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I was staring at this Horrible Bosses movie poster on the subway platform the other day and I started thinking about what that movie would be like from the bosses’ perspective. It would be very different! Incidentally, Horrible Bosses seems to be another prime example of this very weird relationship contemporary pop culture has with murder. Like, I know that it is a comedy and maybe it’s funny, I don’t know, I haven’t seen it, but ultimately it is about three people who decide to become MURDERERS, and MURDERERS are, by definition, kind of THE WORST. Surely there is a more reasonable way to deal with the situation of having a terrible boss, for example, QUITTING. (SPOILER GUESS ALERT: I bet you no one gets murdered in the movie about murdering people, but back to my point.) This happens a lot in movies and TV these days. Like, I finally watched Knight and Day last week, which actually has its charms, although it’s kind of (more than kind of) a mess, but in that movie Cameron Diaz stumbles her way into an international espionage style situation, and within two minutes she is picking up automatic weapons and shooting people. Maybe it is self defense, but that is still a very intense thing to do! To shoot at a human being! (And, of course, the classic example of Lost, in which, by the end of the series, everyone had either murdered someone else, or tried to. Even Hurley!) But so I am staring at this subway poster and I thought, let’s play a game about it!
The game is simple enough, but also complicated. VERY COOL. Basically, just tell the plot of a movie from the antagonist’s perspective. So, for example:
- Horrible Bosses: An employee with no respect for the hard-earned authority of his boss, rather than dealing with the situation like an adult, gangs up with his two sociopathic friends and plots a series of cold-blooded homicides.
- Jaws: A mean lifeguard hunts a mom.
- Lord of the Rings: Return Of The King: A mischievous little ring is thwarted in its attempt to do the one thing it was made to do when some little boys throw it in a volcano.
- Perfect Storm: A weather system runs its course without incident.
Good game! Better than this one at least. Good luck!
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Wife took the kids. Friend tried to kill me. Now I’m a robot. — Revenge of the Sith.
Face Off – I took some jerk’s face.
If someone is looking for a lowest rated comment for an EGOT may I suggest Schindler’s List.
I have a good one for Life is Beautiful, but I’m horrified by my own reaction to it.
Nice, clean piece of paper gets repeatedly scratched with a pen by Liam Neeson – Schindler’s List
Carl Weathers can’t take a punch. — Rocky IV.
There’s Something About Mary–A woman toys with the affections with a series of hapless men.
I don’t think this got nearly enough upvotes.
Weekend at Bernies: Two men desecrate a corpse.
wouldnt it be more like – A corpse almost ruins two guy’s weekend of partying.
Raiders of the Lost Ark – a conquering army is robbed of invincibility by a meddling archaeologist.
Amazing.
Star Wars- A quest to reunite an estranged family is ruined by pesky Jedis
Raiders of the Lost Ark – a conquering army is robbed of invincibility by a meddling archaeologist.
indiana jones and the temple of doom— a mining start-up in india is pushed to bankruptcy by a hat-wearing american and an asian preteen.
Last Crusade – New miracle health product, lost forever due to interference from rival American researchers.
Crystal Skull – Nuclear Bomb Thwarted by Refrigerator
Cape Fear – A classic revenge tale of the wrongfully accused taking vengeance on the man who put him away.
Star Wars- A man trying to reunite his family and expand his political career is thwarted by pesky rebels
The Matrix: 0001010011101000010111001011101010110101001
Up: A curmudgeon halts development is a growing city.
The Breakfast Club – Teenagers once again have no respect for elders.
Pretty in Pink – A teenage social climber tries to date rich kids.
I lol’d
The Notebook – This poor fella stole my fiancee and lived happily ever after.
Se7en- The tragic tale of an unfortunately mis-guided bible studies teacher
The Notebook – This poor fella stole my fiancee and lived happily ever after.
Se7en — A guy tries to be helpful by pointing out character flaws in other people; also offers practical packing techniques.
Inception: A power-hungry corporation hires a group of criminals to psychologically torture a man into handing over his family business.
The Sixt Sense: I am dead the whole time.
Halloween – A man attempts to keep the peace of the wild by ridding the woods of sexually promiscuous campers.
The Dark Knight — Everybody is so serious so a man plays pranks on them to put smiles on their faces
Fight Club: Weak, whiny James McAvoy look-a-like ruins plans for new world order by having physical existence
Bambi – Dad caught dinner
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest: A nurse just trying to do her job and keep patients in control
Fight Club – An insomnia driven man gets enough courage to form a successful collective. Also soap.
Nightmare on Elm St – I’m just trying to teach some parents the importance of due process
Trading Places – an important sociological study is disrupted by a Negro and his butler
He’s Just Not That Into You: He’s Just Not That Into Her
aunt martha: I have no idea why I capitalized that second part…
Kill Bill – My ex kills me cause I stole her kid. Bitch.
The French Connection – businessmen trying to make a living, hounded by a dick in a jughead hat.
District 9: Cat Food-related businesses flourish
The Room – AAARGH. I can’t get a job, my Mom thinks her breast cancer is no big deal, my future husband’s best friend is hotter than he is and I wished that his young neighbour would grow up and take responsibility for his life. And my future husband totally hit me.
12 Angry Men — One jerk keeps 11 other men sequestered.
the shawshank redemption— a prison warden looking for a better life for his family has his dreams dashed by a convicted murderer.
Princess Mononoke – Girl comes out of a forest and attempts to blow up a leper colony
Eat Pray Love: India’s Borat
The Big Lebwski – Lazy, freeloading hippie refuses to repay loans.
it’s a wonderful life— socialist uprising in bedford falls upsets the balance of a free market economy.
Party Down–You get what you pay for.
Some Like It Hot — Two pervs scam rich guys out of money and drunk girls into bed in 1920′s Florida.
point break— a tight knit crew of adventurous surfers have their lives torn to pieces when an undercover fbi agent attempts to join their ranks.
Kick Ass: Entire, multi-layered, decades-old organisation destroyed by two kids and a bazooka. Also, son is a bit of a dick and refuses to do McLovin impersonation.
Blade Runner – Crazy man with a gun hunts innocent robots for no apparent reason.
Also applies to I, Robot
Citizen Kane – “that rich asshole made all our lives miserable because of a fucking SLED?! he had everything he could ever want! just buy a new one!”
Signs: Water-intolerant alien race decide to get rid of their death-row criminals by sending them to a planet with a surface that is 70% water
The Sixth Sense: I see alive people.
I don’t think The Sixth Sense really has an antagonist, unless you said that M Night Shyamalan was the antagonist and people who like good movies are the protagonists.
The Happening, The Village, Lady in the Water: M Night Shyamalan makes movies.
The Exorcist: Some crazy religious nut chants nonsense and throws water at a little demon who’s just trying to get out of Hell and experience the world.
E.T. – some family got my kid addicted to earth candy!!
Harry Potter films: A group of ne’erdowell witches & wizards dedicate their lives to making sure one of the greatest wizards of ALL TIME doesn’t achieve his lifelong dream.
Ghostbusters – Finite beings thwart ancient prophecy
Toy Story 3: New toys think they’re SO BIG
The Big Lebowski – hippy ruins fucking everything.
Amelie: That weird girl that lives in your building loves pranks, and has no qualms about breaking into your apartment, can someone please get her laid already?
Independence Day: Desperate being is murdered as he attempts to make his way on a new planet.
Inception: A bunch of assholes decide to go into my brain and fuck things up majorly so i destroy my fathers empire
Inception: The story of a man who takes a long, healthy nap on the flight to his father’s funeral and wakes up with a better attitude.
The Brave Little Toaster: Child is pursued by haunted garbage
this is my favorite.
Annie Hall – Hi, I’m Paul Simon.
The Terminator – Well-meaning robot attempts to bring peace to his war-torn home using time travel
Beauty and the Beast: An attempt to rescue a hostage fails.
Oldboy: More like WINcest
The Piano – My wife cheated on me, so I cut her fingers off. Fuck her and that piano.
The Night of the Hunter: A pair of blasphemous brats interfere with divine intervention when they thwart a handsome preacher’s plans to build a church.
Vertigo – I hired you to follow my wife, what the fuck is this shit?
The Graduate: A disaffected young man takes advantage of an older married woman and her daughter.
$pread – I just wish my friend would get a proper job and a steady girlfriend his own age.
Game of Thrones: The treacherous Stark family attempts to rob King Joffrey of his rightful throne, even going so far as to condemn his Queen mother of incest with her twin brother…but they shared a womb!
The Antisocial Network: You don’t get to 500 million enemies without making a few evil cohorts.
I hate reading.
(Haven’t seen the movie yet) The Undefeated – The voting public defeats Sarah Palin.
Donnie Darko: Someone keeps stealing my mail.
Silence of the Lambs: All I wanted was the fucking lotion in the bucket — how hard is that?
Silence of the Lambs: I ate a man’s face
Inconvenient Truth: Stupid people hate summer.
The Shining: A man tries to do the decent thing and accept the hospitality of a group of strangers, but his wife and son, the snobs, have none of it and just flat-out desert him.
An American Tail: I am the cat and I am here to steal.
101 Dalmatians: Fashionista tries to shut down local puppy mill.
Scooby-Doo: I would’ve gotten away with it, if it hadn’t been for those meddling kids!
Sophie’s Choice: A kindhearted soldier gives a woman the chance to save the life of one of her children.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
The Conversation: Creepy loner is hired to document a meeting but fails to carry out his duties in a professional manner.
Who Framed Roger Rabbit?: A rogue detective and a group of ungrateful actors sabotage a jurist’s plan to improve the city’s vehicular throughput.
The Undefeated: We totally forget about losing that one election.
Oh I should learn how to read! I’ll get my coat.
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest: Nurse does her job.
Goonies: A gang of children break into a family-run restaurant and kidnap a developmentally disabled adult
A Christmas Story: A dysfunctional child with unresolved anger issues receives a firearm.
Fatal Attraction: Woman makes beautiful love in an elevator with her handsome co-worker. Co-worker then denies their love and refuses to leave wife, child, bunny.
Robin Hood: A sleeper cell of terrorists hides in the wilderness and threatens the legal order of Great Britain
50 First Dates: An idiot stalks a retard
Network: reality TV is awesome.
My Dinner with Andre: Will they shut up and fucking leave already? It’s a busy night and we need that damn table! These bastards better tip….
Back to the Future: School nerd and new kid ruin a man’s date, and subsequently, the trajectory of his life. Libyans seek to recover stolen plutonium.
Deliverance: Four uppity city boys ruin the peace and quiet of a rural town.
Bebe’s Kids: Curious, well-meaning kids get the better of mom’s friend’s stodgy new boyfriend.
Gattaca: An elaborate conspiracy to commit identity fraud seriously threatens the safety of a space mission.
Babies: Babies
Empire Records: A bunch of loser record-store employees won’t just, FADE AWAY.
Death to Smoochie: A New York businessman loses sleep struggling to put on an ice show for charity.
Hot Fuzz: A group of older concerned citizens stretch their civic involvement muscles to make their English countryside village a nicer place to live.
Zoolander: A rags to riches story about how a struggling musician found respect and international influence by taking on the savage world of fashion.