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This is just straight up an episode of Drunk History on Funny or Die. That’s what it is. (What do you think is Sarah Palin’s drink of choice? I think it’s either strawberry margaritas in a homophobia-rimmed glass, or shots of tobacco spit with a Bud Lite chaser, plastic bottle.) Anyway, there’s nothing you can really add to a well-done Internet comedy sketch because all the jokes are already in the video. CASE CLOSED. The end.
Oh, but also: Sarah Palin is really very dumb there I said it. (Via GotchaMedia.)
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I’m not quite ready. This is still amazin’ to me.
Looks like someone has a crush on Sarah Palin. Okay, I’ll promise to stop making fun of your girlfriend.
I will support this as soon as it becomes clear Sarah Palin will not be endorsed by a major political party.
I think she attracts such attention by hinting that she may run for presidential office again and going on silly tours where she apparently can’t be bothered to use Wikipedia.
It was a little unfair of the reporter to ask her something she might be expected to know.
“Hi, facetaco! You’re fake and gay. Pleased to meetcha!” – America
Can I rest my case? I rest my case.
Yes, but my gayness is totally fake. Blame Elmo.
Gotta agree with Facetaco here. Sarah Palin works on the Freddy Kreuger principle: if we stop believing in her, she loses all her power.
I thought that was fairies?
http://ts4.mm.bing.net/images/thumbnail.aspx?q=863224532763&id=6f1abddd588d2b6f423c8988f8156b79&url=http%3a%2f%2fwww.beliefnet.com%2f%7e%2fmedia%2f8604A5B0B0DC49F0BEFBF551F463FFB7.ashx%3fw%3d400%26h%3d300
If Sarah Palin farts in the forest and there aren’t thousands of reporters to analyze it for hours, does it make a sound?
“A small change at one place in a nonlinear system can result in large differences to a later state. For example, the presence or absence of a Sara Palin fart could lead to creation or absence of a hurricane.” -Ashton Kutcher
I see what you did there.
I would agree facetaco, but there are two groups: 1) people who are laughing at her 2) people who actually make her relevant because they show up to her events. Just because we all know she’s benign and silly, doesn’t mean the thousands who donate to her PAC do. Therefore why tell us to stop enjoying a laugh or discrediting her (she does make it enticingly easy), when she truly still does have lots of genuine support that isn’t going to go away easy?
Also: someone who spreads fear (i.e. Death Panels) is pretty low and truly IS someone we should actively repudiate.
She forgot the “Like, such as” at the end. MINUS 5 TO GRYFFINDORK.
Hey, I totally agree! And I was trying to come up with a comment that expressed that sentiment but all I could think of was “FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU” because she also makes me angry.
That’s a @facetaco right there
Soon, this little guy won’t be able to do this:
Totally read this as “FACEPALIN.”
Quart of beer – Drink of choice whenever Paul Revere is involved
I think saying he was carrying a whiffle ball bat or beer that was cold would have made more sense.
Are you implying that her story sounded well-rehearsed?
I thought the horse’s name was Paul Revere? And then his posse robbed a bar? I dunno the 80s were confusing, I was always dusted.
I’ve listened to that song I don’t know how many times, and I still don’t understand everything that’s going on. That applies to the entire CD, really. The Beastie Boys were far more interested in knocking out kickass jams than actually constructing meaningful lyrics, but from the band that gave us the song AND the video for Sabotage, that is perfectly alright.
I thought it was pretty simple.
Adrock is on a horse with some beer. He’s running from the law for sexing (raping?) the sherriff’s daughter with a wiffle ball bat (maybe the bat is his penis). MCA is dying of thirst and wants his beer and sticks him up. So they join forces and go to a bar, where they meet Mike D and rob the place, and take some ladies and brew, B-boy style.
I now want to hear Sarah’s explanation of that song. Her reality show should have been her just telling stories about things she thinks are history. That has to be better than Dancing with the Housewives.
Yes, but it’s all of the details that confuse me. Where was Horse Paul Revere when they were robbing the bank? Did they both ride the horse all the way to the bar? And if so, how did they leave? No way you can fit three dudes PLUS a couple of girlies PLUS some beer that’s cold all onto one horse. Not even Horse Paul Revere. And since they met Mike D at the bar, he must have arrived via different means of transportation. Did they all take his car and ditch the horse?
Also, what were the circumstances when Ad Rock met MCA? Because when Ad Rock denied MCA any beer, MCA pulled out a shotgun. Was he just walking around with a concealed shotgun? How does one conceal a shotgun? Given that Ad Rock was riding a horse while holding onto what we must assume was a large quantity of beer, it is possible that this story takes place in a lawless, apocalyptic wasteland. But if that were the case, how does one explain the sheriff? Unless he is a self-imposed lawman, similar to the Duke Of New York in the John Carpenter classic, which could explain his focus on avenging his daughter’s honor, rather than arresting the man walking around with a shotgun, trying to con beer off of unassuming strangers. That still doesn’t explain what happened to the horse, though.
I think if there’s one thing we know after 20 years of music, it’s that character motivations and plot development aren’t the Beastie Boys’ strong point
I knew this entire song by heart at about the age of 12. Funny how at the time I thought I knew exactly what was going on, but I couldn’t possibly have even been close. I’m definitely confused by it as an adult.
Is there a more appropriate lyric for the Palin family than “The Sheriff’s after me for what I did to his daughter” ??
Right? Because of teenage pregnancy? lololol
OLOLOLOL
The Mailman delivers a sex joke. More like MALEman, amirite?
Ah yes, one if by land, two if by ringing the bells and firing warning shots.
I love how her voice gets higher as she keeps talking. You can almost hear her thoughts: “I am sooooooo fucking this story up right now. Stop talking, Sarah. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. stopstopstopstopstop….
*nervous “I know I done fucked up, don’t I” cough
thats basically the voice in my head everytime i try to construct a videogame comment.
thats basically the voice in my head everytime i try to construct a videogume comment.
videogum.
Fuck this honestly, you see what i mean?
Videogüme is fancy, imported Videogum.
“This woman’s as stupid as Derek Jeter is gay.” -Boston
Correction:
This freakin broad is as retaaaded a Jetah is gay – Boston.
Who fackin’ needs quee-ah fackin’ Derek Jetah when you got Kevin fackin’ Youkilis and the Sawx?
YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUK
LOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
I call shenanigans on this. A Bostonian would have said “queer” not “gay.” You are hanging out too much in NYC, son.
You, sir, are right. We prefer “queer” ’cause it sounds absurd with our accent.
That’s close. I might have said “Faaaaahkin Kweeah.”
However, it is a challenge to say “faaahkin kweeah” without putting a “wicked” in front of it, and in the phrashing given by booyamachine, “wicked faahkin kweeah” doesn’t sound right.
This is sure to clench a promotion to Adjunct Faculty at Glenn Beck University.
She was handing out AUTOGRAPHED copies of the Constitution while walking around town. There are so many things wrong with that scenario.
No, that’s not really true, is it?!
::weeps::
Oh good, this is the Sarah Palin I fell in love with.
The more she talks, the more the question “What the hell does she know?” becomes less rhetorical.
“Which textbooks do you read?” “All of them.”
At least she tried? You gotta give her some credit for not quitting halfway through her term as a person being asked a children’s book catchphrase American History question. “If you try, you win” – Don Geiss
Classic liberal media, showing Sarah Palin talking at a press event she organized.
Listen my children and you shall hear
Of the midnight ride of Paul Revere,
He said to his friend, “If the British march
By land or sea from the town to-night,
Shoot this warning flare off
At the McDonald’s Arch as a signal light,–
One duck call if by land, and two slide whistles if by sea;
And I on the opposite shore, at Best Western will be,
Ready to ride and spread the alarm
Through Fenway Park and the local Dress Barn
For the country folk to be up and to arm.”
I’m teaching this to my children then making them run for president.
You know when someone gets blackout drunk and they start telling you a story and then a sentence or two in their eyes you can see their brain sputter to a stop as if to say “Nope, fuck this, too hard.” and then they kind of finish their sentence, but not really and it definitely makes no sense and then they just slump against the couch and watch cartoons or dick around on their phone?
This reminds me of that.
nailed it.
Mrs Palin, what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I’ve ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response was there anything that could even be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Goddamn, Paul Revere had a nice pizza oven.
This is actual the Sarah Palin National Pizza Parlor Tour, I guess?
This is just painful. Having grown up in the Boston area, I know that it actually takes effort NOT to know the facts. There are plaques everywhere! And tours! And Ben Franklin wanders around Faneuil hall! You can basically just stand in the Old North Church and learn everything by osmosis.
or ducks. osmosis or ducks.
or trucks that pretend they’re boats that are ducks.
Not just Ben Franklin, but colonial woman, everywhere!
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At least Sarah understands the history of the Boston Tea Party
Yep, that looks right.
You, too, can Sarah Palinize your favorite stories in world history. Remember when:
- The Jews warned Hitler that the Nazis were coming?
- Jesus Christ executed Moses in Bethlehem?
- Freed slaves traveled through the Underground Railroad back to the South in order to be slaves again?
videogum*. fuck this, you see?
?
Okay, I read up, and now I just feel badly.
Hello piece of shit mis-placed comment that went missing, i have found you. And i hate you.
These are the best mess-ups! It just keeps getting better. I mean that in a nice way.
i feel like i’ve taken up half of the comment space on this page. ugh
If she weren’t so willfully ignorant of things that should be common knowledge and didn’t hold up her stupidity like a banner or badge of pride, I could ignore her. But there are tons of people like her who will vote for her if she runs for President – so, yea, I’m OVER her, but she’s still dumb and dangerous.
And I honestly don’t understand how you could feel good about knowing literally nothing. Isn’t this your field of interest, Sarah? Don’t you ONLY do politics? Is there some hobby about which you have just encyclopedic knowledge? What is filling your brain so completely that you just can’t be bothered to do the homework?
Ugh.
You forget how much time she’s invested becoming an expert hunter, marksman, trapper, and tracker. She’s only human, for God’s sake.
You know, it’s one thing to not know who Paul Revere is or what he did. For an American adult, that is pretty “Jay Walking” level stupid, amirite? But it’s 10 times worse when you don’t know and you PRETEND to know in front of TV cameras on your presidential campaign tour. I guess she assumes everyone is as gleefully ignorant as she is? “Sarah, please explain calculus to me.” “Okay. Well you take numbers and combine them with thoughts and logic and all the like, and then there’s the distinction of the scale of numbers upon which the sum of the result occurs, therefore.”
Ha! I’m just terrified that once she inevitably decides to make her candidacy official, internationally, we’ll once again assume that American identity of proud idiocy we bore under Bush. I’m not an Obama fangirl, but I appreciate that he seeks knowledge and surrounds himself by specialists and advisors who know more than he does. And when he doesn’t know something or is wrong, he admits that and ameliorates the fallout.
This adamant foolishness Palin shows is horrific. And the fact that she thinks it makes her a “real American” is even worse. Real Americans don’t revel in their ignorance. I can’t imagine how she reconciles that kind of laziness and incompetence with what she considers patriotism.
Can you tell that I can’t stand this woman?
In all fairness to Bush (No Children Left Behindo), every president chooses a cabinet of expert bureaucrats in their respective fields. Despite all the theatrics of electoral rhetoric, no president is really an expert at anything except for winning elections.
Truth.
I thought the saddest thing was the “they weren’t going to take our arms” thing. It’s one thing to get the lantern thing wrong and think it was bells, but thinking that the Revolution was about Gun Rights? That’s a scary level of stupid.
In fairness to Palin, maybe this is what she was talking about. From Wikipedia:
“On the night of April 18–19, 1775, just hours before the battles of Lexington and Concord, Revere performed his “Midnight Ride”. He and William Dawes were instructed by Joseph Warren to ride from Boston to Lexington to warn John Hancock and Samuel Adams of the movements of the British Army, which was beginning a march from Boston to Lexington, ostensibly to arrest Hancock and Adams and seize the weapons stores in Concord.“
She might have been on the right track, but one of her biggest problems isn’t just what she says, but how she says it.
My dentist made my last appointment more painful by trying to convince me that the media only made Sarah Palin LOOK stupid and she’s just as smart as Obama.
Things like this just prove that Sarah Palin makes Sarah Palin look stupid. Woof.
You need a new dentist. Talking politics (especially idiot politics) when your hand is in my mouth? That’s a deal-breaker. Amirite, ladies?
SO RIGHT. I guess this is the curse of being allowed to stay on my parent’s health insurance? He’s SUCH A TOOL.
Maybe she quit fourth grade history halfway through, too.
The joke is on the smarmy newscaster at the end (but also definitely on Sarah Palin), because Paul Revere never actually said “The British are coming.” He would have said, “The Regulars are coming!” referring to the British troops that maintained a peacetime presence in Boston.
#historygum
Yes. At that time, most colonial residents actually considered themselves to be British, since they were all legally British subjects.
Hey, I don’t know what Paul Reiser is famous for either.
I hate her. I actually hate her. Just the sight of her stupid face with those stupid glasses makes me want to vomit, and that’s before the voice even starts spewing pure concentrated stupid. GO AWAY.
You’d really better start learning to ignore her, then, since she’s never going away if the media can help it.
In Palin’s defense, Revere, as a silversmith, liked to cast clappers out of his beloved metal. They didn’t let him ring his wares that fateful night (worried that the British would also be forewarned), but decided to throw him a bone and let him perform at the Christmas Cotillion. And that’s where we get the yuletide classic…Silver Bells.