Photos
After the jump, I have posted a new “short film” featuring Lindsay Lohan in a swimming pool and SPOILER ALERT it is terrible. It’s the “first” “short film” by “painter” Richard Phillips and eesh. DON’T QUIT YOUR PAINT JOB, LOLOLOL. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt this way before, but it’s weird when you’re kind of angry that something ISN’T trying to sell you perfume or a celebrity-brand vodka. That would be better than whatever the hell this is. At least then I would understand the point. This is just nonsense. She’s supposed to be Bridgette Bardot? What does THAT mean? Oh, art. And wait until you hear the music! Oh, it is so grandiose and stupid and terrible and I hate it! If there was ever a reason to HATE “art” this would be it. And I’m not saying that all of Los Angeles needs to fall into the ocean, there are some very nice people living there, but maybe pieces of it could fall into the ocean? Like, just little chunks. This chunk, namely. The fish could live in this, that would be useful. Fish need homes too!
Remember when Lindsay Lohan’s father Michael Lohan hit someone in the head with a shoe in the driveway of his house because he was a brown belt in Tae Kwon Do? Why doesn’t someone make a movie about THAT? (Via Animal.)
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Can someone pleasewatch this and then fill out this short questionnaire for me? I need to know if it’s worth my time. Thanks in advance!
NIPPLES:
[ ] YES
[ ] NO
NIPPLES:
[ ] YES
[ x ] NO
Disappointing, but unsurprising. Thanks for taking one for the team.
I don’t know if this will make a difference in your decision, but:
EYELASH WEAVE:
[x] YES
[ ] NO
We all have a part to play in this crazy game called life.
iT STiNKS
Upvotes for MST3K, ALWAYS.
You posted Joel, and now I love you. I HOPE THAT’S OKAY.
She’s supposed to be Bridgette Bardot? What does THAT mean?
She gets convicted for inciting racial hatred?
That makes sense. She sorta makes me hate white people, too.
Another gem from Lindsey’s acclaimed line of work.
It’s selling swedish snus. Obviously.
WARNING: Lindsay Lohan may cause mouth cancer
Snus may also cause you to become a Swedish aristocrat.
You guys have to admit, she really displays astonishing range in this. I smell a comeback…
“Lindsay has an incredible emotional and physical presence on screen that holds an existential vulnerability, while harnessing the power of the transcendental—the moment in transition. She is able to connect with us past all of our memory and projection, expressing our own inner eminence.” — Richard Phillips
I’m starting a petition to ban artist statements.
“i was hoping to get laid.” – richard phillips
Can we finally agree that Lindsay Lohan isn’t that great an actress, and never really has been? I mean, I like The Parent Trap remake as much as the next girl (which is “an okay amount, I guess”), but I’ve never considered her to be that talented.
She’s FINE, I guess. Perfectly tolerable in Mean Girls. But if you had given that dialogue to a different actress, it would be just as good a movie – maybe even a better one!
Her acting has always struck me as trying too hard – she has an awareness of being on camera that bugs me. She’s not becoming a character, she’s saying lines and putting on faces. That’s not acting.
Other Lindsay Lohan movies:
I Know Who Made Me Want To Kill Myself
Herbie: Fully Load of Crap
Freaky Friday – This one just works.
Linsday: Always Loaded
thats a reply to monsterbeard.
PFFFFFT!
If this is a “short film” then the Windows start-up sound is a “song.”
And this comment is a book.*
*And this footnote? Another book.
TL;DR
You might be surprised how much thought went into that startup sound. Maybe it’s not a “song,” but it’s not far off… Here’s an interview with Brian Eno where he discusses composing it: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/1996/06/02/PK70006.DTL
brian eno composed the windows sound?!? wow.
The ocean seems so dirty now.
and the pools pH levels are probably very acidic.
We get it, Richard Phillips. You think she’s pretty.
Guys you have to admit she looks good for a washed up 50 year old actress who kind of went crazy after having an aneurysm and got famous from Paul Verhoeven movies.
I wonder how expensive it is to CGI the Carl’s Jr. Quad Baconizer into the shot.
How come every time people see bad art they get mad at art and every time they see, for example, a bad movie they hate on that movie, not cinema itself?
Because they think all “art” has an undeserved status, when in reality it is just another market with more losers than winners.
You know what pisses ME off? Novels. They think they are all that.
What the fuck? What the actual fuck was that?
Why is she relevant still? What is her appeal? She’s not even hot anymore, I’m sorry. And she’s NEVER been a good actress so what the fuck are we doing?
And what IS THIS? This is not a short film! But a clip of some perfume and it’s another shitty commercial for a shitty perfume, that would probably smell like vomit and cocaine.
So irrationally angry about 1 minute and 37 seconds I just LOST FOREVER. Fucking FUCK.
Let me get you some warm milk, poor thing!
*sigh* Thank you. I sorta lost it there for a second.
I can’t figure out on whom this project reflects more poorly: Lindsay Lohan or Richard Phillips. And I feel like if we can’t come to a consensus on that, then we as a society are doomed.
In Richard Phillips’ defense, they told him that he would be shooting a movie about a wet brown paper bag and then swapped in Lindsay at the last minute. Sources on the set said that Phillips never even noticed the difference.
It’s still better than avatar.
She could show greater range if someone would give her a role of a woman who is capable of closing her mouth.
That’s what I’ve always thought about Keira Knightley.
and Kristen Stewart
I think the most accurate word to describe this film is “nothing.” Like seriously, I have never seen so much nothing.
also “sideboob”. 2 words: “granny panties”.
I liked how she just moved really slow instead of them using slow motion in post. That was ingenious.
Nice breasts.
I felt it wasn’t stupid enough. I wanted Fornarina ad stupid!
i’m not sure what a film starring an actress from new york made by an artist from new york has to do with los angeles, but i didn’t watch this.
I think I know this one. It’s about a girl who can’t close her fucking mouth. Literally. She’s always confused or in awe of something (maybe that something is you/in your pants!).
Originally, it starred Megan Fox.