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[The Hollywood actor, Ian McShane, has a very busy schedule, being a Hollywood actor and everything, so he probably would not have time to sit down with us or answer any of our questions, so we didn't even bother asking him. This is a fake interview with Ian McShane.]
Videogum: Hi, Ian McShane, thank you so much for taking the time out of your busy schedule to talk to us for real, this is real, this is definitely happening, so thank you.
Ian McShane: You are real welcome.
Videogum: Can I get you anything? Imaginary coffee or make believe water?
Ian McShane: I’d love some make believe water, actually.
Videogum: OK, just make a cup with your hand.
Ian McShane makes a cup with his hand.
Videogum: That’s really nice object work, Ian McShane.
Ian McShane: I’m a professional actor.
Videogum: Right.
We fill Ian McShane’s hand cup with some dream water.
Ian McShane: Thank you.
Videogum: So, I read recently that you have been cast as a dwarf in an upcoming Snow White movie.
Ian McShane: Yes, it’s very exciting.
Videogum: And very hilarious.
Ian McShane: Excuse me?
Videogum: What?
Ian McShane: What is hilarious?
Videogum: You playing a dwarf is very very hilarious. I have been laughing about it for, like, two days just thinking about it.
Ian McShane: And what, pray tell, is so funny about it?
Videogum: UH YOUR FACE ON A TINY BODY HAHAHAHAH!
Ian McShane: Sir, I am a classically trained act–
Videogum: Look at my tiny shoes! I am Ian McShane, and I live in the forest! Would you like to solve a riddle and cross my bridge?
Ian McShane: Well, I’m glad you find it so am–
Videogum: Doo-dee-doo-da I’m a dancing little man dancing around the fire. My name is Ian McShane and I have the world’s smallest moustache!
Ian McShane: I don’t have to sit here and–
Videogum: Let me ask you something: to get into character, are you going to live in a gingerbread house made of candy just like a real dwarf? Instead of your car do you just ride around the forest on the back of a wildcat?
Ian McShane: This interview is over.
Videogum: Awww, no! Ian McShane don’t go!
Ian McShane storms out.
Videogum: Ian McShane come back! You forgot your satchel of emeralds! HAHHAHAH! OH NO, IAN MCSHANE, NOW YOU WILL NEVER BREAK THE GOBLIN’S CURSE! Haha. Oh man. Well, I think that went pretty well.
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Another hefty investment into my LOLk.
I’m guessing he’ll play the role of Sneezy, the homosexual mobster dwarf.
Damn Gabe. You’re lucky imaginary Ian McShane didn’t imaginary kick your imaginary ass.
Cocksucker.
I feel that last part should be read as Mister Wu. “Swigen!”
YES MORE PLEASE THANK YOU
I thought they were just going to clone Peter Dinklage, I wrote it on the to do list and everything
Peter Dinklage clones would be on my To Do list, ifyouknowwhatimean (I mean I want to do Peter Dinklage, and presumably also his clones)
Solid gLOLd.
man he seems Grumpy. i hope he doesn’t seem Bashful about taking the gig just for the money. especially since we all think he’s Dopey for doing it. i’m sure he’s just Happy to have the work.
i heard the original script made him Sleepy, but his agents promised he was just send the wrong Doc.
Sneezy.
“When are they going to CGI my face onto the body of a 6 foot tall man? Oh right, never. That would be totally inappropriate” – Peter Dinklage
“I want to know which of you fucking unicorns cut the fucking cheese?” #FantasyDeadwood
“Which one of you fucking Hobbit cocksuckers are gonna throw this fucking cockring down that mountain’s cunt?”
Gabe, the thing about fanfiction is that it’s pure fantasy. Literally anything can happen, it’s pure wish-fulfillment.
What I’m trying to say is there should have been more kissing.
My friend met Ian McShane once. Right after she got a picture with him, he reached back and just squeezed her ass (apparently quite hard), turned and walked away.
Ian McShane takes what he wants. And I guess what he wants now is to play a dwarf in an upcoming Snow White re-imagining.
Wow what a jerk! I’m glad Gabe gave him a fake hard time. Without fake kisses.
I thought this guy already had the world’s smallest mustache
To me he will always be an antiques dealer.
Lovejoy! I’m not going to go and look it up, just in case it really is as terrible as I vaguely remember it with hindsight…but yes, Ian McShane, no swearing, lots of antiquing.
Come back, (Mc)Shane!
remember al’s kidney stones? that was a really weird sub-plot.
Actually, I can just take off my 18 in platform shoes and just fall into the role I was born for.
BEST NEW FEATURE!
But seriously, Ian McShane is the best, right? I almost stomped my television out when Kings got cancelled. Can we just cast him in Game of Thrones and end my suffering?