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Exciting day today, you guys! Our brand new (and first ever) Associate Editor, Kelly Conaboy, starts today. Wonderful, wonderful news [Richard Gere voice]. Kelly is going to be doing some writing on the site as well as managing some of the off-site Videogum business like the Facebook page and the Videogumblr. In general she’s going to be a great addition to the team who is going to help make Videogum bigger and better than ever, so yay!
I’m going to hand the rest of this post over to Kelly in a second to let her introduce herself and tell you a little bit more about where she is coming from and how much Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip she may or may not be watching these days, but first I would just like to thank EVERYONE who applied for the position. There were so many of you, and all with so much to offer. It was a difficult decision, but at the end of the day, we could only choose one Associate Editor. So. You know. We’re all adults here. But thank you! And please help us in welcoming Kelly to the FAMILY. We think she’s going to do great, but she’s going to need your help in the form of enthusiastic support, and tips, and if you have any ideas for things Videogum should be doing differently, or better, or just doing that we aren’t already doing in the first place, please let her know. Listening to you is her job now! (Just kidding. Kind of!)
Thanks. And now, Kelly:
Hi guys! I’m Kelly. It is very nice to meet you. I’m going to be an associate editor here now which is a crazy thing so let’s just get on with it and try not to think about how nervous we are. I’m originally from Scranton, Pennsylvania and before you even ask, yes, I do like the scene in Home Alone where Mrs. McCallister gets stranded at the airport and it IS just like that in real life. (An airport.) Bait and switch! Now I live in Brooklyn, New York.
To tell you a bit more about myself, I’ve written things for a few places including Splitsider,The Huffington Post, and When Falls the Coliseum. I have a google alert on my name and I only get alerted about my own tweets. I like when babies speak other languages and I dislike when nerds on TV shows have scoliosis because I have scoliosis and I feel like I’m being forced to further a stereotype. Videogum is my favorite website so I am now very much looking forward to when my favorite band, Spoon, asks me to join their band. (And when I am cast in You Can Count On Me Too.)
I’ve been watching a lot of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip lately and, to let you in my head for a second, right now I’m feeling like Gabe is the Chandler character and I am the two writers from the episode where the whole writing staff left the show except for the two writers who hadn’t gotten any sketches on the air before. Right? I’m sure we’re all following this. Another timely example is that I feel like the part in Empire Records when they kind of tell Warren that he can have a job at Empire Records and he’s like, “But why should anyone give ME a job?” And it’s like yeah, I don’t know why they should give you a job? You just came into the store with a gun. Or it’s like a thing where somebody gets the thing that they want and deserve, which I wanted to add in to seem self-confident.
In any case, I am very excited! This is very exciting. Here goes absolutely everything!
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Welcome, Kelly!
Monsters: Twitter & Tumblr for Ms Conaboy:
http://twitter.com/kellyconaboy
http://kellyconaboy.tumblr.com/
Dang, you’re fast. Respect.
And welcome to you Kelly!
Seriously! It’s like Werttrew is the Kyle Chandler character from Early Edition, only instead of the newspaper he just gets Videogum a day in advance.
(Note: this comment is dedicated to Kelly’s timely examples, which were awesome.)
This is probably closer to the truth than you realize.
Hey, thank you!
Welcome, Kelly! And thanks for having a last name that lends itself to puns!
Conaboy get a drink around here!?!?
Like that?
Something like that.
By the way, have I ever told you that I always read your name as “bootymachine”?
Conaboy Air #KellyConaboymovies
The Secret of Kelly #KellyConaboymovies
The Long Conaboy #KellyConaboymovies
I don’t know why this didn’t catch on, this is the best hashtag game I’ve ever seen.
WHELP, she mentioned Empire Records. I’m DOWN with this lady. Welcome, this lady!
Well Sinead O’Conaboy, shock me, shock me, shock me with that deviant behavior.
Truth.
I’m torn, because I loathe Empire Records, but Spoon is also my favorite band, so……
You’re new, Kelly, so here’s a few pointers. I’m sort of the Don Draper of Videogum – that’s just something that everyone knows and accepts and believes to be totally true. Also, I get Editor’s Choice every week. Gabe forgets sometimes, so just remind him. That’s about it, really.
The Don Draper of Videogum, seen here:
Just as a reference.
More like Donna Drape-o
(I don’t know)
More like Don Drape-drape.
Also, Kelly, sometimes huckabeast offers his weekly Editor’s Choice to his eWife: ME. Gabe knows all about it, so no need to mention it to him just take the reigns for yourself kid and make it happen. Thanks, doll. Welcome to the club.
I look forward to watching your writing style morph into gabe’s! (if it hasn’t already)
Writing, guys!
You’ve found the Bernstein to your Woodward!
I apologize for how terrifying this photo is, but cool hair Gabe!
Gabe should go blonde never.
Maybe if he tanned…
In this picture, Gabe kind of looks like a guy who would give like pennies or apple slices out to trick-or-treaters.
hahahahaha, I heard he actually does! Since like all 73-year-old men do that!
Hi Kelly! Here’s some “welcome to the family eHugs” for you!
Bout time we got some vagina up in this joint. (Again)
Bri, don’t you remember the last time we brought vagina to Vgum?? RIP, Gwenyth Paltrow’s ladyjunk, never forget.
Aaaaand on that note: welcome, Kelly! And also I’m sorry.
Whoops! I think I downvoted more people in THAT thread than I have in the entirety of my time with Videogum.
Welcome Kelly! I think Briadru4 forgot to post the gif w/ her comment. I’ll help out:
Also, Kelly…May we call you Kel-Co? Doesn’t matter really. I am calling you Kel-Co no matter what!
Oh, I am so calling her KelCo with you. That’s happening. I’m not writing the hyphen though, because I’m lazy.
Oh, definitely call me Kel-Co or KelCo. And definitely post as many Clueless gifs as you can forever.
Nightmare, I think we found a kindred spirit.
New Super Exclusive Best Friend? All in favor, say “Aye”.
“Aye!”
Oh, good grief, downvoter, it was a joke. You know there’s not really a club, right? Sheesh.
There’s KIND OF a club. Haters to the left. “Aye”
Hi Kelly! Splitsider is a great site, I’m so pleased to see remote and under-appreciated worlds be colliding.
Kelly, I have only one question for you: What’s with today, today?
You feel me?
IMPORTANT QUESTION:
Kelly, where do you get your ideas?
I’m pretty sure the answer to that question is soon to be “Werttrew”.
Kelly Conaboy?? More like, Kelly Wehadababyitzaboy! Am I right?!? Remember that commercial? Zing! Just kidding, great job Kelly!!!
Yeah hold up. I really thought I was the only one who remembered that commercial. CANCEL EVERYTHING HIRE ALISON INSTEAD PLZ.
I was about to get really excited because [REDACTED FOR SECRET IDENTITY PURPOSES]. I was about to be like “OFFER ACCEPTED!”
LOVE that commercial. I have a friend who tests medical software for a living and she always enters test patient names as Bob Wehadababyitsaboy. Cool story, I know.
Whoa, don’t bury the lede there kel. You have a friend who tests medical software?!?!?
“What the hell are you people jabbering about? Get off my lawn!” – Someone, I Dunno
This is how you tell me I didn’t get the job? In front of everyone?
Now take your wheelie suitcase to the elevator and prepare for your exit interview in the back of the Videogum towncar.
Hello Kelly. Best of luck.
I nominate Empire Records for the WMOAT.
DOWNVOTE.
I was hoping for more downvotes. I just want to feel something today.
I totally second Empire Records for WMOAT. If only to strike a minor victory against all the unrequited High School loves who made me watch it.
Welcome Kelly! Hi Kelly!
Well how do you do, Kelly? Also, how do you do that thing you do? Follow up— Two corgis start running at the same time from opposite ends of a treadmill 1 mile long and set to 6 mph. One corgi is running against the 6 mph setting at 3 mph and the second corgi is running with the 6 mph setting at 2 mph. How long after they begin will they meet?
Forty-two.
3m 31.76s, assuming they haven’t met before, like during puppy playtime or doggy daycare.
I wasn’t really thinking in advance when I wrote the speed rates for everything. Only after I posted my comment did I realize that if the 3 mph corgi is running against a 6 mph treadmill, that means he’s constantly hopping on then getting launched off again. If that’s the case, then that poor corgi must wait at the end of the treadmill perpetually getting launched off every time he hops on, meanwhile the 2 mph corgi running along with the treadmill is actually traveling at a combined speed of 8 mph.
If this is all accurate then my calculations tell me they meet at the end of the treadmill in 7m 30s.
Yay, new fun stuff! Welcome, Kelly! I hope you like puns about sandwiches.
Hello, Kelly, nice to meet you, I love you.
Are you behind the Studio 60 twitter accounts? I have mixed feelings if you are.
I’ve been straining over the past 10 minutes to come up with a “What’s a Tim Conway?/About 120 pounds*” play on your name, but I have failed. This is why some people are good enough to write for the Simpsons while the rest of us are only good enough to write press releases.
Anyway, welcome.
The closest I got was along the lines of some sort of long con perpetrated against a boy. Run with it!
There are no dumb answers when brainstorming.
From a mostly lurker and occasional commenter, a hearty welcome to you, Kelly.
You should probably comment more because your name makes me smile by itself!
Oh man this is going to be great! I am happy that there will be another funny voice here. Welcome Kellster! (I can call you that right? no? ok.)
What is your position re: bullying?
Hi Kelly Conaboy!
I used to be roommates with her and she’s very messy. Just kidding. Or am I?
If anybody wants to hear some Kelly Conaboy stories I will gladly share them whether or not you ask.
Hi Kelly. I’m sorry you had to see me like this
Scoliosis represent! Crooked back are the best! (they are not the best.)
I have scoliosis too! Scoliosis nerds are the best nerds!
When I was a kid my penis had scoliosis.
Since you are V-Gum Monsters w/scoliosis is it ok if we start calling you “Aluminum Monsters”?
(ok I’m leaving)
I have two questions that are standard for a man of the internet to ask:
1) R U REALLY A GIRL?
2) R U HOT?
I upvoted you because you beat Winwood to the punch
Welcome, Kelly!
Hi, Kelly. I promise to put that form letter Gabe sent to reject the rest of us aside and embrace you wholeheartedly. I just followed you on Tumblr so now you know I’m serious about not being bitter.
Kelly, it’s me, Britt Daniel. Welcome! And Don’t You Evah Be Down.
Kelly had me at ” I dislike when nerds on TV shows have scoliosis because I have scoliosis and I feel like I’m being forced to further a stereotype” because I also have scoliosis (so taunting that that word has a multitude of ‘s’s, the shape of which mimics our imperfect spines). If Kelly is joking about having scoliosis I will be really really sad. Welcome K-Con!
Definitely not joking! Definitely am part machine at this point.
Awesome. A fellow Splitsider-er!
Congrats, Kelly! And good choice, Gabe!
I’ve got Splitsider in my Videogum. I’ve got Videogum in my Splitsider.
Don’t worry, Darius was the really smart comedian who had insightful and genuinely funny commentary on race, and Lucy was British! So basically you are in good company of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip characters.
I’ll ask Kelly out but then cancel because Jack Rudolph needs a favor. You call her an Uncle Tom.
Hi Kelly!! Woohoo!!!! XXXOOO!!!!!!!
I think this is my mom? I honestly had no idea my mom was a commenter here. What an exciting day.
It’s me it’s me!!!!
Hi mom!!
Hello New Mom.
May I continue to call you Kell’s Bells/Kelly Conabutt/Lil’ Kelbow?
You of course may continue to call me whatever you’d like.
Anyone who references two of my favorite under-appreciated things ever is someone that I am stoked to have writing for my favorite website.
“Stop calling me Warren! My name isn’t *KICK* fucking Warren!”
That is my idea of a warm welcome.
Hi Kelly! We went to the same college and have a lot of mutual friends!! Congrats!!! Cant wait to read your posts!! Ok I won’t use anymore exclamation points, I promise …… !
Welcome, Kellyboy!
Da bitch in da pic old as hell.