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Controversy time!
If you are ever confused about whether dogs or cats are better animals, just put a dog and a cat in a room together and see which one is being cooler. 1000% of the time, the dog is being cooler. This is a perfect example of it. The title of the video is “Dog and Cat” and the description is “Dog steals the cat’s blanket.” But the real title should be “Awesome Chilly Dog!” and the real description should be “Dog gets chilly trying to nap and grabs a blanket off the back of a couch. Cat is also in the room.”
Now, I guess I kind of understand that some people think that cats’ aloofness and general buttholishness is charming (“They’re so smart! Blah blah blah!” – cat people), but would you want to hang out with a person who acted like that? No way! The best thing that a cat does is sit on your lap and vibrate, and let’s face it – that is kind of weird.
Also, the cat was, at best, only marginally using the blanket. It just seems like the cat hadn’t budged from that spot and some human decided to clean up and couldn’t get the cat to move, so the human just put the blanket right on top of the cat. It’s not even fair to say that the dog stole the cat’s blanket. If anything, the dog just decided to utilize a blanket that just so happens to have a million of that cat’s hairs on it, but leaving hair on something by no means implies ownership. Otherwise, I would own the house I live in. And there you have it. I rest my case. Make your rebuttal (if necessary; I know this was an extremely convincing argument) in the comments.
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So last night I had to take my dog to the emergency room after I noticed that his junk was elongated and pink. Turns out that he had become too excited, it had popped out of the sheath, and couldn’t go back in. They rubbed honey on it to ease the swelling and relax it, and told me I could do the same thing if it ever happens again. This wasn’t a cheap visit; I ended up paying $250 to get my dog a honey handjob. Sorry, Supes, but I’m on Team Cats today.
what did you learn today, eagle eyed tiger? – my mom
dog hookers are pricey – me
NOOO! That was meant to be an upvote! IOU one upvote.
I got you buddy. Don’t say I’m not a benevolent one-day dictator.
Let me help you out, Facteaco:
“Honey Handjob” is Mouserat’s new name.
I’m pretty sure this story is definitive evidence of why dogs are better. You gotta respect an animal that can trick someone else into paying for its honey-handjob. That’s straight up savvy.
Actually, this is why I was Team Edward.
You know when dogs rub their butt across the floor manically? That’s because their anal glands need expressed! It can happen to cats too (see Fig. 1). Anal glands are found in all carnivora from seals to bears to weasels. You’re perhaps most familiar with the anal gland of the skunk which provides a powerful chemical defense against predators, except owls which have limited olfaction. Generally, the anal gland is used for chemical signaling, which is why dogs often smell the anus of another animal when they meet.
I don’t know what’s up with that dog boner though. Another interesting fact: many mammals have a bone in their penis to provide rigidity called the baculum. The largest of these is found in the walrus and was carved into canes, daggers, and other tools in some cultures and is sometimes referred to as an oosik. The baculum of the raccoon is sometimes used as a fertility charm! Humans are among the few mammals which don’t have a baculum and this is thought to serve as an indicator of health to females with the inability to maintain an erection on blood pressure alone a sign of poor cardiovascular health. So the word “boner” is really a misnomer for us!
Figure 1: A cat needs its anal glands expressed.
I love dogs, which is why I have three of them, but Team Cats. They are hilarious. I kind of like their arrogantness and jerkitude (new words!) too. It’s like rooting for Hans Gruber in Die Hard.
That’s weird. That is exactly how I put around me. Is anyone else concerned dogs are becoming too human like?
Dog uprising 2012.
Crap. I just realized I forgot the word blanket. And starting the day over in 3… 2… 1.
Rebuttal: cats get to look like Ron Swanson and dogs do not.
That’s Winston, right? Rich’s cat from fourfour?
It is!
team dogs is pretty much the same as team awesome.
team dogs, because team cats make me sneeze.
Ditto. Plus dogs smile a lot! Cats rarely smile.
They do! They smile when they nap.
Team Cats. MLK said it best: “Nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan Nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan Nyan nyan nyan nyan”
That’s…that’s racist? Judges? Can we get a ruling on whether or not this is racist?
There’s not even an argument here. I’m pretty sure that even cats think dogs are cooler.
I was reading a National Geographic (I think) article recently about the history of animal domestication, and about how people in Russia now have pet foxes and the like. The best factoid I learned was that domestication mostly consisted of people CATCHING and TRAINING animals to tolerate and depend on us, with the one exception being goddamn feral cats, who domesticated THEMSELVES (meaning, human settlements attracted vermin which attracted cats, who TOLERATED us while they chased vermin, got sleepy, and started using our stuff to nap on and around, the jerks).
This explains a lot – I swear just the other day I just saw someone walking a fox on a leash like a dog in Houston. Team fox!
I saw a documentary about those foxes.
They get floppy ears by the third generation or so… I think you can see it on Netflix bc
I watched it with my dog.
All I know is that I’ve never read a book about a cat that’s made me cry. Whereas I can name several books about dogs that have.
Where The Red Fern Grows
Old Yeller
Sounder
Shiloh
etc.
Team Dog Forever.
Stone Fox!
Oh god Stone Fox.
MAN, my allergies have been bad lately.
A Dog Called Kitty!
Cats rule, dogs drool.
I rest my case, your honor.
youre acting like a real cat right now, you know that?
They both make us pick up their poop, but cats have the common decency to bury theirs first.
My dog always walks into the woods to poop, for which I am eternally grateful. If I had one of those sidewalk-pooping dogs, maybe I’d have a different opinion on dogs in general.
My dog is also a woods-pooper but she goes the extra mile and kicks up dirt/leaves/old poop in an attempt to cover up her new poop.
(Man, she’s going to be so embarrassed if she sees this comment!)
Team dog. I can put my tiny dog on the dashboard while I drive. I don’t think that can be done with a cat. Or maybe it shouldn’t be done with a cat? Or maybe I shouldn’t be doing it to my dog either? i am getting lost here.
The cat we had when I was little totally sat on the dashboard of the moving truck (of her own volition) for the entirety of the drive from Louisiana to Pennsylvania — so not just a dog thing!!
Was it wearing a seatbelt?
I have lived with a dog and I have lived with a cat. Only one of them ever decided to take a running leap and somersault over a fence during a walk. You cannot beat that joie de vivre. Team Dogs all the way
You guys, how have we made it this far into a dog-related thread without mentioning BIRDIE!? Birdie is a dog. Birdie is the best. QED, sid quo pro, dogs are the best.
BREAKING NEWS IN GRAND RAPIDS RIGHT NOW: Firefighters are working to save a cat stuck in a storm drain. This is the picture one of our local news stations posted:
I love both my dog and my cats, but I’ll tell you this: my cats have never tried to eat my dog’s poop.
You probably also don’t have to wash your hands after you pet your cats.
Every night around 8, my dog herds me into the living room to watch TV. He also sleeps under the covers and sniffs flowers. He also lines up his toys by color. He is better than a human child. Team dog without a question.
He lines up his toys by color? That is one smart dog!
It’s weird. He’ll get the green or red ball if you ask. I don’t know if it’s a conditional training thing he picked up or if he really knows. But he is really fashionable, so it’s possible…
Adorable! Even if it’s conditional, he’s still a smarty.
My dog will line all his squeaky toys up in a row (he has many, because a Galaxy dog is a spoiled dog), then flop over and roll on them to make them all squeak at once. It’s hilarious, and I have no idea where he learned it.
That is fantastic. I would watch a video of that on the You Tubes.
I’ve Tweet bragged about this before, but my Dog pees on command. He has to need to, but if he is piddling around the yard or we are going for a car ride (CAR RIDE? WHO WANTS A CAR RIDE? IS IT YOU? I THINK IT IS YOU!!!) and I say “Go Pee” he goes pee. I can even point to WHERE I would like him to pee AND HE PEES THERE! I mean, this isn’t the most amazing thing he can do, BUT this is the thing he does that I will use for evil (and by ‘will’ i mean ‘have’). #urinedanger
Being a proud owner of both, I’m Switzerland in this war. However, I will say this, ahem, anyone who thinks cats are smarter has obviously never had a dog.
Best Rebuttal:
http://youtu.be/_Q5Hks2Kd8w
I have a dog who thinks she’s a cat and a cat who thinks she’s a dog so I guess I win?
I had both a dog and a cat at my house this Sunday for a BBQ, and only one of them ate fried chicken on my couch and peed on my trash can. It was not the cat.
Actually the cat wins this one, because the cat DOES. NOT. GIVE. A. FUCK.
(srry for all caps cursing, but you know how Cats are…)
Superglue, you’ve won a new fan!
Okay, here’s my rebuttal: Dogs smell like shit.
Cats make your house smell like cat pee.
Also, my dog smells GREAT…after a bath. and he’s all soft an fluffy and i could just snuggle him for hours!
My old roommate’s dog used to do the opposite of this dog. She liked open windows, and in our crappy apartment, the windows would not lock. Unfortunately, she was a husky, and only like open windows during the winter in Champaign, IL. My emotions were always conflicted between anger and admiration.