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In front of a crowd of 20,000 people at Chicago’s United Center, Oprah Winfrey taped the final two episodes of her legendary talk show. The end! Tom Hanks was there, and so was Tom Cruise, who apparently has been on the show 12 times? See also: Beyonce, Madonna, and Halle Berry. (Halle Berry?! No offense to Halle Berry, but what?) Then again, my apologies to Halle Berry, because the show also featured Dakota Fanning. What? Powerful stuff, I’m sure. Basically, at least according to the Hollywood Reporter accounting of the taping, the whole thing was a celebration of people’s love for Oprah (culminating in a performance by Usher, obviously?), which I guess makes sense since the woman has her own television network at this point, so grandiose gestures of self-congratulation are kind of her whole thing. But doesn’t the world already know that everybody loves Oprah and also that Oprah has a lot of celebrity friends? It just seems kind of pointless to have a whole show about that. If I were her, I would have used my final show to try and MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN THIS WORLD. Oh man, hahahha. I am JUST KIDDING. If I was her, I would use my billions of dollars to CREATE A FLOATING SKY CASTLE MADE OUT OF CHOCOLATE AND PATÉ WHERE I WOULD LIVE AND FLOAT AROUND AND EAT OMELETS AND PLAY VIDEO GAMES. I wouldn’t even have a fucking final show. I’d just put on my favorite over-sized Bart Simpson “Eat My Shorts” t-shirt and GO TO BED. That’s what separates me and Oprah. That is the only thing.
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Tom Cruise finally exacted revenge for tarnishing his name!
Later on in the show…
“We’ll see who gets more HOOONNNEEEEEY”. –George Oprah Bluth
I’m snitting next to Borpo.
It turns out, she was dead the whole time.
Was it the…Phantom of the Oprah?
#oof.
You guys, I’m so sad that we’ll never see Oprah again. I mean, not counting, Oprah specials, Oprah the magazine, the Oprah network, Oprah the coloring book, Oprah’s choco coco puffs, Oprah oooprah doompadee doo…
What about Oprah the Flamethrower?
The kids love that one.
Oh man, I wonder if Mary J. Blige was there. No! Nevermind, don’t tell me! NO SPOILERS!!!
She was, and she turned the show into a dancery. Reports indicate that there were no haters in attendance.
I said no spoilers, R2! Oh this is just fine. Just. Fine.
Did she reveal what the secret is or did she end it with semi-religious filler? Http://lost.jpeg
What about holleration?
And I’m sorry but what was is that broke up Oprah and Maya Angelou? They were such biffs for a minute there. I’m gonna guess it wasn’t Oprah who did the breaking-upping…
It’s crazy that Dakota Fanning was on the show because she doesn’t even own a TV!
Oprah tapes her show? I thought it just sprang from her head, fully shot and edited all Athena/Zeus style.
I hope there’s a part in the show where a ghost is haunting the stage in order to sabotage the show, and the audience has to participate in its capture. SPOILER ALERT: Turns out the ghost is “A Million Little Pieces” author James Frey.
“She’s retiring? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU” – Steadman
welcome back, bud. How was the wedding? Http://welcomebackbanner.png
Only two people died, so I’m rating it as a success.
Now I conclusively know you aren’t a viking, as only two people dying at viking wedding is considered a bore.
Welcome back, FLW.
Now that you’re officially married and stuff, let me ask you this – isn’t the phrase “my wife” pretty much the weirdest thing to say when you first get married? I remember feeling very self-conscious about it at first, like people would think I was bragging.
Hey man. It ain’t braggin’ if it’s true.
I completely agree. What’s weirder is the fact that instead of “my husband,” my wife calls me “her biggest mistake” and then starts stress vomiting. I’m sure this is completely normal.
Oh, yeah, that’s 100% normal. Teach can tell you.
Welcome back and congratulations!
I always felt like “my fiance” was the weirdest. I couldn’t wait to get out of the limbo zone.
Note: Oprah died on her way back to her home planet.
I hope the giveaway for the final show was the celebs. YOU get a Tom Cruise! And YOU get a Tom Cruise!
Thetans included, of course, so people don’t have to go buy their own.
I heard the final episode is such a big deal, it even made the cover of O magazine.
Wait..did she or did she not get a puppy? Cause that’s the only thing I really, really want to know! #puppyyyyyyyyy
i’m sorry, but of course halle berry is on this. halle berry is the halle berry of blackpeople.
Thank goodness she’s gone. Too bad she didn’t leave before cursing the world with Dr Oz and Dr Phil. How in the hell does a talk show spawn spinoffs anyway?
Did the audience get any free stuff? I find it hard to bask in American hedonism if I am not included.