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So it was announced this morning that the long-prayed-for 3D version James Cameron‘s Titanic will be released on the 100th anniversary of the Titanic’s maiden, or whatever, voyage: April 6th, 2012. “Oh no, but I already had 100th anniversary of the Titanic’s maiden or whatever voyage plans,” you’re probably thinking. Yeah, I KNOW. But I doubt anyone will show up to our Titanic Centennial parties now that this is coming out on the same day so I guess let’s just cancel our caterers and ice sculptors and nude draw-ers and start standing in line outside of our movie theaters. Ugh. This always happens when we plan a party to celebrate the 100th anniversary of something James Cameron made a movie about, doesn’t it?
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“I’ll never let go.” – James Cameron
“Go to bed, James Cameron” — Everyone
“Let’s go to bed together, James Cameron.” – James Franco
“Oh, we can’t! I just forgot that I have 345,674 finals tomorrow.” –James Franco
Don’t worry about it, James, the ship sinks so you won’t have to go to your finals.
Well, unless by finals you mean FINALS.
“Can I crash on your couch?” – Billy Zane
“Zip it, Zane!” -Derek Zoolander
or, if you’re not tired at least find someplace else to not sleep.
I’ll be celebrating the 100th anniversary of the Titanic’s maiden voyage by watching my desk in 3D. “All this paperwork – it’s like I could reach out and touch it!”
I have always thought Titanic need to look more like a diorama. 2D movies turned into 3D movies are the best.
A 3D version of True Lies would be much more topical..
Unrelated: My outgoing voicemail message is ‘Welcome to Sarah’s voicemail, I love you.’ No one ever gets it.
Fortunately I never booked that ice sculptor for my party. The great thing about icebergs is that they have this great sort of DIY asthetic. All you need is a block of ice and an ice pick and voila! Instant movie villain! Or hero, depending on who you were rooting for.
speaking of long-prayed-for 3D versions
True story: when Titanic came out, I saw it with a friend and then she and I were discussing it at a diner. I said something like “So when the boat started sinking…” and a woman in the next booth said “THANKS FOR RUINING THE MOVIE…* JERK!”
I thought she was kidding, but she was dead serious. So I said “Ma’am. I am so sorry if I ruined the movie for you, but it’s a historical fact that the Titanic sinks, It doesn’t ruin the plot of the movie. If I wanted to truly ruin the plot, I would have told you that Leonardo DiCaprio dies at the end. Oops.”
Ha ha! FLW proves a point to a stupid. However, by this time three or four other tables had started listening to our little tete-a-tete, so I inadvertently ruined the movie for a lot other people. How about you, dear reader? Did I ruin it for you?
Fun times at Long Island diners.
*She literally paused for about two full seconds before throwing the “Jerk” capper on the end of the sentence.
TITANIC SPOILER: ”I’d hit that” said the ship to the iceberg.
If your comments kept her out of the theaters, you saved her from that movie and thus a hero.
Leonardo DiCaprio dies?! Thanks for ruining the movie… JERK!
In this version, the iceberg will be replaced by an oil derrick, most people will die because of the oil in the water rather than the cold, and Kathy Bates’s character will have all kinds of topical things to say about THAT.
Titanic 3D–>$$$–>Unobtanium–>$$$–>Titanic 4D
I will be celebrating the anniversary of the release of this movie by sitting alone in my room while all of my friends go on dates with GIRLS.
“Said director James Cameron: ‘There’s a whole generation that’s never seen Titanic as it was meant to be seen, on the big screen.’”
Translation: If you were born after 1997 or too young to see it then, I want to take your money now.
Sad confession – I saw this 7 times in the movie theater. And owned the soundtrack. Sigh.
You’re not alone. I, too, went on a shitty movie soundtrack binge.
The first album I really bought on my own was the Dumb & Dumber soundtrack, not to steal all the thunder for most pathetic movie soundtrack purchase.
surprisingly that soundtrack rules
I will forever hate that Celine Dion song for winning an Oscar over Elliot Smith. But I hold no judgment that you owned the soundtrack.
OMG I did too! I was 17 when the movie came out and I had to sing “My Heart Will Go On” at our senior athletic banquet! *gags*
I was 13 when my friend dragged me to see this (it was her 4th time, yes her room was plastered with pictures of Leo). I just realized that there is an entirely new batch of 13-year-olds who were born AFTER this movie left theaters that can now drag their friends to see it.
I have to one up you, I saw it 10 times in the theater (I was 11). In fact, I was pissed b/c the paper did a story about a teen who saw it 6 times. I was like THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME!!!
I also had several versions of the official movie poster, the original screenplay, all kinds of books about the movie. I listened to the soundtrack every night when I went to sleep. My wall was covered in Leo posters. I could go on, but I think I have shamed myself enough.
I haven’t seen the movie since.
Let me add, there are actually two soundtracks. I had both.
You could go on, but what about your heart?
I was in college – I think that makes me more lame. You are allowed to do things like that when you’re 11, it’s just expected. I should have known better.
And I had this Leo poster next to my bed:
This is about Starship Titanic, right? The cool video game and book created by Douglas Adams, released on the 11th anniversary of his death as an homage, right? Please? Please, universe?
Everybody get your towels ready!
Oh, great. Celine Dion will probably be an internet trend when this thing comes out. THE ICEBERG WON, PEOPLE.
Now we can all know what it’s really like to drown in icy waters, knowing the last words you heard were stupid shit written by James Cameron.
JAMES CAMERON: I’ve had you guys on this for 10 years. You’re telling me there’s NO way to make a sequel?
SCRIPTWRITER: Well, it was YOUR idea to sink the boat in the first one.
JAMES CAMERON: It was a good idea! My good idea!
SCRIPTWRITER: Yeah, but you practically imprisoned any possibility for a sequel at the bottom of the ocean! What do you want us to do? Re-release the boat or something?
JAMES CAMERON: No, I pay you guys to – wait – what did you just say?
SCRIPTWRITER: I just said, ‘what do you want us to do? Re-release the boat?’
JAMES CAMERON: …
SCRIPTWRITER: Sir?
JAMES CAMERON: Genius! Pure genius!
AAAAANNNND SCENE!
Someone entered this is the #hollywoodpostitnote thread, right?
Did anyone else think it was kinda weird that at the end after *SPOILER ALERT* the Titanic sinks and Rose dies that Heaven is like, the ship? And she walks in and has to go up the staircase and all of the dead people are there clapping? I mean, is this really what Heaven is like, James Cameron??
Also, let’s be real, I may be having loads of fun making cracks about James Cameron for this, but I’m TOTALLY going to see it.
Why limit yourself to one blockbuster release, James Cameron? One word: TITANITAR.
Proving I’m the worst, I read that and was like “Ooooo, I would see that! Yes!”
True story when I got my girlfriend a 46 inch flat screen we totally rented Titanic on Blu-Ray and it was pretty rad.
My Barf Will Go On
My Fart Will Go On
Back when Titanic fever was sweeping the nation (the movie, not the actual event) I remember refusing to go see it, but I can’t for the life of me remember why. I finally saw it on TV in college years later and realized I’d been depriving myself of the part where the guy falls off the ship and hits a propeller on the way down.