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There will forever be a place in my heart, and the HEART OF VIDEOGUM, for Eli Porter. We posted his historic freestyle rap battle against Envy in the very first week of the blog’s existence, and still think about him regularly. In many ways, Eli Porter is the human embodiment of Internet Celebrity Culture (whatever THAT even means). On the one hand, he is clearly a person with some problems, which is what made his video go “viral” (hold on, have to put a quarter in the “viral jar”) in the first place. On the other hand, he is genuinely SO GREAT, and as you see in People’s Champion: Behind the Battle, a 30 minute documentary that you can watch in its entirety after the jump, he relished the attention he got, and it has (ultimately, these things take time) been a positive thing for him. As we see on an almost daily basis on this blog, the Internet is an endless Swamp of Sadness that will eventually kill all of the Artaxes, but every once in awhile for the briefest of moments the massive dark clouds of impenetrable swamp gas iPart and let the sun meme TUMBL through. This is one of those moments! Watch:
BLOGS IS BLOGGING. ELI PORTER 4 LYFE, SON.
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It would be a lot easier to Operation Watch This if my eyes weren’t overflowing from all the dust you kicked up talking about killing all the Artaxes.
TRUE STORY: I named my MP3 player Artax. END OF TRUE STORY.
I had a shoe named Artax:
And before you ask, yes, I wear womens sneakers because I need the arch support.
I went to Daytona Beach (the Strip of Sadness) in my Jeep called Artax.
A few days ago I went to transfer songs from my old ipod to my new ipod, saw that my old ipod was named Zoidberg Ph.D, saw my new ipod was named ipod, knew I peaked in 2004.
BETTER TRUE STORY: I once won a nerdiness competition with a drunken Irishman thanks to my knowledge of Artax. Not only was he impressed by my knowing the name of Atreyu’s horse, but he mistakenly believed that Artax was killed by the nothing. When I corrected him, I was declared the victor, and went on to drink all the whiskey.
TRUE STORY: One of my best friends from childhood does an incredible impersonation of Atreyu when he says “ARTAX, YOU’RE SINKING!”
I am crying at my desk, and my bosses think something serious happened. I am not sure I want to tell them that I am crying because a pop culture blog mentioned Artax.
I want to know if Gabe actually knew the name or had the image in his head and pursued the name on wikipedia. HOW DOES HIS HEAD WORK?
Oh man, you guys. Go click on that first link up there and read the comments from the first week of Videogum. Then click on the next link and read the comments now. We’ve come so far!
Yet we still have so far to go…
“As we see on an almost daily basis on this blog, the Internet is an endless Swamp of Sadness that will eventually kill all of the Artaxes”
THIS IS MY NEW FOREVER PHRASE
It is also so versatile:
Ke$sha is an endless Swamp of Sadness that will eventually kill all of the Artaxes;
Dr. Drew is an endless Swamp of Sadness that will eventually kill all of the Artaxes;
You tube comments are an endless Swamp of Sadness that will eventually kill all of the Artaxes; and
Nicholas Sparks as a writer is an endless Swamp of Sadness that will eventually kill all of the Artaxes.
This is actually a really interesting documentary. I enjoyed it! My favorite part is the brief interviews with the guy who used the “heart” effect in the original video. In case you were wondering where all of the cocaine went, it’s in that guy’s bloodstream.
i got too distracted by that white boy’s pandering ass bounce tshirt to finish.
I liked this whole thing except for all the smug, faux-sincere interviews with the different bloggers and Andy Milonakis. All the kids from the original video that were interviewed were all great, they pieced together a really vivid picture of a scrappy high school broadcast class that reminded me of the class I was in. Didn’t really care about what Jay Smooth thought.
Why is no one commenting on the fact that this documentary has shown that Eli Porter has evolved into a literal monster.
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That was great. I agree re: the smug “experts” commenting – they don’t add any gravitas. The kids involved were perfect. And I love that the judges were all from the football team. Kind of like the Dillon Panthers judging a freestyle competition. It’s the best, man. They did it.