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Have you ever felt like you were just a pawn in a gigantic game of chess, that individual choice is an illusion, and that every action we make is determined by cosmic forces using us for some higher purpose? Have you ever felt compelled to act, without a clear understanding of why or to what end your actions would lead? There is a reason for that, my friend. You are but a puppet, and your master will use you and disregard you.
Behold!
Now, it all makes sense.
Ladies and gentlemen, this will be my penultimate post. My day is almost at an end. The final post is already in the queue.
Writing Videogum for a day was fun! If this weren’t a fantasy job that doesn’t really exist, and if I weren’t planning to become a rich, handsome doctor, I would totally go into the lucrative blogging profession. I mean, it takes a lot of work, but if Gabe offers you the opportunity to do this, I suggest you go for it! If you can help it, you might not want to schedule it on finals week.
Like almost every other monster who has done this, I’d like to thank Werttrew for all of his help. Frankly, it would probably be better if he just let us use whatever time-dilation device allows him to provide so much support to us while attending to the duties of a new father with a whole extra life to support. Somehow, he manages to send a plethora of tips (including this one) and offer strategic guidance at every step. Clearly, he has found a way around the laws of physics.
Come on, dude! Let us have a turn bending space and time!
I’d also like to thank Gabe for giving us the opportunity and for all his good instructions. If I could be any blog, I’d want to be his! Additional thanks to Scott and Amrit at Stereogum for all of their technical help. Thank you to my fellow guest bloggers: Huckabeast, Caringiscool, Notsewfast, and “Booger” Bradley (I <3 U, Superglue).
Most of all, thanks to all of you Monsters. My life is richer for knowing you.
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Now, don’t retire from commenting for the evening until you’ve read my last post!
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I’m not important enough to be a pawn.
So wait, does this put cats ahead now? I’ve lost track of the score…
No, because dogs have already won.
“Cat who?” – Dogs
Cat Power?
You think this is a positive in the Team Cats column? Think again, topknot. This is a -1 for totally controlling, manipulative dickheadishness.
And biting. Don’t forget biting.
I, for one, welcome our new feline overlords.
I must confess to you that “1000 percent of the time, the dog is being cooler” is probably my new favorite quote.
Sadly their owner is actually only a pair of arms
Both the cat and the owner are going to see a “Play Him Off Keyboard Cat” video and slap their foreheads SO HARD
“Nobody messes with The King.”
You come at the king, you best not miss!
Best get me my Purina before I make you bitch slap yourself. – The Cat
Exterminate werttrew!
werttrew for the next doctor!
<3 U x2, GS! Thanks for helping me with my "Booger" Bradley problem, even in the midst of your finals! You're the best.
Can we talk about this? i have a question about this. “Booger” Bradley is my husband irl (as in, that is his videogum login). Are you my husband?
If so, why haven’t you taken out the recycling?
Please note that the above comment is real.
Wow! Really? No, I am not, in actuality, your husband. I’m a lady! Does he have any idea what happened? Because I don’t know how it got changed and I had to have Stereogum Scott (and Godsauce here) fix it for me.
Though a part of me doesn’t really want to know what happened, because being hacked and/or possessed by a creature named “Booger” Bradley is really really hilarious.
No! He never really comments and I don’t think he logs in much. The only thing I can think of is that it is a nefarious plot on behalf of Team Cat as he is a big cat supporter (literally – our cat weighs 17 pounds). I think it is truly an internet mystery.
You are married to Booger Bradley?…show off.
I know, pretty sweet.
That cat is awesome! Mostly (only) because he looks just like my man, Toby. Toby is far better, though. Really vocal and demanding but nowhere near as bitey.
Of course, a naysayer might say that Toby simply isn’t bright enough to figure out that the arm needs to be bitten and dragged to where its services are desired.
To that, I say, “Shut up!!!! Toby is smart!!!!! He is the best!!!!!”
What’s weird is that Toby is your boyfriend
#noanimalhomo, but he does sleep closer to me than my wife does. (To be fair, my wife can’t curl herself up into the space between my elbow and armpit.)
Damn it, there’s supposed to be animation on the cat. Fail.
I see the animation. Success!
There is!
i see it!
I can’t…what is wrong with me?!
you have to let your eyes relax. try to look *through* the cat kneading dough without *focusing* on it. you might be able to get it by crossing your eyes while you stare toward the image, but the cat will be a dog if you do it that way.