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Oh man. This whole thing has become like Groundhog Day. The only difference is that I don’t own a toaster oven, so I can’t drop one in the bathtub to see if my misery will ever end. But otherwise it’s exactly the same. WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO WIN ANDIE MCDOWELL’S HEART? OK. Moving forward.
We’ve run through our most recent batch of titles, John McCain’s friends. Elizabethtown is the last scheduled nominee. So, as has become our custom, we must now revisit the rules, and decide on the next round of horrible movies with which to make my Sunday evenings a living eveningmare.
We do have a few next round picks already lined up. They are as follows.
- Man of the Year
- Dan in Real Life
- Lost in Space
- Smart People
- The Telephone
- Kangaroo Jack
- Havoc
Before submitting your nominees in either email or comment form, please consider, again, the rules:
- It cannot be intentionally horrible.
- It must have at least one A- or B-list movie star in it. (no “outsider art.”)
- It cannot be Glitter. (Addendum: or Crossroads)
- It has to have had a theatrical release.
- No matter how bad the movie, it cannot be based on a popular superhero.
- Gabe is the boss.
Remember the part in Groundhog Day when he apologized to everyone on his blog for the choices he’d made in life and then put a gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger? Oh, whoops, that’s the sequel. Groundhog Day 2.0: Full Throttle. Starring me.
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i know i’ll get shot for this… but
top gun & any of the rocky’s.
A.I.- artificial intelligence
hally joel osmond would definitely be the winner of “the worst”
A.I.-artifical intelligence
made my wrists slit themselves
The Chumscrubber
I thought about it for awhile and I came to this conclusion. Across the Universe must be Gabe’s girlfriend. Seriously. It’s been nominated an innumerable amount of times and is just TERRIBLE. The only possible explanation for why it hasn’t been nominated is it’s Gabe’s girlfriend. Dump that bitch! You can’t defend girls like her!
It may not meet the eligibility criteria, but my husband and I saw a movie called “Under Hellgate Bridge,” starring any actor from “The Sopranos” who can’t get a job now, and it was one of those experiences where 10 unrelated people in a theater bond over how unspeakably shitty the movie is and start yelling things at the screen for kicks. Think “Boiler Room,” but EVEN WORSE.
“Mr. Wrong” with Ellen DeGeneres is also really awful, as is the Greg Kinnear vehicle “A Smile Like Yours”. And to agree with people above: “What Dreams May Come,” “The Holiday,” and “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” are all TORTURE to sit through.
“We Are Marshall” with Matthew McConaughey. I normally have a bit of a soft spot for treacly football movies, but this was just unbearable. I almost left the theatre in favor of a screening of “Rocky Balboa.”
“The Love Guru,” “Dr. T and the Women” and “Phone Booth” with Colin Farrell are all close seconds. “Bicentennial Man” gets a dishonorable mention.
21 grams. the worst movie of all time should be a movie that at least wants to be good, leaving out anything with matthew mcconaughey. matthew mcconaughey does not imply a serious effort on the part of the filmmakers. sean penn on the other hand. benicio del toro. naomi watts. these are ACQUTERUERES. this is ACQUETING. and it is awful.
Although i personally disagree with the, ” Near Dark” request, I have to offer up TWO gems of cinema failure; 1.) “Virtuosity”, with Denzel Washington & Russell Crowe, and 2.) ” Signs” with Mel Gibson. I mean, seriously.
Oh, and to add to my shit-list, ANY Chris Rock as leading man films, ( dude, you’re a wise-cracking whimsical sidekick, live with it), the last Guy Richie film ( that was so horrid, I’ve blocked out the name…and no, , it’s not ” Rocknrolla”, although I have very little faith in that movie), and Street Fighter: The Movie ( thank god, i discovered that that was NOT Raul Julia’s last movie.)
I’d say Troy. The only film where I actually felt RELIEF at the idea that the main character WOULD be killed, so that I would be allowed to just get up and go.
oh man PLEASE do the whole nine yards. UGH that movie.
I wholeheartedly second “I’m Not There.”
Also, “Material Girls” has its merits for the Double Duff Factor as well as its intermittent-yet-blatant racism (and Angelica Houston is in it somehow).
But I’m Not There is practically a perfect storm of all the things that make movies bad…
Oh no, I just saw LEATHERHEADS. That was just awful – and not good awful either. However, LOVE, ACTUALLY was so bad I had to drink afterward (and I’m a girl, so I should like that kind of crap).
Bounce!!! worst movi e ever
The Quiet starring Elisha Cuthbert and Camilla Belle is easily one of the worst movies ever made. Please consider it.
Meet Joe Black
I don`t know if this has been mentioned before, but Pearl Harbour.
Pretty much hands down the most historically inaccurate movie ever, AND it`s directed by Michael Bay…who is the worst…who should stop making movies right now, forever (except for The Rock, granted)
http://www.metacritic.com/video/lowscores.shtml
Paris’ Hilton’s “The Hottie and the Nottie”
…..should have headed straight-to-dvd, but lucky for the general public, it was actually released in theaters! Shocking, I know.
Although, forcing you to watch this may be TOO mean.
Paris’ Hilton’s “The Hottie and the Nottie”
…..should have headed straight-to-dvd, but lucky for the general public, it was actually released in theaters! Shocking, I know.
Although, forcing you to watch this may be TOO mean.
“The Happening” was probably the worst movie I’ve ever seen…I believe it fits all the criteria above. In fact, it was so bad that I contemplated watching it again when it came out on dvd, mostly because I couldn’t believe I had seen a movie that was actually that bad. You must keep in mind as well that this movie was INTENDED to be a serious thriller, and I think the intentions of the filmmakers should carry some weight when determining what is truly the worst movie ever made. You think Orlando Bloom was bad in “Elizabethtown” ? (a statement I happen to concur wholeheartedly with) Mark Wahlberg is infinitely worse. How this talentless clown has become an “A-list” movie star will never be properly explained to me. Try to sit through the first scene of him in the class room without totally vomiting in your popcorn!! I think he actually whines the whole movie instead of actually speaking. Holy crap this movie was bad, I don’t know what happened to M. Night, I actually defended him until he made this calamity, but no more my friend.
Loving this site so far. I only just discovered it today – looking forward to The Telephone – I made a horrible mistake renting that when it first came out.
A few suggestions, but from my lazy list of films of the last few years. Maybe next time I;ll have some better inspiration from the catalogue.
Mamma Mia! – truly heinous
Christmas With The Kranks
Michael Clayton
Margot At The Wedding
Jumper
Happy-Go-Lucky
Perfect Stranger
Fracture
Inland Empire
Dreamgirls
the postman, terrible and 3 hours long
Holy God, the worst movie I have seen that follows all of the rules is without question “Where the Heart Is”, starring Natalie Portman and Ashley Judd. This is a huge turd, please watch it and feel the pain.
What about Grease? I fucking hate Grease.
I just want you to know that your a depressed, cynical psycho
lighten up man
honestly