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(Note: This review is pretty much spoiler-free. Even if something looks like a spoiler, it doesn’t really tell you anything. Also, I think that the plot would have to make logical sense to be spoiled anyway, so…)
“It was hilariously bad. It was funnier than Precious, and it made less sense than Precious…. The only thing that can compare to Thor is Precious.”
- The Brother of Godsauce
“There is no way to write a review of this. It was a specific experience for everyone involved.”
- The Roommate of the Brother of Godsauce
Guys, I did not come here to hate on anything. Some of the monsters thought that Thor was great, and I honestly respect and appreciate that opinion. I thoroughly enjoyed watching it with my brother and his roommate. We probably enjoyed it too much, honestly, because our enjoyment was so loud and obnoxious that it seemed to detract from the enjoyment of others. Had we gone to the IMAX show, we might have been thrown out. Luckily, all we got were dirty looks.
The crux of the matter is this: Thor is utterly ridiculous. Every expressed emotion is so completely out of reasonable proportion that it is impossible to accept the characters at face value. All of them are two-dimensional sketches, with sudden, outsize emotional responses completely divorced from the context of the movie. The characters’ motives make no sense at all, at least not in terms of how they are developed. I am willing to accept that the Asgardians represent mythic archetypes and that their behavior corresponds broadly to those archetypes, but that doesn’t work dramatically without a mythic structure. In something like this, Thor would need to undergo a hero’s journey. Instead, his character arc is largely passive and incredibly sudden.
Hopefully, the audience will just assume that they have a deep and complex relationship and leave it at that.
Worse than that, the necessarily deep relationships between these primal characters is never shown. The viewer has to fill in all of the blanks. Considering the wildly insane familial bombs that this movie drops, those are pretty big blanks! (TWSS) Most significantly, the primary antagonist, Loki, has to deal with insane revelations about his family that would mess with anyone, but none of his subsequent actions make any sense at all without a whole lot more context into who he is as a character and how he relates to Thor and Odin and everyone else.
Even if we give the Asgardians the benefit of the doubt regarding shallow characterization, the regular humans have no such excuse. They are supposed to be scientists, but it is never really made clear what exactly they are studying or why. More importantly, their interactions with each other, with Thor, and with S.H.I.E.L.D. do not in any way resemble the behavior of actual people. Watching the central relationship “develop” between Thor and Natalie Portman’s character Jane, is like watching a Cool Abed Films production of a superhero love story. All of the beats of the genre are present, but they are completely divorced from the emotions they attempt to present. In short, none of the rules of human relationships apply anywhere in this movie! It’s almost as if the film were made by a director with great technical proficiency, but no experience with drama.
What!? It was directed by Hamlet!?
It seems that the director (and star) of Henry V had a hard time depicting succession drama in a war-torn, royal setting. The director (and star) of Hamlet found it difficult to dramatize a prince undergoing an internal struggle while coming to terms with the death of his father. Also, the director (and star) of Much Ado About Nothing couldn’t make it seem the least bit believable that two people were rapidly falling in love. Apparently, good writing is important!
And yet…
It is so much fun to watch! The action scenes are kinetic and breathtaking, but edited in coherent way. The CGI is realistic enough to hold attention, but crazy enough to make the fantastic elements pop rather than fizzle. The costumes are insane, but strangely fitting. And then there’s this:
I'm not gay, but I might cross a rainbow bridge for that! Wow!
So does the good outweigh the bad? Not exactly. It’s more like the good and the bad have joined forces to fight the sane. The characters’ emotions are unearned, but they’re also hilariously over-the-top and stuck in the middle of a batshit crazy live-action cartoon where nothing makes any sense. Even the action sequences have little details (like Thor spinning his hammer) that highlight the absurdity of the whole thing. Ultimately, it is the accumulation of utterly bizarre what-the-fuckery that make this movie transcendent.
Multiple moments of this movie prompted me to say, “What?!” out loud. My entire party spent most of the movie laughing exuberantly at what was happening on-screen. Occasionally, the dialog is the culprit, but not as often as would be expected from the source material. More often, those great moments are crazy plot twists, like whatever Loki is doing at any given moment. Sometimes, they are bizarrely realized characterizations of minor Thor characters like Hogun, the vaguely Asian Asgardian, or Fandral, the swashbuckling Errol Flynn Asgardian. Crazy moments come during action scenes, and they come during the quiet moments, when characters are just sitting around or drinking beer.
The biggest of those moments came during the movie’s climax. I promise not to spoil anything for those of you who haven’t seen it, but several things surrounding the turning point had me falling over with laughter. Strangely, that scene wouldn’t have been at all funny were it not for the flaws I criticized earlier in this tl;dr review. That makes me wonder if Branagh did this all on purpose. Maybe he is a mad genius. When the result is this much fun, it might not matter.
My final verdict: I do not know if Thor was funnier than Precious, because I have not seen Precious, but my experience seeing Thor was worth both the time and the money.
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Spoiler Alert: I loved every single second of it.
I pretty much did, too.
Thor was awesome-sauce.
Seconded! And not in the way Godsauce did. I really did just love it.
Remember that time when Thor took off his shirt? Then everyone was like “*whistle* *catcall*”? And then, and then remember when he looked into the audience and said, “DirtySpaceNews! I am deeply and madly in love with you. Come, let us make love in my Asgardian fortress, and be my one and only love!”? And then I was like, “Sorry Thor, you movie was soooooooo lame, I’m gonna go hang out with Iron Man.”?
Best part of the movie.
And then he yelled out “Don’t be a Thor loser!” and then I won Monster’s Ball?
DAMNIT, Patrick M! Spider boner’d by less than a minute!
My favorite part was when he was all “I am Thor!” and then Facetaco was all “Why’th that? Did you have a hot date latht night?” And then everybody booed except for Fox News, who nominated me for Donald Trump’s running mate.
“Donald Trump’s Running Mate” is the new “Santorum”.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwfA1UB2Je0
You can have Iron Man, I would totally do everything to Thor. I can recall nothing from this movie except for how handsome it was…so much.
No mention of boobs, I mean Kat Dennings?
Kat Dennings is the poor man’s Ellen Page. She and Jesse Eisenberg are going to get together and have a baby, which will automatically be born with middle child syndrome despite being an only child.
Jesse would not do that to his boyfriend Andrew Garfield
I wish I was a poor man, then.
I’m down for a Murphy/Akroyd-style Trading Places switch if you are!
Let’s see Ellen Page wear that dress. For that matter, let’s see Michael Cera get an Oscar nomination. There’s no Academy Award for Best Whiny Actor.
If she had been completely excised from this movie, only hardcore Kat Dennings fans would have noticed.
I THOUGHT something was off about the version I saw at the Hasidic movie theater.
daaaaaamn. too bad she was dressed like a frumpy college student for the whole movie. rawr.
I don’t even understand how she’s shaped like that. How is that possible? Good grief, but I find her existence frustrating.
Croque MonThor
Croque VanDamme: Double Decker Impact
Obligatory ”Stop! Hammer time!” joke.
speaking of everyone watch this if you love puns, and you post here so you love puns
http://www.nextmovie.com/blog/mc-hammer-reviews-thor/
I think Kat Denning’s entire point in this movie was to relate to students or something. Also to remind women that Bore (I MEAN THOR) is hawt. As if they need reminding! Those sex lines!
I can understand this review and why some people would not like it, but I thought it was a fun watch and very well done. At the very least it was better than that piece of shit Iron Man 2.
I was digging every part of Thor b/c of all the comic stories I’ve read. My female counterpart was all like “huh?” Bless her patience. Iron Man 2 let me down so much. It could have been great, but some parts were just so damn stupid (the DJ AM Birthday party Dance off/Fight off, Scarlett trying to convince me that she’s a good Black Widow, etc.). I really hope Captain America is as good as Thor. And did I say I’m probably the only one who like Incredible Hulk?
1. Half of the plot had to do with his finding a cure to his poison blood. Everyone in the audience knows he won’t die, so there are no stakes to finding that cure. Researching a cure in a super hero action movie is BORING.
2. The pee joke.
3. In fact, that entire party sequence.
4. Black Widow is fighting security guards at Hammer, ostensibly to go after Rourke. Why wouldn’t she say, “hey guys, this crazy Russian has locked himself in your building, let’s go after him!” Oh wait, it’s so fanboys can drool over her ninja moves in an excuse to justify her even being in the movie.
5. The Incredible Hulk is solid and I thought Norton was really good. Hopefully Ruffalo can match him.
6. Thor could have had a bit more action as Thor but I thought scenes as a mortal were so well done that I didn’t mind much .
7. Whedon is doing Cap, no way it can be bad.
Whedon is doing Avengers. Joe Johnston is doing Cap. Johnston is very good and I think he can pull off the 1940s Cap.
Ant! Man! Ant! Man! Come on, guys! Ant Man! Ant Man! You guys?
My bad, I meant that he wrote it.
I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY want an Power Man/Iron Fist buddy movie. I have a plot all worked out. AIM steals Luke and Jessica’s baby (Skrull Jarvis is a little beyond Hollywood audiences, I think!) and so Luke calls up his old Heroes For Hire contracts to bust some skulls! Meanwhile, Luke and Danny’s relationship is strained because of Danny’s somewhat resentful attitude towards Jessica, thinking she had “stolen” Luke from him, but they work it out!
tl;dr Isaiah Mustapha plays Power Man.
Speaking of that Black Widow fight sequence, I liked how the first thing she did was throw out two discs at the feet of two guards, and the discs tazed the bro out of them, rendering them unconscious. It immediately led me to wonder as the fight scene progressed into whatever, “Why doesn’t she just have a shitload of those? She wouldn’t have to exert all that physical energy against multiple opponents that could easily overwhelm her if she wasn’t just supposed to win in the first place?”
I will be seeing Thor this Freyaday with my roommate, and this is the first review I’ve read of it, and I am psyched. Psyched because my roommate is paying for our tickets with some free passes. I’m broke!
Iron Man 2 was terrible. Thor was great. Avengers will the the best thing ever. #becauseofjosswhedon
This review makes me think Thor is a CGI action movie directed by Tommy Wiseau…I can’t wait to see it.
wait i wasn’t listening, what did you say again?
I loved the pretense that Natalie Portman’s ex-boyfriend was also a giant. Also, just when you think the movie can’t objectify Thor any more: mud wrestling.
That was a joke for nerds. Her ex-boyfriend’s name was the human version of Thor in the comic books.
I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS DRIVE-BY NERDING.
Good good god.
Seriously, he is hogging all the pretty and there is none left for anyone else.
“Even I must admit; He’s pretty.” – Steve Winwood
I FINALLY understand Adventures in Babysitting!
Adventures in Babysitting makes it look so fun, but they don’t show you the dungeon full of prisoners who refused OR WERE UNABLE to sing the blues. You are not forgotten.
I enjoyed Thor and agree with everything that Gabe said. One thing though: Can someone explain what Kat Dennings brought to this movie, other than provide “(not-so) humorous” observations. How did her character even matter?!!?! And she looks like Natalie Portman’s sister. CONFUSING.
I MEAN GODSAUCE AHHHHH!
And I see some people replied already re: Kat Denning’s mysterious role. Way to fail CTRL+F.
UGHHHHH.
She called Mjolnir Mew-mew.
This was pretty much my impression exactly. “Thor” was a clearly not-good movie that I nonetheless really enjoyed watching.
I did like the decision to make Thor a swaggering, dumb buffoon, which is what he was in the actual myths, instead the super-serious guy from the comic books. #mythologynerd
Lest we forget. Her hotness is science.
Godsauce, this is a good review! In fact, it’s basically exactly how I feel about Thor, down to repetitions of “What?!”, the exuberant laughing and my belief that it was still worth the exorbitant price of 3D tickets, so I’m going to have to ask you to step out of my life and give it back.
“I got a Xena, a Jackie Chan, a Robin Hood…..” – best line of the movie
This movie was like Galaxy Quest, but without all of the self-referential humor. How could you all ignore the HYSTERICAL FRIENDS Thor has??
“I’m not gay, but I might cross a rainbow bridge for that”-This might be the best thing I’ve read on videogum for the past 3 years (probably not, I have a bad memory).
“So does the good outweigh the bad? Not exactly. It’s more like the good and the bad have joined forces to fight the sane.” Perfect. If Rotten Tomatoes doesn’t make this quote the blurb for “Thor,” it proves they’ve already bent over for their corporate overlords.
I won’t lie: I watch the whole movie just to see Thor smash a coffee cup on the floor and shout “ANOTHER!”…after that I checked out.
*watched. I really need to start proofing. I was too busy trying to think of scenes in which Natalie Portman was the least bit sexy in “Thor”. Nope. None.
The thing about Thor, is he doesn’t even make sense in Marvel Universe world. All the other characters have origin stories sort of kind of not really but maybeish based in reality. Spider Man and Daredevil got their powers from radiation. The X-Men got their powers from evolution. Iron Man built his suit, and he can do that ’cause he’s smart, ect. Thor is…the Norse god of thunder. You would think Odinism would immediately become wildly popular. Yet, it does not….
And I knew well in advance I was going to totally dig this movie for the same reason I hate Kenneth Branagh’s Shakespeare things. He’s always really over the top and cartoony, which made him the perfect guy to make a Thor movie.
“I’m not gay, but”
Wait, it was a comedy, right? And as such, I loved it. The 3D was a bit laid back though. Don’t waste your money on the 3D version.