Photos
El Chupacabra, most famous for his work on that one episode of The X-Files has been killed by a little boy named Carter. From Wikipedia (Ed. note: A++ on the photo illustration Mr. Pedia):
The chupacabras (Spanish pronunciation: [tʃupaˈkaβɾas], from chupar “to suck” and cabra “goat”, literally “goat sucker”) is a legendary cryptid rumored to inhabit parts of the Americas. It is associated more recently with sightings of an allegedly unknown animal in Puerto Rico (where these sightings were first reported), Mexico, and the United States, especially in the latter’s Latin American communities. The name comes from the animal’s reported habit of attacking and drinking the blood of livestock, especially goats.
Physical descriptions of the creature vary. Eyewitness sightings have been claimed as early as 1995 in Puerto Rico, and have since been reported as far north as Maine, and as far south as Chile, and even being spotted outside the Americas in countries like Russia and The Philippines. It is supposedly a heavy creature, the size of a small bear, with a row of spines reaching from the neck to the base of the tail.
And now he is dead. Carter fucking killed him. R.I.P. El Chupacabra. You will be missed. You’re in heaven now, sucking the blood from the angels’ livestock. Full news report on this tragic murder after the jump:
Uh, couple quick questions:
1. What on Earth is this news channel? Like what high school A/V class makes this news channel?
2. Did Carter make his Senor Frogs shirt himself with a magic marker?
3. Wait, he took hair and skin samples and put them in a bag and gave the bag to the reporter? That is weird, but also what did he do with the rest of the body and also how many scientists do you think it will take to prove that he did in fact kill the Chupacabra?
Tough questions. Looks like there are TWO journalists following this story. (Via NothingToDoWithArbroath.)
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“I’ve never seen anything like that before. I wonder what it is. *BANG*”
- Texas
Shiiiiiii, Texas or otherwise, whenever I’m confronted with anything that MAY IN FACT BE Latin American, I shoot first, aks questions later.
- Arizona
And once again the state sectioned between Texas and Arizona proves itself to be superior.
You guys, I’m so excited about my trip to Albuquerque next week! I have short hair, it’s cool.
Add “mythical beasts” to the list of things to which Texas will allow the administration of the death penalty.
HA. WELL WHEN the fuckin EL CHUPACABRAS ARE gunning for YOUR BERGMAN BOTTOM, I’ll be shooting THE SHIT OUT of them and ASKING 0 QUESTIONS, thank YA VERY MUCH.
“Hey babe? You seen Buster? Let him out for a piss last night and he’s not back yet.” – Neighbor
If only John Lithgow had been around sooner to slap the shit out of the chupacabra and send him back into nature, he wouldn’t have ended up crossing paths with “civil”ization
It’s 16? I’m surprised Doug Hutchison didn’t marry it yet.
So sure, are you? Look at the facts!
Frankly, I’m glad. I worked hard to earn the nickname “goat sucker,” and I was tired of sharing it.
Now can someone shoot the “cockgobbler” for me?
I would, but she’s better armed than me.
The most dangerous
politiciangameKoo-koo-ri-koo! Koo-koo-ri-koo!
This will not get the amount of upvotes it deserves, but you have +1000 hypothetical ones from me alone. Ciento Tres Puuunto Uno, dot com.
The wolf dead.
Yo soy un bebe
Fortunately, Don Dimello has managed to evade capture.
I, Bob Dukka, admit that I am powerless over the following things:
Alcohol
Nicotine
Mythical Goat Killers
Gambling
Send in the girls.
I have been reading Videogum for quite some time, and have lurked in the shadows for far too long, and all I have to say is this comment by you, Caroline has warmed my heart, and all of the subsequent comments related to Comedy Death Ray (RIP) and Comedy Bang Bang have brought me forth into this community, not to mention the comedy writings of Gabe and the wonderful new addition of Kelly. Thanks guys and upvotes for all!
HUZZAH!!!
There was no reason to shoot it. Chupacabras can’t even come in your house unless they’re invited.
Fans of the chupacabra: Get Carter is not the vigilante revenge flick that you might think it is. Sorry!
I saw this on Fox News this morning. Turns out Carter had little to do with this and we should all be crediting George W. Bush.
If he had missed Obama would have been to blame.
I’m off my commentator game, let me try that again:
Sure, but Carter couldn’t have gotten him without intelligence from the Bush administration.
Everyone is missing the point. Chupacabras CAN be killed. Case closed, Scully.
Fake and Olé
Carter:
Police rendering.
I didn’t see the video after the jump. I think i just ruined two things at once.
Too bad it wasn’t a Chalupa-cabra. Them’s good eatin’.
Jesus fuuuck, I was going to make a Jimmy Carter joke (it wouldn’t have been funny) but found this fucking thing on Google Images instead, and now you can’t un-see it! Hooray!
http://grandrants.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/jimmy-carter-2.jpg?w=300
WordPress is trying to save your innocence. Nice try, WordPress!
why no “Heaven just got a little more El Chupacabra “?
The Chupacabra has been wandering the wasteland for months, a pet searching for his lost owner. At last they are reunited (in imaginary creature heaven):
http://videogum.com/255102/this-is-a-real-thing-that-is-definitely-real/tv/local-news/
(Assuming this creature was eventually shot, too, in a community with less-astute investigative journalists.)
I think that the identification of this creature as a chupacabra might have been a little “Hasti.”
So this kid murdered someone’s poor Alopecia-y dog?
jinx.
I hate to be that person because I hate it when we get #seriousgum, but that is so obviously a coyote or other canine relative with mange… maybe even someone’s dog. That kid is an asshole.
#sadanimaldaygum
It could be a coyote or a dog with mange, or it could just be a xolo, in which case this little asshole just shot a perfectly healthy dog.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mexican_Hairless_Dog
I knew a dog like this from the dog park. He looked so goddamn unhappy, but it may have been because the owner was constantly fielding “what is wrong with that dog” kind of comments. I think he needed serious sunblock too as the dick owner made a point to hike him mid-day in Los Angeles. And to make all of this worse, the owner was a total jackass who would talk incessantly about how much he spent for an obviously miserable and unsociable dog (as no one would let him play w/their dogs bc it looked like a crazy pitbull ravaged by burns and mange). Poor puppy. But at least he got a good hike every day. And never met some jerk tween in Texas when he was off-leash.
You know, for a Chupacabra post, this thread is surprisingly political.