from this guy. FURTHER from Times Square, so its a nicer, quieter block with a little park and no tourists. My girlfriend and I pay $875 each. $75 more than this guy pays for his hellhole. And we have, you know, a kitchen and bathroom and like, a lot of space? Two separate rooms so we can each do our own thing if we want!
I don’t understand these micro-apartment stories. This guy’s just a fucking moron who is being a martyr to be cool or something. Get a roommate, jackass. You can have a grown up fridge and everything! And still be “near all the action” or whatever.
I’ve seen some big apartments on that block for pretty cheap.
Like, this isn’t even a compromise he has to make just to say he lives in Midtown or Hell’s Kitchen. That’s what really throws me off. You don’t HAVE to live in Queens or Brooklyn to have a decent place. Sure you have to pay more to be in that neighborhood, but this is being taken advantage of. Unless he’s just super anti-roommate, I guess. But this seems really extreme, even for Manhattan.
Also, and genuinely no offense to you and your neighborhood choice, but when did that become the kind of neighborhood that was so desirable that you would make tremendous sacrifices to live there? Most people who work in the Times Square area run like hell to get away at the end of the day.
A lot of people say that to me, equating Hell’s Kitchen with Times Square, and that’s just not true. There is some kind of force field on 8th Ave that keeps tourists out. Unless I go past that, which I don’t often, I never see tourists.
HK has always been my favorite neighborhood. Lots of couples/settled down/not-young-and-only-here-to-party people, so you’re not generally surrounded by total idiots puking in the streets like you might in other neighborhoods. My building is us, a couple of old people and a ton of gay couples. It’s the quietest, cleanest non-luxury building I’ve ever seen in NY.
My favorite bars and some of my favorite restaurants are in HK. At the risk of sounding like a douche, lots of hip chefs have been investing in it over the last few years, so the restaurant scene is always developing. The streets are not (as) flooded with rats and roaches as the Lower East Side. It’s a 15 minute straight shot to work on a pretty deserted train every morning, and I’m by Port Authority, so visiting family in Jersey and Target runs are easy.
Living in Brooklyn, I’d have a 30-40 minute commute on a packed train, getting to the west side (and Jersey) would be a huge pain in the ass, getting home late at night would require a pricey cab ride and in a lot of areas, I’d be surrounded by some pretty damn annoying folk and establishments.
And also I don’t have to make any tremendous sacrifices to live there. Our apartment is a pretty big true 1 bedroom, nicely spaced out rooms (we can each watch TV without hearing eachother), in good shape and quiet for $1750 a month. Our block has anything we could ever need – a full grocery, gym, restaurants, Dunkin Donuts AND Starbucks, my favorite bar, laundry. The subway is a block away. My girlfriend was walking to work up until recently, so that’s $100 in MetroCards saved right there. How much would we really save compared to the benefit elsewhere?
Dan I feel like I know everything about you and the Hells Kitchen area.
I pay slightly more than you per month and I have a house with three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a huge finished basement, a 2.5 car garage and a fenced in yard. The only downside is that I have to spend my life hearing about how much better New York is than Chicago.
Well I have a lot of opinions! I just get a lot of people being like “gross” when they find out where I live or that whole “why would you live in Times Square when you can have WILLIAMSBURG!” and I’m like a) it’s not Times Square and b) there are a hundred reasons why.
Dan, we’re neighbors! The wife & I unfortunately live closer to the hell that is 8th Avenue, but every time we consider leaving (i.e. high tourist season), we remember how convenient and awesome our neighborhood and its residents are.
I feel the same way about this guy’s rent. It just doesn’t make sense. He’s clearly either seriously against roommates, he’s a sucker that was taken advantage of OR he thinks he’s being awesome. I’m going to go with the latter.
I want to know where he built the desk and the closet door? because it certainly wasn’t in 78 square feet. he should probably go live wherever he built that stuff…even if it is at the Home Depot.
Apartment?! … More like COMPARTMENT!!! Amiright?!
whatEVER he only pays $800/month!!!
PS on second read that sounds sarcastic! It is not! Apartments in the city cost more than that!
Not on a per-square-foot basis, they don’t.
On a per-having-a-single-place basis, like, maybe. I do have a roommate, I pay more than that, I work from home, I don’t live far from him. I also have many more square feet than that. But if that was my price range, and I was comfortable enough living there, then, hey! $800! Like, sure, maybe that’s not a great way to live for most people, but he seems content enough and puts work and thought into making himself more comfortable and hey let’s get off his nuts, internet.
That is not a great way to live for ANYONE. His nervouse laugh says it all. I am having a panic attack just looking at that prison cell.
Suddenly I am very happy I live in Harlem.
Am I the only one who was disturbed by the fact that his dishes are RIGHT ABOVE HIS SHOES in that closet thing? Gross.
Where does he toss the trash?
Ugh and he’s just so damn proud of yourself. Congratulations, you are overpaying for a tiny apartment just so you can say you live in NYC. We have a trophy for you but it doesn’t fit in your apartment.
proud of HIMSELF, I mean. Sorry, that video reminded me of being stuck in an elevator and I got all weirded out for a second.
it does look a lot nicer since he took down the drabby old wallpaper…it has a more “modern” feel, and it no longer smells like snozberries, and guests have stopped licking the wall.
We’re knocking him for not getting a roommate, but be honest: would you want to live with this guy?
Nailed it.
In his defense, he’s very neat.
In our defense, he eats “butter and cheese”.
I think he’d be a great roommate. You could get a properly-sized apartment and he could just live in the closet. Coz he’s a Real Genius.
True story: we had a guy sleep in my roommate’s closet for 2 months. But you know, we have a whole REGULAR apartment aside from said closet that included a bathroom, living room, kitchen, etc.
The fact that he makes eggs in his microwave is actually the LEAST weird thing about this guy.
when I worked at a bagel shop, we made the egg sandwiches in the microwave…so really he’s more like McDonalds than weird
In 2000, I was a sports reporter for a small weekly paper in eastern Kansas. I had a 200 sq-ft apartment that I paid $200 a month for, utilties included. The building used to be a morgue, and my room was where they would do autoposies.
where’s that video? that’s the video I want to see!
where’s the gif?
Many times in the first two minutes he says “if you will” and i just want to shout: NOPE I will not. Advice: Move to Astoria, make some friends, have those friends over and revel in your extra 400 square feet. Plus, its only thirty minutes to times square, which is your favorite place in the city…clearly.
that is one tricked out coffin
It is weird that the tour did not include the pipes from which he will ultimately hang himself.
He makes very efficient use of his space, only putting in what is truly necessary, like fucking galoshes.
And ONE orange.
I have to say this because it needs to be said: I love his accent, it’s great! moving on, i give him credit for making it look pretty livable, the dark strain DOES make the room look classier and also bigger. If I lived there, there would be clothes and shoes and books everywhere and you wouldn’t be able to see the top of any surface. So good on him for having Prussian-like neatness. But let’s all stop pretending this is a thing that should be happening. Yes of COURSE people live in smaller spaces with more people, but that is because they are dirt poor and can’t afford better. 800 a month could get him a nice sized bedroom and a nice apartment in many other parts of nyc. 800 dollars for that closet is ridiculous! Be kind to yourself, sir, this is not healthy.
True story: During a personal low, I lived with two lunatics. The guy got drunk every night and made a huge mess in the kitchen and broke stuff; the girl hated any belongings that weren’t hers and if she saw them in the living room she’d carry them into your bedroom and dump them on your pillow, e.g., if you took your shoes off by the door. But it was 2 blocks to Venice Beach and only $500! So I dealt, basically by becoming this guy. Super proud of how I engineered everything I owned into my tiny bedroom! I actually removed a closet door and hung a pirate flag in its place because there was no room to open the door. I called it “submarine living” because I have always been impressed by those old WWII subs you can tour, with how ingeniously they fit everything together. But, proud as I was of my engineering and minimalism, eventually it became depressing. Especially once a girlfriend (I had a girlfriend!) stopped visiting me because she hated it so much. So I moved, and I look back with a shudder. But here’s the thing: that crappy bedroom was TWICE the size of his whole compartment — and did I mention the living room and kitchen? Ugh.
Doh, I planned to make this story have a point, and accidentally clicked “submit” before figuring one out. Maybe next time I will have a point you guys! (don’t count on it.)
No offenso, but roommates that leave 10 pairs of shoes laying around the common living areas are assholes. Get a shoe basket or put it in your room!
Sincerely,
That girl
Cumulatively, in my life, I have owned maybe 10 pairs of shoes… Although to be fair, I DO still have them all, and I DO scatter them around the common area wherever I live. So I guess you’re right, you wouldn’t be an asshole at all if you dumped them on my pillow, especially without first saying, “Hey, do you mind not leaving shoes where I can see them,” and it DEFINITELY would be cool if you dumped them on my pillow while you yourself left your own vast shoe collection all over the place.
Also, if you really ARE my former roommate? It was especially awesome when you decided to run a candle-making business out of the common area and ordered 40 boxes of supplies on your parents’ credit card, stacked them so no one could see the TV, wouldn’t let anyone touch them, and then got wax on every available surface — but STILL freaked out because I left Ender’s Game on the coffee table. And your refusal to ever take out the garbage (which was mostly yours) because “that’s a man’s job”? Aces.
Hahaha no I was never that bad. I just have been on the other side of that situation before (and I may or may not have some slightly severe OCD cleaning problems). I lived with two guys and I would politely ask them to put their shoes away because they were always getting in the way. Never once did I put them on anyone’s pillow. If anything, I would put them on the floor or in their closet. Eventually we just took an old laundry basket and started putting them in there. However, one of the guys was a total drama queen about the shoes and was worried they would get all damaged in the basket. As if he didn’t walk around in them OUTSIDE on the dirty sidewalk.
tl;dr roommate drama. You would like living with me, I swear! I pay for the HBO!
“Yeah, my sneakers get beat up pretty bad in the ‘shoe basket,’ but there’s free HBO! I can’t move.” — me
So what is faircompanies.com anyway? Is it an online store that sells smugness?
“I’ll have a large order of humblebrag, please. Oh and could you ship it in cruelty-free, eco-friendly found fabric that floats on wind currents? Thanks.”
If you share a bathroom with three other people, you pretty much have three roommates.
Still no kitchen though.
“Is it weird if you go to the same comedy show every week and never talk to anyone?” I’m sorry, did Kelly or Jeb write this post?
I think this post would have proven less controversial if the guy had just sodomized a puppy or something.
WHO NEEDS AN OTTOMAN WHEN YOU HAVE A WALL (in front of your face!)??? DOY? DOUBLE DOY!!
But really, I love watching these space savers.
I lived in a three bedroom apartment in Harlem with six other people for $300 a month and had way more space than that guy. He needs to stop living like a refugee, send Tom Petty to talk to him.
Also, not to be gross but, could you imagine getting your tea water right after someone else has just spent 10mins stinking up the joint. You are getting your tea water while in someone elses stink. Could you imagine? DEAL BREAKER!
Anyone watch House Hunters on HGTV? I’d love to see someone tour an apartment of this size on the show! “Well I can deal with the lack of space, but I NEED granite countertops and stainless steel appliances. Let’s see the next apartment.”
He has a whole air conditioner for that tiny, tiny space! Polluter!
…and maybe it’s because I watched this silently (no sound at work!) but WHAT IS IN THAT ROOM ACROSS FROM THE COUCH! Is it Harry Potter?! TELL ME.
Ooh, and that’s how facebook reveals your secret identity. Awesome. This is why I can’t friend Clark Kent OR Superman on facebook. Booo, hissss.
Is this where we talk about bad apartments it is oh good!
For several years I lived at 574 7th street between 8th avenue and Prospect Park — it was a beautiful block with beautiful houses except for two of them which look like the house from Fight Club, and they were both owned by Gloria Trembicky who ran them with a hunchbacked man named Walter. They were both terrible (the houses and the people). They played the role of sweet Old Country immigrants who were trying to do everything they could do to help (I was hugged when I signed the lease), but they were mean as snakes. Terrible things included: the usual no heat, general electrical/upkeep problems, refusing to give back a deposit, then lying about how much of the deposit was owed to me, but also Walter coming in without knocking to dump something down the drain of my tub and once stealing mail and once Walter coming out of the basement and throwing a jar of what pretty much had to be pee at me (I think this was just bad timing on my part). I also had a major plumbing issue once every eight months.
One night I came home from work, and there was a broken toilet sitting on the landing outside my door. At the time I just thought, “Oh, that’s new,” because all of the alcoves in that building were stuffed with old sofas or halogen lamps or rolled up carpets or wood because THERE MIGHT BE ANOTHER WAR. Anyway, when I went into my apartment, it turned out that it was my toilet in the hall, which: I should have recognized it from the seat, which was painted a muddy gray color and had a big chip in it. In place of the toilet was a mound of cement. It took six days for them to do something about the toilet and when it was replaced, although the toilet proper was new, Walter screwed back in the original painted-over, chipped seat from the old toilet. I think this may have been one of the multiple times that she asked me to split the cost of the repairs.
There was a site for a while named after her (gone now, but on the internet archive) that chronicled tales of bad landlords. Anyway, if she’s still alive, don’t rent from her! She sucks!
your story was bigger than his apartment! HA! TL;DR! PSYCHE! plagiarist commenter, etc.
Oh my god I know someone who lived in that building a few years ago. I’ve heard all these Walter stories, including the jars of pee. I always thought she was kinda making some of that stuff up, but that’s crazy you’ve lived there too.
All right, 4 minutes in and i’m out …uh…he shares a bathroom? dealbreaker. I had a single in college and he is now living it. #gross. What is that door his bed blocks?? I really hoped THAT was the potty. Why do you have doors if they don’t lead to much bigger rooms beyond? RIGHT? In the end it turns out HIS room is the foyer! He and Bender can live happily TOGETHER.
“I’m a vegetarian so I don’t have to cook meat because the only thing that people cook is meat obviously.”
I don’t even need a shower, because I’m constantly weeping!
This really should have a ton more upvotes.
I think what bothers me the most is that he works from home – HE WORKS FROM HOME. There is no daily commute to justify (as if) his choice in living space. That would be the only semi-acceptable reason for this, and even then he should get a freaking roommate and live a normal life. He is batshit crazy.
His laugh is like a desperate cry for help, and every time he chuckles his soul escapes piece by piece.
On the plus side he seems very handy.
I really would love something like this appartment! It’s practical and c’mon everybody have you guys never heard of streaming TV through the Internet? I