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On Friday night’s Jimmy Kimmel Live, Unstoppable‘s Rosario Dawson discussed her love for the Internet’s “planking.” Cool. She really gets it. She’s probably on the internet somewhere right now, looking up the latest trends. To talk about planking for a minute, though, which is what I’d like to do: Planking is a thing that I just do not understand at all. I mean, I get it, kind of. You act like a plank and then take a picture. But — what? I’m sure we can all agree that planking is a weird thing that people do and we don’t understand it and really don’t care to understand it, but why is it such a POPULAR weird thing that people do, etc.? You’re just acting like a plank! You’re not giving the shocker or putting bunny ears on someone or photo-bombing anything or closing your eyes on purpose or anything FUN like that. You are just lying down. That’s not fun. Not even when a celebrity like Rosario Dawson does it:
See? Not fun. Remember when Rosario was in Josie and the Pussycats, though? That soundtrack rules. Almost all of the songs are good. So in the comments you can either talk about planking or the Josie and the Pussycats soundtrack. Or whatever else you want. Obviously you can do whatever you want, but those are the two topics I’d like to discuss. Plankingplankingplanking. (Via Uproxx.)
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Can we just talk about the Josie and the Pussycats movie? Because that is a fun movie.
The soundtrack was the first CD I ever bought for myself, because I was like 9.
Also, one time I went to an Aaron Carter concert. But it wasn’t my idea! And they gave out free Pop Tarts! #musicalshamerationalizations
Oh my god, I for real love that movie so much. Alan Cumming AND Parker Posey? Together? So good!
Du Jour means friendship!
Du Jour means crash positions!
R.I.P. Tara Reid. Wait, she died, right?
I had honestly been thinking this for years.
If I am not mistaken, once you hit a certain percentage of body composition where you are more artificial than not, you are considered legally dead by most courts in the land, so, in summary, yes. She’s dead.
Didn’t Marc Ecko do a campaign to stop this?
Oh Wait, that was paddling, my B
Something something something double entendre involving planking Rosario Dawson.
Good call, don’t get specific, let the reader mentally fill in the planks.
“I’d like to plank Rosario’s Dawson!” See? It’s easy!
I’m sorry, but she gets me stiff as a board… or board stiff … oh I’m confused, I don’t even like puns.
That’s EGGS-actly what I was thinking.
This is just child’s play. I plank every night for anywhere from six to eight hours in a row.
There’s this hobo behind my building who’s been planking for days now. Guy’s a goddamn pro.
Really? That’s a thing people are into on the internet? Come on, internet, I expected more of you! Bring back toothing!
I like the term “plank” or “planking” because when used in a sentence, it sounds like everyone is playing Match Game ’77*.
*I call Charles Nelson Reilly
My call:
You son of a bitch.
Dammit! Can I get Bret Summers?
That is what planking is? I assumed it was something much dirtier, that I was happier not google image searching it. Now I just feel dumb. But still not as dumb as the people who are planking must feel.
SIX WHOLE HOURS AND FIVE LONG DAYS!!!!!
FOR ALL YOUR LIES TO COME UNDONE!!!!!
AND THOSE THREE SMALL WORDS!!!!
WERE WAY TWO LATE!!!!!!!!
CAN’T YOU SEE THAT I’M THE ONE!!!!!
Well he looks at me with those innocent eyes,
I say it looks like you’re wearing some kind of disguise,
because your hair sticks up, your shoes are untied
and I hope that you got that shirt at half price!
Planking is our generation’s stuffing people in a phone booth.*
*for the younger readers around here, there was a craze in the fifties where people used to see how many of them could get in a phone booth**
**there used to be special booths to talk on pay phones***
***I give up
You know that I wont hurt you
so open up and let me in
we love each other way to much
for it to be a sin
some people use the front door
but that’s never been my way
just cuz I slip in back doors,
well, that doesn’t make me, hey!
Backdoor lover! Coming from behind no one has to know!
sums up my feelings pretty well
I recently un-friended someone on facebook (the ultimate sign of disrespect, no duh) because their picture was them “planking” between two cars. Seriously. What is this trend and why is it something people enjoy doing??
I just really like Du Jour.
I’d let any of them be MY Backdoor Lover.
I’m getting old. I can remember when we were all icing our bros.
GAR MATEY! I’LL SEND YE TO DAVY JONES LOCKER!
wait. i’m doing this wrong, aren’t i?
Complanking, complanking, complanking. Gabe always be complanking!
eh, that’s nothing. call me when she does her goatse impression.
This whole planking internet fad just leaves me so board.
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