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So, Roseanne Barr has a new reality show coming to Lifetime this month. Anybody left? Anyone on the list who still doesn’t have a reality TV show? No? Everyone’s got one now? Cool. Enjoy! Anyway, it is called Roseanne’s Nuts because she’s so crazy. That’s a good name! She is a comedy legend for her brash refusal to play by other people’s rules. (Haha. That is a good sentence! Maybe some jerk needs me to write descriptions of stuff for his Terrible Writing That Ultimately Doesn’t Mean Anything When You Thnk About It For Even One Second Company?) Oh, but also, it’s mostly called Roseanne’s Nuts because now she is a Macadamia nut farmer in Hawaii. WAIT, WHAT?! I’m not surprised that she is a Macadamia nut farmer in Hawaii because if I had ALL THE MONEY that is what I would be doing, too. It sounds great. But the fact that there is a new reality show called Roseanne’s Nuts about Roseanne and ACTUAL NUTS is hilarious. Good work everyone. Christmas bonus! Teaser after the jump (SPOILER ALERT: they have even, if you can believe it, found a THIRD meaning for the word “nuts”!):
Haha. Sure.
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And yet when I pitched my idea for Facetaco’s Balls, all they gave me was a restraining order. Reverse sexism, ladies and gentlemen!
You play baseball???
What kind of balls do you sell? Are they squishy? Hard? Bouncy? Tell me about your balls, Facetaco.
No, no. He’s saying he organizes black tie events. Each of his balls has an orchestra.
His balls are always bouncing, to the left and to the right. It’s my belief that his big balls should be held every night.
I would totally watch this show.
Me too. I have already programmed it to record on my DVR.
What I like about Lifetime shows is that there’s so much death. Will this show live up to that standard? My soul says yes.
I prefer this guy’s show about plums:
Ashley’s confessionals would be awesome:
“On top a her; powerful thrusts, filling the sultry night air. Heavy breath. My son Gabriel walked in, little boy. My wife sprung out of bed and said ‘No, Gabriel! Leave!’ And I said ‘No, honey, shut your mouth, let him watch.’ Let him watch what is being consecrated here.”
This reminds me of a funny old SNL sketch with Harry Shearer. It was a fake TV show called Fecal Matters, hosted by John Fecal. The topic of discussion, coincidentally, was always fecal matter.
Roseanne(s)’ Nutz
I just want there to be a show like Roseanne again, you guys! Their family was just like my family! And I was in love with Darlene! And instead her and I both dated sensitive boys because being gay was scary! And my brother was called AJ! And none of our furniture matched!
Man, the 90s. The 90s got it.
And I had a sister who was mysteriously swapped out for another young woman and no one said anything about it.
Roseanne was the shit. Total hero. These days I watch it whenever I catch an episode and just revel in Aunt Jackie’s evolving fashions. Also, this: http://nymag.com/arts/tv/upfronts/2011/roseanne-barr-2011-5/.
I loved that article. I read it a few months ago and it made me really want to go back and watch the first season and see if it felt very different from the other seasons.
And I loved when they swapped out Becky! And their jokes about it! Like when DJ was all grown up and in therapy and he keeps saying ‘They say she’s the same but she isn’t the same.” GOLD.
I wish this whole post just talked about how great Roseanne (the show) was and how we all miss it terribly, because that’s pretty much my favorite topic of conversation. Let’s all watch the episode where Dan learns the truth about his mother’s mental illness until Roseanne breaks out her nuts.
Thanks for that fantastic, eye-opening article. TV needs another Roseanne.
Just so everyone knows, there are 100 episodes of Roseanne on Netflix Instant right now. I started from episode one. I won’t tell you how far I am….
Let’s share favorite moments! Mine is when Roseanne and Dan smoke pot in the bathroom, and Jackie is in the bathtub and she’s all like, “Is this the sink? Am I shrinking?”
For fuck’s sake! Why can’t I master this Facebook connect crap? Anyway, since I’m here, I ALSO love that DJ’s love interest was a nerdy, opinionated girl; I hate movies/shows where the nerdy guys go after the pretty girls they know nothing about and having nothing in common with.
Anyway, I miss Roseanne. And I find people who dislike it suspicious.
I liked the racist episode! Because man! Did it make 10 year old me scared I was racist! AM I? WAS I? Only Roseanne knows! Or does she?
And remember when Dan got arrested for beating up…Fraser? For beating up Jackie? And remember when Jackie was a cop! And remember when George Clooney was on it?
If we could just talk about Roseanne and Gilmore Girls (opposites!) I would be so happy.
Lifetime – Television for Women (who are so rich they can move to paradise and farm Macadamia nuts)
and the creator of Brett Butler is a Salad Tosser just lost his dream.
Man, X-Men Origins: Wolverine was such a disappointment.
argh i want to retire from show business and have a farm in hawaii! honestly, i don’t even want to have a career to retire from, i just want to wake up with a pretty farm in hawaii. damnit.
Roseanne’s Nuts: The woman who typified working class American ironically (not ironically) moves to the most expensive state to farm (farm!) the most expensive nut.
*America*, rather. i’ll seen myselfn outn.
That woman worked HARD to get where she is. She deserves all the nuts in the world. And a show about them. You leave Roseanne alone — she is a hero to women in entertainment.
Did you guys know that it´s really hard to get your Videogum time in when you go roughly a quarter around the world from home? It´s true! This is Baby Friday, I changed my name to be festive since I´m in Spain and everything. Which, again, makes it tough to ´gum, but I wanted to stop in since I had a chance! Hola! Also, hola, Roseanne´s nuts!
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