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As this photo from ABC News (emphasis on the “News,” I’m sure) shows, Jonah Hill is now suffering from stage 6 The Machinist disease. His only chance for recovery now is to remember that he is the one that killed a little boy or something? I don’t really remember how The Machinist ends because it’s actually kind of a crappy movie, but I think when you get The Machinist disease you have to fight Tyler Durden in a bathroom and roll up a rug and go to jail. Obviously, our thoughts and prayers are with Mr. Hill and his family during this difficult time.
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Having a healthy diet and an active lifestyle is so duuuuuumb
Ewwwww look how average sized he is now! Gross! I can’t even look at him anymore!
being healthy isn’t dumb, but it is dumb to leave the house in your uncle’s wrinkled suit.
He’s got funny ears!
Forget the ears, why is he wearing lipstick?
THAT’s why my drugstore ran out of laxatives
You remember when Seth Rogen got all skinny and then his voice didn’t make any sense anymore? The exact same thing is going to happen to Jonah Hill. There are some voices that are just kind of eggy and should be coming out of a chubby face, and both of those guys have them.
Oh great, what shitty adaptation of an old serial hero is Jonah going to be starring in?
He’s in talks with Garrison Keiller to bring Guy Noir to the big screen.
Now he’s more like Jonah Ant Hill
Or maybe “He used to be a mountain of a man, but now he’s simply Jonah Mole-hill”.
Now how is he going to be funny?!
Uh, he’ll use his impeccable wit! The man is a goddamn modern day Mark Twain.
That implies that he was previously funny no?
He could do a faux lesbian pin-up photo shoot.
Maybe now he will yell less. He is so yell-y!
Baseballgum for a second here –
He plays Paul DePodesta in Moneyball. Paul DePodesta is thin IRL, though he plays him as a fat guy. But then they finish shooting Moneyball, he loses a bunch of weight, and now he looks like the guy he played. He lost weight in the wrong order! Sucks for Mr. DePodesta, since now most of the people who see Moneyball are going to think he looks like fat Jonah Hill. Machinist disease, my ass.
That’s the M. Night Shyamalan twist to Moneyball. DePo is fat, Jeremy Brown is thin, and Billy Beane is actually a jeans salesman.
Baseballgum talk.
Has anyone seen Regis Philbin on Live! lately? He nearly breaks down and cries any chance he gets talking about what the Pirates have done this year. As a life long Pittsburgh resident and Pirate fan, I can say its incredible. He had Emma Watson on the other day and he was trying to talk to her about the Pirates. She was all “Pittsburgh is a brilliant city yes, I had quite a lovely time filming there”…. and Regis was like “BUT WHAT ABOUT THE PIRATES!!!! HOW GREAT IS HANRAHAN? IM AN OLD CRAZY MAN” She was clearly uncomfortable. It was awesome.
He looks miserable in a suit…does he know they make casual wear in standard sizes?
He no longer has the jorts physique, though. It’s an awkward age.
Wow, Al Roker is a lot whiter than I remember him being
holy macaroni! hes like a young elvis now.
I hate it when fat celebrities lose weight, because it makes me feel lazy. Jerks. Making themselves feel better without taking my feelings into account.
Yeah, but they pay trainers and chefs and stuff, so it’s different when they do it.
What’s that? You feel worse now because you’re both lazy and a relative pauper? Oops.
My tears of hot sauce are falling into my beer.
Oh, man. I want wings and beer for lunch so badly now. Damn you!
+5 points great use of the criminally-underused term “pauper.”
The worst part of The Machinist disease is that even if you beat it, you will develop later in life The Fighter disease.
He’s currently filming Blues Traveler: The Movie.
Is aging 40 years part of The Machinist Disease? He looks like Gabe’s Dad.
You should show a little more respect for your grandfather.
He made “Get Him To The Greek” so it’s obvious that he has no respect for me.
Can he be the new Oprah now?
YOU get a supporting Judd Apatow role, and YOU get a supporting Judd Apatow role, and YOU get a supporting Judd Apatow role!!! Everyone’s getting a Judd Apatow left-over acting role!
I blame GQ.
That is one normal-looking ten-year-old boy.
isn’t it John A Hill?
Obviously being healthy is great. Good job! HOWEVER: I forget who said this, but comedians tend to stop being funny when they want to be something else first. Eddie Murphy sucked after he decided to be a sex symbol first and a comedian second. Dane Cook will never be good because he wants to be cool first and funny second. And so on.
dane cook has never been funny and his face looks like moldy cottage cheese acne scars. his “jokes” are dumb, like if an eliza virus were spitting out “shocking” shock words in yahoo chat. Ooooh comedy woah
Patton Oswalt had that bit about being fat in Hollywood, where Brian Dennehy announced to everyone at some wrap party, “Character actors! Who gives a fuck that we’re fat?!”
He looks weird now. There are some people who are just supposed to be fat, and you can tell because when they lose weight their faces look odd and deflated (see: Jones, Star [if you can stand to look at her now that her eyes are 80% of her skinny face!])
I know a lot of people have joked “How’s he going to be funny now?” but that’s related to something I was thinking about this. He got cast as the funny fat guy before. Now he’s not fat, but he’s not good-looking enough to get leading man parts. Also, his face is kind of weird looking now and he doesn’t look young enough to play a dweeby teenager anymore.
I thought something similar about Sarah Rue when I saw her Jenny Craig (or Weight Watchers? I don’t care) commercials. She always played characters who were the sassy chubby girl, or the chubby girl who is still cute (despite the horrible disfigurement/disability of having any excess weight that is not concentrated solely in the boobs). Now that she’s lost weight she doesn’t work for those roles anymore, and while she’s still very cute she’s not so amazingly gorgeous that she isn’t going to have trouble competing with all the other not-fat actresses out there.
agreed.
Sarah Rue looked wonderful before she lost the weight.
I agree, I think Sarah Rue is and always was very cute. Even at the biggest I saw her she was a nice shape, too.
I had the biggest crush on Sarah Rue. And then she Rue-ined it.
She will rue the day she ever crossed Harke!
Jennifer Hudson. She has the wrong sized face now. and the thing is while she was loosing the weight, like her first commercial she looked great. and I was like, great. you didn’t look bad before, but now you look healthier or whatever…but now she has pushed it and just looks…too thin. and gross. with huge face. and i feel bad that she feels she needs to look that thin
I think the Machinist ended with some over rated bat costume crap that is so poorly edited the fight scenes make no sense and everyone in the world was like “oh wow its so dark and gritty I love it” when in fact it was terrible
Although I did admire his cleverness at using a fictional computer to fictionally rig all the cell phones in town to act as listening devices, then using the information he heard to warn his bosses in the submarine but they didn’t listen and got blown up, so he fled through a jungle with Steve Zahn. Until he was dead the whole time.
There’s nothing funny about a physically fit man.
Agreed, the American version of Death At A Funeral proved that. The 6-pack ab naked guy on the roof was a thousand times less funny that the awkward pasty ginger flabby guy.
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I’m just blown away by the fact that in this picture Jonah looks twenty years older AND younger at the same time.
his diet must be superbad.
He will no longer be funny.