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AFTER 9/11 (that’s right, that’s how this begins) there was a period of time when people wondered if they would ever laugh again. The overwhelmingly grim fact that American life had changed forever was painfully real. Of course, time heals all wounds, or whatever, and we did eventually find our way back to some semblance of normality. Similarly, in the tempered exuberance that followed the definitive end to the era of Osama Bin Laden a couple weeks ago, just a few months shy of the 10th anniversary of September 11th, we were constantly reminded that as relieved as many might feel by his death, one day, sooner rather than later, we would be reminded that the world was still filled with danger and tragedy. Today is that day.
The Zookeeper! Barfing soon to a theater near barf!
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“This looks like a dull, sappy comedy.” – me, for the first 54 seconds
“_” – me, for the rest of that trailer
This all I have to say:
HAHAHAHA FAT MAN FALL DOWN GO BOOM!!!!!!!!!!! ALSO TALKING MONKEYS?!?!?!?!? GIVE ME ALL THE FANDANGOS!!!!!!!
NUT SHOTS! NUT SHOTS! NUT SHOTS!
(fixed)
NUTSHOTS!NUTSHOTS!NUTSHOTS!After watching the trailer, there’s no nut shots. I feel like I just showed up to a Nickelback concert and they played all their B-Sides.
Can I borrow “fat man fall down go boom!” as my new catchphrase?
“You know what, we need to bring more unlikable, unfunny people into this picture!”
“I hear Joe Rogan may be available.”
“SOLD”
- Somewhere in Hollywood about 18-months ago working on this barf-o-rama
“Is T.G.I. Friday’s as incredible as it looks?”
“It’s pretty good.”
*BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG click click click click* THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH BULLETS IN THIS GUN.
Applebee’s is far superior to T.G.I. Friday’s. A-DUH!
Chilli’s is superior to Applebee’s IMhumbleO.
And Olive Garden beats them all. Seriously, I don’t know what it is about their Autistic Martian’s take on Italian food, but every time an Olive Garden commercial pops up with those porn shots of all that starchy cheesy awfulness, my appetite gets a raging boner.
Then again, I haven’t been there in years, so…
Okay guys, these are “lasagna rolls” stuffed with ricotta, mozzarella, asiago, parmesan and romano, topped with mozzarella and baked in five cheese marinara. That is ridiculous and should not be food but it is and I want it in my face.
In LA we have a food critic who is the only food critic ever to win a Pulitzer. Here is his review of Olive Garden:
http://www.laweekly.com/2011-04-07/eat-drink/jonathan-gold-reviews-the-olive-garden/
For an added bonus, click on the slide show.
Guys you should watch Rich J (fourfour) and Max Silvestri’s review of Red Lobster.
Red Lobster for the win!
Seriously, that restaurant will outlive us all. The cockroaches at the end of the world will be dining on cheddar biscuits.
Actually, I agree 100% with this statement. The apps are off the charts.
In fact, Applebee’s and T.G.I. Friday’s doesn’t even deserve to breathe the same air as Chili’s.
Applebees is only good for when you live in the suburbs and want to get super drunk but don’t want to have to go to an actual bar.
That line sums up the mediocrity of the writing, directing, performing, and intended audience of this movie so well I would call it brilliant if I thought it was intentional.
Seriously. It just explains so much, so perfectly, and I plan on bringing it into other aspects of life, saying things like “Yeah, he’s the type of guy who loves TGI Fridays.” Everyone would know what it meant…
Here, take mine…I’m strategically employing the arsenic powder like talc.
Of course Nick Nolte is a talking gorilla because….. ya know what? I don’t even know anymore.
I am utterly disgusted with the lack of farts in this trailer.
I mean, people fart. It’s just something they do. Why wouldn’t they make jokes about that?
Also, I may be wrong, but I also detected a distinct lack of crotch shots.
This reminds me of how smart Ben Stiller is because this movie would fit EXACTLY in to the opening trailers of Tropic Thunder.
Does this movie have no respect for realism?! I mean, Paul Blart went to college and trained to be a zookeeper, he can’t just change jobs and fancy sell cars!!! It’s totally unrealistic!!
…also, the animals talk and teach him about love, I guess?
does anybody else think it’s really funny when kevin james’ body hits something really hard and then he falls down or breaks something?
It’s so funny, it’s basically a license to print funny-money.
crickets are going to love this!
also, unfair advantage for anybody from queens when talking to animals. they’re used to it.
So this is just an adaptation of the song “Kiss the Girl” from The Little Mermaid?
This is a very good comment only made better by your middle name.
Why would they ever greenlight a movie with TWO talking apes in it?
Because Fast Five made a bazillion dollars opening weekend, that’s why!
And Hollywood learned its lesson to not have more than two apes with the Planet of the Apes reboot.
This looks like Dr. Doo-as-Little-as-you-can-to-come-up-with-an-original-idea
I’m convinced that one lucky amateur filmmaker captured a real monkey facepalm once on camera and now editors everywhere like to have a little bit of fun by subtly cutting that footage into as many different movie trailers as they can ala Wilhelm Scream.
Definitely gonna watch this when I have a hangover. 100% sure that is going to happen.
If animals could actually share their romantic advice, I’m pretty sure it would consist of “try to fuck everything.”
“Your best bet is to imobilize the female by biting the back of her neck”
Exactly
I’ve never seen Ermanno Olmi’s I Fidanzati but isn’t this just that only with talking animals and comic violence and farting and laziness and scorn for the viewer?
Go lay down Kevin James. You have already made enough money “pretending” to be a doofus who inexplicably has a mega hot wife
That’ll do, Kevin James. That’ll do.
Umm, have you seen his wife? Life imitating fart:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steffiana_de_la_Cruz
yes. just saw that. ugh
Rob Schneider just fired his agent.
Jokes at Rob Schneider’s expense are never not funny!
“MadAlfred, makin’ copies…and jokes at my expense!”
I love to see my name in print!
So who thinks we should call the apocalypse early? Or at least the death of the arts? Maybe the radio people were right, and it is the 21st of May this year. Do we get cannibalism and nuclear winters or constant robot warfare though — that’s the next big question.
You think this movie is getting Raptured? This movie is not getting Raptured. It will be stuck down here with us.
But with all the cinemas on fire, and all the firemen in heaven, we should be safe.
Brides getting knocked down by things make me laugh. Except when those things are Kevin James.
“Money well spent.” – T.G.I. Friday’s product placement department.
Why have you sullied the Talking Heads? That’s the real crime here.
That’s weird. For some reason my computer showed me the 3-hour version of that trailer. Did anyone else feel like they were watching that trailer for 3 hours?
The hell of it is, Rosario Dawson was the reason I watched, and she was just there to make one face for 0.009 seconds. But that is kind of in keeping with how Hollywood uses her in everything, so…
Is it me or did the movie seem a little pretentious?
So basically this is just like the X-Men origin story for this guy, right?
Fortunately, these guys are on the case.
I honestly don’t know how that second picture got screwed up. I swear it worked the first time. This is the second picture fail for me today. Ugh.
Also, who would rather date a gross and slimy car salesman when they could date someone who went has an advanced biology degree and works with animals?
Perhaps she prefers the scent of Axe body spray to the smell of elephant dung (haha just kidding no one does, elephant dung is better).
Yeah, before I managed any other coherent reaction to this trailer, my issue was “Uh, who would want to date someone who wouldn’t want to date a zookeeper?” I’m asking my girlfriend if she’d ever date a zookeeper and if she says no, we’re done.
It is nice to see Aslan still getting work.
You find out animals can talk and you’re only going to use that to get their zany ideas on how to pick up women????
I for one can’t wait to see what happens when that gorilla goes into that T.G.I. Friday’s. I hope he asks to see a wine list.
I wonder if he’ll ever figure out that Rosario Dawson is the right one for him instead of chasing after that frigid white woman that broke his heart.
That would be quite a new and unusual twist. I wonder why no other movie has ……. blah blah blah…..
Also, what asshole movie for assholes would be complete without Jon Favreau?
“Of Course I am in this.” -Ken Jeong
This movie is going to be number 1 at the box office for a million weeks.
I’m waiting for the ABC Family World Premiere of this, which according to their recent premiere, Jurassic Park, I’ll only have to wait like 18 years.
I missed the ABC Family World Premier of Jurassic Park?!?
This is how I feel.
I think I know everything I need to know about this movie, and the world in general, from the still shot that appears before one hits play on the video (dumb person alert – what are those called? Thumbnails? That doesn’t seem right, they are too big).
Chubby guy scolding a gorilla in a too small t-shirt.
Sums it up.