gabe: what’s more important, the election or halloween?
lindsay: As we saw on The View this morning, they are inextricably linked.
gabe: um
gabe: never say ‘we’ when referring to the view
lindsay: I meant we like as a nation
gabe: you can always assume that you are alone
gabe: and i will tell you otherwise
gabe: like “hey, have you seen my gun? i was just watching the view and i need to blow my brains out”
gabe: then you
gabe: will know
lindsay: Are you still planning to go as Barack Obama as Zombie Heath Ledger As The Joker?

gabe: i’m going to go as tina fey as sarah palin as creed as teh joker as a half-clever person who thinks they’re full-clever
gabe: when did halloween become a Disappointing Explanation Competition
lindsay: just now
gabe: zap
lindsay: it’s actually just an offensive competition this year
gabe: the longer the paragraph to explain your costume the more i don’t want to celebrate halloween with you
gabe: we all went to college, or at least know what happens in college
gabe: i feel like the election is pretty important but one thing that neither of the candidates has spent enough time talking about
lindsay: Someone should go as a Hanging Chad.
gabe: is candy
lindsay: Well they’ve talked about childhood obesity.
lindsay: Which is sort of candy related.
gabe: polls show that after the economy and iraq, candy is the third most important issues to most voters (science)
lindsay: As long as nobody is redistributing the candy
lindsay: I’m fine
lindsay: though trading of candy is permissible
gabe: see, that is the difference between you and me
gabe: i think we NEED a more even distribution of candy among all americans
gabe: i’m willing to give up some of my candy
gabe: I HAVE SO MUCH CANDY
lindsay: Well, milk duds are the sub prime mortgages of candy
lindsay: so I will freely trade away any milk duds
gabe: no one wants your milk duds, lindsay
lindsay: for fun size snickers
gabe: you always think the candy market will solve everything
gabe: it’s ridiculous
lindsay: What are you dressing up your dogs as this year?

lindsay: it’s hilarious to me to think of you dressing up dogs
lindsay: putting their little feet in little shoes
gabe: i’m dressing my dogs up as pitbulls in lipstick
gabe: ugh
gabe: halloween is seriously teh worst holiday
lindsay: Remember when it was the BEST?
gabe: it is built on a foundation of horrible jokes
lindsay: Now every holiday is terrible.
gabe: that are unfunny
gabe: and unattracitve people pretending ohterwise
gabe: every holiday is not terrible
gabe: what are you talking about?
gabe: i enjoy almost all the holidays
lindsay: the other night I met someone who was going as Joan Holloway
gabe: very few of them involve people explaining their terrible joke to you
lindsay: and I was like “You should shake things up, go as “Sexy Joan Holloway”
lindsay: BLANK STARE
gabe: that’s funny
gabe: you should have told that girl
lindsay: Mad Men fans do not have the greatest sense of humor
gabe: “you should shake things up”
gabe: “go home”

gabe: a friend of mine told me
gabe: that someone at their work
gabe: was going as sarah palin in 2012
gabe: which is already confusing
gabe: but then she added “and i’m going to have a knife”
gabe: because that was the scariest thing
gabe: she could think of
gabe: which actually is my favorite
gabe: and since i heard that story i have told everyone
gabe: that they should go as whatever they’ve picked
gabe: ‘but with a knife”
lindsay: hahaha
lindsay: It’s going to be hard to hold duster in one hand and a knife in the other
gabe: it will be hard, but it will be worth it
lindsay: tonight when I’m sexy allison from intervention
gabe: with a knife
lindsay: we should add a new thing each year
gabe: tonight when you are sexy allison from intervention but with a knife
gabe: what happened to kathy geiss?
gabe: you forgot to do laundry?
gabe: (the joke is that you dress like kathy geiss every day, because of the way you live your life)
lindsay: Well, somebody forgot to make a mark wahlberg tshirt
lindsay: but already had duster at her house?
lindsay: so that’s what happened to that
lindsay: apparently someone at my old work is Kurt Cobain
gabe: ok
gabe: that’s the response to that question
lindsay: hahaha
gabe: “who are you?”
gabe: “kurt cobain”
gabe: “ok”

lindsay: you should just go as yourself with a knife
lindsay: or do you usually carry one anyway
lindsay: ?
lindsay: your “blade”?
lindsay: “never go out without your blade” being your motto?
gabe: i’m going to go as myself with a knife with a knife
gabe: i’m going as charlie trout
gabe: but also with a knife
gabe: i think that was actually the wording of the original story
gabe: “but also with a knife”
gabe: LOL
gabe: “oh, also with a knife? perfect.”
gabe: “where did i put my halloweenies?” (those are the awards i give out for halloween)
lindsay: you are way too obsessed with Charlie Trout.
gabe: “oh here they are, right next to my jack-o-lantern shaped bucket full of guns and my “bite sized” bullets
lindsay: you should go as Cougar Town
lindsay: actually
lindsay: now I wish I’d gone as a pile of dirty laundry
lindsay: that would be funny
lindsay: but LITERALLY
gabe: but also with a knife