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Man, there is nothing going on this week! “Summer is coming.” That is what the Starks say about this week. Before chopping off the Internet’s boring head. Naturally, when there isn’t much going on, my mind turns to the beloved Cathy comic strip and imagining what a live action movie adaptation would be like. It would probably be pretty great. So many hilarious scenes of Cathy having chocolate smeared all over her flustered face as CGI sweat shoots off of her head. ACK! Hahahha. ACK! ACK! I imagine the opening scene is just her getting ready for her day at the office and having a little bit of trouble fitting into her Banana Republic suit and one of those shots where she’s, like, struggling to put on a pump as she’s walking out the door. You know that scene? Where they lady is like stumbling a little bit because for some reason she cannot be bothered to just stop and put her shoe on like a human being? Actually, wait, no, that scene wouldn’t happen because naturally she would wear tennis shoes to the office and then we would see her switch them out with the pumps she keeps in the bottom drawer of her desk at the office where she works…wait for it…as a swimsuit designer (ironic new twist, Cathy 2.0). Meanwhile, an Alanis Morissette song plays in the background (doesn’t matter which one) and there’s a voiceover by Cathy who’s like “Working in the big city can get pretty crazy when you’re a single woman just trying to hold it together.” The plot would revolve around a magical wish that Cathy makes to a hilariously gay genie outside of a hot new restaurant in the meatpacking district to get a boyfriend and it will only be at the end that she realizes that you should be careful what you wish for and also that love was standing right in front of you the whole time and his name is Irving. (The sequel, Cathy 2: She’s Aaaa-aack!, takes place entirely in a Thai women’s prison after Cathy gets busted smuggling heroin in a balloon in her rectum.) Now we just have to figure out who would play Cathy. It’s tough!
Melissa McCarthy is on a roll right now, between her hit TV show Mike and Molly and her scene-stealing performance in Bridesmaids (I haven’t actually seen it yet, but I am told she steals scenes) so she would obviously be a smart choice to play Cathy. Her whole thing is being an everywoman who loves chocolate no offense none taken.
Evangeline Lilly skews a little younger and a little hotter than the comics, but that’s what people want these days, young and hot! She would give the live-action Cathy movie the Sex and the City vibe it is going to need if you want to win over those younger audiences. The good news, though, is that you will DEFINITELY be able to win over those younger audiences as long as you just try. They are going to love this movie!
Catherine Keener is your thinking woman’s Cathy. She could bring some real humanity to the role, and I don’t want to jump the gun on this, but with her in the lead you might even be able to get an Oscar nomination for BEST MOVIE OF THE YEAR.
Admittedly, Mo’nique is a bit of stunt casting, but you will remember that it worked like a charm for Cedric the Entertainer’s remake of The Honeymooners. In fact, stunt casting is actually the reason that Cedric the Entertainer’s remake of The Honeymooners remains the top-grossing movie of all time and tops many critics “Most Important Films Ever Made” lists.
Elle Fanning’s career is very hot right now.
Oh man, you guys, can we please all use The Secret and put it out into the Universe that Hollywood has to give us a like-action Cathy movie? ACK! Hahahha. ACK! ACK!
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ACK!
YACKo and WACKo would be fine. Sorry Dot.
Ahhhhh, thanks Mailman. Could you also Photoshop Wacko a little skinnier? And Yakko’s crow’s feet, I mean…Ech. Sorry, I mean ACK!
Brunette G-Pal. Duh.
Molly Shannon
ACK!
Donna DACKo
Malin ACK!erman.
Literally anyone.
Ha! “I think this rake with a paper bag on the end has the right combination of charisma and spunk! – hollywood.
You mean Katherine Heigl?
I say Rachel Leigh Cook, but mostly because I have not seen her around for a while and imagine she wouldn’t mind a paycheck.
What is this live-action Cathy adaptation to you? Just a bet? A fucking bet?!?
ladies and gentlemen, we have ourselves a Cathy
This is pretty much the most obvious choice Hollywood has ever had to make.
Kim Kardashian, because I want to see her try on swimsuits.
(Ducks)
script notes from Kamp Kardashian: “can she have a group of friends she can refer to as her ‘psoria-sisters’?”
OUR generation demands an edgier Cathy, who KNOWS how to keep a man:
Let’s just motion capture this shit and get Andy Serkis in here.
Jon Hamm. OBVIOUSLY.
A live gorilla, just to piss off PETA.
i hear CGI apes are quite “in” these days.
These are all excellent suggestions, you guys, but this is Hollywood we’re talking about, so of course it would be James Franco.
But I heard he’ll only sign on if he can reimagine the strip as a novel… then adapt it as a screenplay and then edit/direct it as well and eventually teach a class on it over Skype.
And I don’t think his hair is frizzy enough. But that’s what makeup artists are for!
Tina Fay.
Amy Poler.
Mia Rudolph
peetpeetpeet
Pete &/or Pete
Ratchel Drach
Chebby Chaise.
Eddie Murray
Gab Delahaye.
Renee Zelweger.
…wait a minute…
Fey Dunaway.
Bristol Palin.
Because he doesn’t have a nose. Get it?
“No” – you.
Scott B-ACK-ula.
Admiral ACK-bar
Neither can hold a candle to my main man:
Malin Ack-erman. Although that might entail a bit more nudity than I would be comfortable with in a Cathy movie.
My bad. Didn’t see this before I posted. sad face.
Or the other handful of people that posted the same thing.
I would love to see Catherine Keener star in this movie written and directed by Charlie Koffman. She could work at a vintage sock store and live a house constructed of her own self doubt and old roles played by Phillip Seymour-Hoffman.
Tina Fay
I was literally thinking this in my head and perusing the comments to see who would type it first. But she needs to work in something slightly less precious and more office, as that’s a main source of conflict in Cathy’s life. Maybe she’d be an office manager for a vintage sock chain that was looking to expand? I just don’t see the desk issues at a sock store. Maybe a sock chain… A yarn distribution center to a sock store. I’d also like a Jason Bateman type as her awful boss. Not Jason Bateman, but a Jason Bateman type.
I could totally see that working out well too, but I’m sure there are TONS of existential problems associated with working at a vintage sock store. I nominate John Cusack for the Jason Bateman type.
Wait wait wait wait. Stop the presses. Gabe hasn’t gotten around to seeing BRIDESMAIDS YET? WHAT?
Andy Samberg
http://tinypic.com/r/24mrh1h/7
“ACK !” to that link.
How did no one post this yet?
There, I posted it.
that was the first thing I thought of too!
#Birdie4Cathy
Obviously it would have to be…
…Malin A(c)kerman. Heyo!
Well played, Captain Boring. Well played indeed.
Malin ACKerman. Perfect, or too perfect?
She’s the unnecessarily bitchy girl in like every role I have seen her in, so I don’t think that would work for Cathy’s supposedly more relatable personality (am I really thinking about this that much? It really is a slow day).
If someone doesn’t find better roles for Joan Cusack soon, I think we’ve found our winner.
This hurts me because it’s really true.
obviously
I’m pulling for: no one.
Seriously, let’s not make this movie.
Bridget Jones
Owen Wilson…he was awesome as Marmaduke
Sandra Oh.
After a lifetime spent in the office Cathy leaves to work as a lumberjack in the hit new reality series ACKs-men
Thanks for putting it out there, Gabe. Now we know this will actually happen. And it will actually happen with this monstrosity.
OH GOD NO
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Thanks.
Who gave benzlogo an upvote? Come on.
At least Irving didn’t have a heart attACK-ACK-ACK-ACK.
I would Wiig out to see Kristen Wiig in this role. She’s ACK-ward enough.
Obviously:
n00b fail. How do you link imgs?
oh.
Little known fact: Katherine Jean Lopez (K-Lo), editor of the right-wing rag “The National Review”‘s online blog, “The Corner” is in every conceivable way the real-life “Cathy”, trying to balance work, men, chocolate, age, weight gain, and trying to have it all in an increasingly socialist and secular age. OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA! ACK!
Dude, pulling a K-Lo in a Cathy fight?
kathy acker duh
Mumblecore ‘Cathy’ starring Carrie Brownstein. Skews hip. TWSS.
[IMG]http://i55.tinypic.com/f3gilw.jpg[/IMG]
michelle bACKmann?
let’s try that again, shall we?
michelle bACKmann?
i is wetoddid
I almost immediately thought of the chubby girl that danced with Ricky on My So Called Life.
CTRL + F
“Jennifer Love Hewitt”
Monsters, I am disappoint.